IUI & Fertility in SSC

[solanks]

Hi everyone,

I've struggled to find any groups that are focussed specifically on same sex couples trying to conceive (that do not have any fertility issues).

My partner and I are currently on round three of IUI using donor sperm. The first two tries we did we attempted the natural route (so no medication and no ovulation trigger injection). We decided to go down the medicated route on our third try and are currently in the two week wait, waiting for our results today!

This whole process has been emotionally, physically and financially challenging, so much more than we ever expected, and we would love to hear from other same sex couples on this topic who are in a similar situation to ours. We want to exchange stories, offer each other support, give advice and also recommendations (as there is so much conflicting information out there and each clinic's protocols vary too, which we found bizarre).

Looking forward to hearing your stories; be they successful, unsuccessful, or even if you are completely new to this journey ✨

Aww that's great! Have you been buying things ready for the baby or are you waiting for a bit? I'd be so excited!

They told us it when we had IUI and it was decent but I think this sample that was sent over just wasn't quite as high. I think our IVF clinic has quite high criteria for the count for IVF and will switch to ICSI if they feel it may be beneficial which they have done on this occasion. Which I'm fine with, as from what I can tell ICSI has just as good success so 🤞

Unfortunately bad news. None of the eggs have fertilised. They are very shocked as both sperm and egg quality looked fine. They will call again tomorrow morning just in case any have managed to fertilise later on but said it's unlikely. Just trying to process it, very disappointed of course. Can't believe it really

Oh my god @strawberrylaces12 I'm so sorry. That must be a heck of a shock. Did they offer any next steps?

I am so, so sorry @strawberrylaces12 😔 I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to hear this and I hope that your clinic is offering you support and guidance. Sending you and your partner my love xx

@strawberrylaces12 I am so, so sorry, what unexpected and heartbreaking news. Sending you and your wife so much love x x

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick @solanks @Twomumfamily

Thank you! I've just had a half hour phone call with the embryologist who made me feel a bit more optimistic about future tries. She said my egg quality looked good, I had 19 mature from the 24 and none were damaged by ICSI. Some did start to respond to the sperm but then the process just didn't seem to get fully started. She thinks it could have been a sperm issue (although we won't know for sure) but she'll be contacting the other clinic where we got the sperm from to let them know and see if they have any information of it being used in ivf before (the previous clinic was only IUI).

I think next step is to swap donor, there is also an add on thing that they can use for helping fertilisation. If we still have issues then maybe think about my wife trying (although she'd rather not 😂). But I'll have the phone call tomorrow to update on things, likely to confirm no fertilisation. Then next week I should hear from the clinic about next steps e.g. trying again at some point.

@strawberrylaces12 Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that! What a shock. I hope you have time together with your wife to process and the clinic is being helpful.

We're just waiting at the moment as we're having a lot of trouble getting a mortgage (due to moving countries, wife being self employed/on contract and the hideous housing market}. The rational part of my brain is saying that it makes sense to have somewhere to live in before we have a baby, but an ever increasing part of my brain is impatient and very worried about running out of time. It's driving me mad.

Sorry if inappropriate but I saw this post and was curious to ask something I've always wondered - I'm not in a SSC.

How does it work with donor sperm? From what I understand the sperm sample comes with a small description of "blond, blue eyes, British" or similar (?) so do people pick someone who shares characteristics with their partner (ie if your partner is Asian pick an Asian donor) ? Is there other aspects to pick on?

Asking purely out of curiosity and to educate myself on how it works! Hope no offence is caused.

Not offensive at all 😊 usually there will be things like hair colour, eye colour, skin tone, nationality, height, weight, sometimes blood group and also CMV status (some info about CMV here: https://www.cryosinternational.com/en-us/us-shop/client/faq-sperm/conditions-and-screening/what-is-cmv-status/ - for example, I've been advised as CMV negative to pick CMV negative donors but it's not set in stone, as long as the person knows the risk).

It also varies on different sperm donor banks but some give a 'profile' type thing of information. Sometimes it will say what the person's job is, hobbies, may have a goodwill message for any future child, or their own description of themselves and what they are like. It varies from donor to donor too, even within the same sperm bank - some may provide very limited information and some may provide a lot. Hope that helps, let me know if you have any other questions!

Thank you!

It's such a tricky thing to balance isn't it! I guess it's working out firstly if you were successful would 9 months of pregnancy be enough to get things sorted out without risking it time wise. Also thinking that not every attempt will work so it could take longer. But also you don't want to rush things and it not be the right time.

@strawberrylaces12 i have just seen your update - I am so sorry to hear 😞 if your eggs looked good it does sound like a sperm issue - I hope the embryologist gets some answers out of the sperm bank! Incidentally we switched donor after our first round, and the outcome was much better this time, so perhaps that will be a good move for you. I’m glad that despite everything you’re feeling optimistic about future attempts, that’s great. Really hope your clinic is supportive and helpful.
Really am thinking of you. Xxx

@strawberrylaces12 thank you!! Makes sense!!
And then how do couples pick a donor? I suppose SSC but also heterosexual couples...
Would you pick someone who has the same colourings (hair / eyes / skin etc) and build as your partner ie the partner whose eggs aren't used? Or as themselves? Or do people prioritise other things like whichever message sounds nicest or give any weight to jobs etc? What was your own choice based on if it's okay to ask?

@alesndra could I suggest you start a different thread for these questions? For one you'll get more responses and it's also not ideal forum etiquette to use a support thread in this way.

@strawberrylaces12I hope the sperm clinic has answers for you, though it must be reassuring to know your side of things looks good!

How's everyone doing? Thinking of you all 🍀❤️

Hey, how are you and bump?

A little update from me: we had our anomaly scan (20 week scan) last week (honestly cannot believe how fast the time is going) and thankfully things are progressing well. A earlier scan flagged my partner as ‘high risk’ for developing pre-eclampsia so they prescribed her low dose aspirin, which seems to have helped. She’ll continue taking that up until 36 weeks I think. We also found out that she has a low lying placenta, but the sonographer said that there is plenty of time for that to shift up. Keeping our fingers crossed it does🤞🏽

Hope everyone else is doing ok wherever they are at in their journey. Hope to hear some updates from you soon/when you’re ready ✨

Hope you and bump are doing well?

@solanks What a lovely update, I’m so glad everything is going well, can’t believe you are half way!

A little update from us, we had our transfer a little over two weeks ago, all went well, the embryo thawed nicely and my wife didn’t find it too uncomfortable.

On 4dp5dt she woke up feeling quite nauseous so we did a test the next day and had our first faint positive!

We have now had blood tests to confirm the pregnancy and we are roughly around 5 weeks with our scan booked in first week of Sept.

We can’t quite believe it, it certainly hasn’t sunk in yet, but we are aware it is still very early days.

Hope you are all doing well, been thinking of you all!

💜💜

This is amazing news! Congratulations! ✨ Sending you my best wishes for your scan in September xx

Oh wow! Congratulations @Twomumfamily and to your wife. Best of luck for your upcoming scan too.

@solanks can't believe you're 20 weeks already. Halfway! Fingers crossed that placenta shifts - I know plenty of people where that has happened so hopefully you too.

Things here are good. Third trimester now 😮 starting to feel like baby is coming very soon indeed - mostly in a good way! Bump is bumping, lots of movement which is lovely.

Amazing, congratulations! You both must be so excited 🥰

@ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick @solanks so great to hear things are both going well for you both, I'm sure time will fly and the babies will be here before you know it.

Keep us updated in here!

Congratulations on all your updates folks! Goodness time seems to have gone so quickly @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick and @solanks !

exciting promising early news @Twomumfamily fingers crossed all will go well!

my update is I am STILL waiting for my FET though the ball is in motion now and I am due to start tracking for my LH surge tomorrow.

i have a side note about some sperm donor anxieties I am having, so if you want a stress free evening please stop reading now!
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In was wondering if anyone has seen the documentary on Netflix about the Dutch guy who has been banned from donating sperm because he has donated so much? This coupled with some stuff in the news today about sperm banks not being totally upfront with their worldwide family limits has spiked my anxiety today. Visiting our banks website, they now have little markers on all their donors that have consented to a smaller worldwide family limit (ie 5 or 15), which wasn’t there when we chose our donor, and definitely would have been taken into account when we chose if it had been clearer.

Although I knew there may be siblings outside the UK that fall outside the UK 10 family cap, I hadn’t realised how high the worldwide family limit for our bank is - it really wasn’t prominent information, but tucked away on a less obvious part of the website. I previously felt that we had really thought carefully about this process (we very specifically didn’t look at US banks as we had heard about the very large sibling groups popping up over there) but now I’m worrying that there are possibilities in terms of sibling group size that we just hadn’t been able to imagine. It looks like our donor has not made any more recent donations, so I am hoping he won’t be a huge repeat donor, but it’s thrown up a lot of worry.

I don’t want to upset or distress anyone on here as of course we are all using donors, but I don’t know who else to talk to about this 😞

@Quickdraw23 I understand your anxieties. Are you part of the donor conception network? I think this is likely going to come up at the next zoom chat! You don't have to be pregnant already to join DCN - there are some same sex couples who are at the thinking stage.

Anyway, yes, I completely understand where you're coming from and it's a bit mind-boggling. But... I do think this sort of thing with the Dutch guy is in the minority and so unlikely to be a widespread problem. Maybe that's wishful thinking...

Congratulations! So much good news.

We are still waiting for our mortgage approval in principal to go ahead with the FET. Which feels like a never ending process currently.

I also feel quite worried about the donor sperm situation. In an ideal world I would have preferred to have had a good friend donate, but that wasn't possible for a number of reasons.
We have signed up for the donor conception network.

Thanks for your reply @ProfessorplumBilliardroomCandlestick and @rivierliedje it’s good to know we’re not alone. I will definitely check out the DCN asap.

I also would have preferred to go down a known donor route, but it wasn’t possible for various reasons also, and I didn’t want an informal arrangement with someone I didn’t know.

we had a long and reflective chat about it last night which was helpful and I’m feeling a little calmer today.

hope the mortgage approval is soon and a smooth process@rivierliedje !