First time Mumsnet post although I have been a secret lurker for a while, especially in regards to pregnancy/parenting.
I hope this doesn’t come across as a “woe is me” post but honestly I just need to vent and write this all down.
My husband and I have been trying to start/complete our family for over 6 years now.
Brief history:
Started trying March 2020 (I know but this was pre lockdown announcement)
Miscarriage Nov 2021 at 6 weeks pregnant - 2 weeks in EPU with repeated bloods/scans resulting in surgical management
TFMR July 2022 at 20 weeks pregnant - worst days of my life as the care we received pre and post was beyond shocking
Son born Oct 2023 - incredibly anxious pregnancy
Started trying again beginning of 2025
Missed miscarriage March 2026 at 7 weeks pregnant- 3 weeks in EPU for scans and bloods ending in surgical management
Miscarriage June 2026 at 5 weeks pregnant - EPU for scans and bloods but resolved naturally
Starting private testing at the cost of thousands of pounds! Currently advised not to try which is heartbreaking.
I am 35 nearly 36 and my son will likely be 4 by the time another baby comes. I honestly never thought it would be this hard and I just feel like I’m failing all the time, especially now we seem to be going down the medical route. I appreciate there are women and families out there in much worse situations that me and my heart breaks for them, however I seem to only be surrounded by friends and family who are the first time successes every time. I feel talking about baby loss is important yet the avenues of conversation with my support network are difficult when no one appears to want to engage in these types of conversations, mainly because I’m sure they don’t know what to say. I’m surrounded by friends who are expecting and constant baby announcements. I’ve never wanted people to shy away from telling me these things - I’m just as excited to know but sometimes the tact is missing. For example, after going through my miscarriage in March a friend asked how I was doing. Generally I put on the brave face and say “ok” and the she announced she was pregnant. Also my girls group constantly talk about the right age gap and baby names, without never asking me how I am. I’ll be honest I’m not sure what the right thing to say to me is or whether to avoid conversations etc and that is probably half the problem. This last miscarriage has just hit the hardest and I just feel so low and defeated. I continue to put on the brave face and have only taken one day off work for each of my last two miscarriages. I’ve tried the baby loss boards before on other sites but they can be a toxic place to be. I’ve spoken to my husband who is amazing but it is a difficult physical and emotional experience for a women that I don’t think he will ever understand.
Generally I have had a shit year. 2 miscarriages, my husband being made redundant, a difficult potty training journey with my son, some difficult news to process. I want to change my job but limited by a need for guaranteed and good maternity leave which my current employer provides, and not knowing what hours I will need for childcare and possibly to work around when my son goes to school.
I’m sorry for the long post and if you have got this far I thank you. I just want to feel seen and heard. I also apologise if I have posted this in the wrong category and it is triggering for anyone. Anyone in a similar situation I stand with you and offer a massive hug.