ERA EMMA ALICE testing thread 9

[Gardenlady543]

@2021ivfagain @Enfys23 @clhiu @CailinInUK @Spin101 @Loz2467 @Mybabydream @Janefx40 @ChickenT2b @kerrym87 @Sar1010 @AM08 @thislittlebird @IVF22 @APSR
@Faithhopelove83 @KLM25 @VenusStarr
@BewilderedBee @Dochas12111 @seven201 @StillWishingHoping

We've maxed out the other one so here's thread 9 😊

@Sar1010 honestly the time between confirmation of betas looking ok and the first scan is so stressful. I was so anxious going in, I went with ultrasound direct at 6.5 weeks, all the technicians they have are great. I explained I've done a lot of IVF and I was really anxious about a blighted ovum and she was amazing with me, she said let's check through the abdomen first and reassured me as soon as she could see. DH was in tears.

@CailinInUK Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I was on 300 iu meriofert every other day but did oestrogen priming to ensure fsh was controlled and even growth of follicles. I had four mature follicles and responded well. My oestrogen got high.

Not doing well at present. I’m having to seek counselling as my husband is shutting down sometimes emotionally. I have had to work hard to get some affection back. I have blastocysts left but he said every time he goes through the process he’s less keen. Due to recurring bv last year, we stopped having sex for a year. We had sex a few weeks ago and I found out yesterday he was not into it and told me he didn’t enjoy it after we had an argument. Sorry for tmi. Apparently, he’s lost his sexual drive. I have asked him to see a counsellor with me and he flatly refuses. He doesn’t like spilling out to a stranger. I seem to be the one making all the effort but what he said to me yesterday left me heartbroken. I’m feeling anxious and barely slept last night. We had been getting on better but the slightest thing I say can set him off. He said due to ivf he has lost interest in sex.

@2021ivfagain this sounds like you’re in a really tough place at the moment. As a counsellor myself I think seeking help is the best thing you can do! I would be completely lost with my weekly therapy. Im sorry to hear your husband refuses to get help though- this is frustrating to read.

I hope this is just tricky spot and that you get some reassurance from him soon. You really need to be a team in this dreaded ivf nightmare. Please keep in touch on here, I definitely want to know how you’re doing. And try take care of yourself with lots of self care (I know it’s frustrating getting told this sometimes especially when you just want someone to take care of you!!). My honest opinion would be to do some couple therapy or atleast focus on making things better between you too with some long conversations and maybe some dates too.

sending lots of love xxx

@Gardenlady543 that’s great to hear, if we get to there i will definitely be in happy tears too.

And I guess there’s no difference in symptoms of
BO and successful pregnancy which is just so terrifying. I will be in Canada at 6 weeks so I’ve looked up private ultrasound places but also don’t want to book anything yet and jinx it- I’ve become so superstitious and paranoid.
im hoping that the dye stealers and BETA 1 being 356 means that we’re in a safe-ish place but I just feel so out of my comfort zone and nervous. Let’s see what BETA 2 says today. Maybe it’s just a case of taking each day as it comes.

@Sar1010 thinking of you today 💖
every step comes with huge anxiety and worry when you are going through all this and so hard to relax and enjoy it.
I don’t want to worry you on top of everything else, and maybe you’ve already done it, but also I didn’t know until I came across something recently that you should inform travel insurance company. Apparently some view IVF pregnancy as high risk and didn’t cover a person who had a DVT on holiday which I think is shocking (they had informed about the pregnancy just not felt need to say about IVF). Obviously not all travel insurance companies will be the same but best to check.

@2021ivfagain I am so sorry you are going through this. I know suggestions or advice from strangers isn’t that helpful sometimes but if it’s worth anything to you I do feel you have every reason here to have some frank discussions about the fact you cannot fix the problem alone and if he wants your marriage to work then he needs to pull his weight too. If he’s lost interest in sex does he need to see GP to run some blood tests and rule out physical cause. I see lots of men with low testosterone these days. Sex doesn’t just have to be about penetrative sex. While we’ve had lots of time without that because of being told to stay abstinent during treatment/mock cycles/hysteroscopy cycles/Hycosy/biopsy cycles and also sex becoming really painful with the Endo, we’ve managed to keep some intimacy in other ways and other types of sex. Perhaps some discussions about building back up to full blown sex. Just being more intimate and affectionate/cuddling/kissing building up to “outercourse”/oral type stuff. Though it does sound like counselling may help him in doing this too. If he won’t see a counsellor with you then he really needs to alone. Whatever his opinion on counselling, I think it gets to point that unless he does that, how can you move your relationship out of this zone. Is he offering any solutions or ways forward himself? I’m so sorry and upset for you as I do feel, as someone who knows very little about your situation, granted, that he is putting a lot on you but not doing anything constructive to help the relationship mend. I hope that was helpful and not unhelpful. Please keep in touch ❤️

@Enfys23 oh that’s a really good point. We did put down that were on meds for the travel insurance but I’ll let them know about the IVF- really good point! ♥️
thanks, the day is going so slowly whilst waiting for the results! X

My 2nd beta is 999!
prog still 83 so they want me take cyclogest and Lubion x3 a day- they did say this isn’t something they worry about though but I don’t know!

@Sar1010 great news about hcg! Dr G is fine with progesterone over 80 but I know other clinics like over 100.

yes that’s what they said on the phone too @Gardenlady543 ! going to try and relax this weekend and forget about it. They want to test it again on Monday which is fine by me. The more I’m checked up the better!

That’s amazing news @Sar1010 hope you can breathe a little easier!

anyone have experience with long protocol after doing only short? At new consultation (overseas clinic this time) they've suggested shaking things up and trying a long protocol with a mild down reg for 2 weeks, because technically my AMH and AFC aren’t too bad really now for my age but yet never get many eggs, follicles are not in sync and I just never get a great response. Also suggesting mix of FSH and LH and more monitoring scans and bloods. I am a little scared that downreg might make my ovarian response worse but do think need to try something different.
I am interested that they may try PRP for my thin lining issues which is novel. Though also a bit concerned that might impact microbiome or make my uterine NK cell issue even worse….
it is a minefield 🤯 need to do some more research I think…

@Sar1010 @Enfys23

No. He says the IVF has ruined sex for him as when we were trying for our first child beforehand he said it became like a chore. His sperm count used to be normal. It’s more how he feels now. He’s gone off sex but wanted to do it but when we had an argument he said he didn’t enjoy it. I felt jealous as I thought it was it just me because he enjoyed it with his other partners, but he said he used to enjoy it with me before we started trying for a child and doing IVF, but not anymore. We have been through a lot with my mum and dad’s ill health and stress of it. It’s all confusing as he still flirts with me sometimes and jokes about sex. He even tried to have banter with me after we hadn’t done it for a year due to bv infections saying You’ve had your fill now for another year! I found that he has changed since IVF and become harder. Problem is I am taking progynova to control fsh and it increases oestrogen. I told my husband that and he said just stop it then. I also find as I am the one who initiates it, which I really hate, I feel that I am going to stop asking in a minute. I also mentioned this in the argument and he said good. After the argument he said we can still have sex again but I can’t get past the idea that he didn’t enjoy it last time even though he wanted to do it. Am I being silly?

I have suggested seeing a counsellor but he flatly refuses so I have said I will go and put his side of the story across and then get the counsellor’s advice for him to consider. He said he will consider it but not necessarily do it. He said he’s carrying bitterness around about trying for a second when he didn’t really want to but only made it very clear when we had paid out money and produced blastocysts.

I can’t bare to let my blastocysts go. He agreed but also says he still feels bitter. We were getting on well before bringing up about having sex again. Then we had this bad argument.

Also, we last had unprotected sex in June 2022 before I knew I had bv. Does anyone know how long it would stay on a man? I read somewhere it only stays with the man for at least 2 months. Sorry for tmi. I have asked him to take a test to check if he has gardnerella but the first time he lost the test and then I had to buy another one. Problem is it’s got to be first pee of the day and very often he wakes up in the night to pee.

I’m taking norethisterone and progynova to control fsh. I had hysteroscopy at my hospital and they said initially I would have to come back again for a scan to check lining. Then they said it wouldn’t be necessary so I feel a bit lost with it all. I really want to do my transfer in January but worried about needing an extra scan.

I was in tears all day today so have booked a free 30 minute session with a counsellor. I have suggested date nights but we’d need my MIL to babysit which she can do but not too much as she’s nearly 70. I just want my husband to be like he used to be.

@Enfys23 I was advised against long protocol when I was 40 even though my amh was 16 then. They do say that short protocol works better for lower amh but it does not control fsh which can result in lead follicles too early without oestrogen priming. I did long protocol at 38 but they didn’t not put me on high enough stims in the beginning. It can work well, however, but it worked best for me being on 225iu meriofert and 225iu fostimon. Long protocol does allow for even growth without needing to do oestrogen priming.

@Sar1010 very pleased to hear your good news and positive progress. I hope you get chance to relax a little for a few days, but it’s definitely going to be a stressful ride it’s inevitable in our position.

@2021ivfagain I’m really sorry to hear what’s been happening with your relationship. Like infertility isn’t absolutely shit enough as it is, it can have a really hard impact on the relationship with your partner. For what it’s worth, although we get on very well at the moment and my dh never went off sex di per se, he has said some pretty hurtful things to me in our first year or so ttc when things weren’t working out such as that I only wanted him for his sperm, that sex had become really boring, that we always just had to do everything in my terms in that department and once even during a heated row he told me to just go get myself a turkey baster! But eventually he came round and as I said we get on well now, including with the timed intercourse. I’m not saying that’ll definitely be the case with your dh or even that you should just shrug it off as I was really hurt at the time and your feelings are absolutely valid. I was just saying to let you know you’re not alone in that infertility can really cause a rift with someone’s partner and have a genuine impact on sex life sadly, I think it’s depressingly common. I hope he comes round and apologises for the things he said x

@Enfys23 we are about to embark on one end December as had 3 short protocol which resulted in massively fragmented embryos and uneven growth of follicles. My amh and afc are fine but I don't respond typically with my pcos so we're trying prostap (buserelin massive supply issue), meriofert and gonal f, gonasi trigger. He's going to give gentler dose for a slower stim as last ones they just pushed it high and fast. Way u see it, shirt didn't work very well in terms of transferable embryos (2 out of 20 embryos) and nothing to freeze so we have nothing to lose by trying x

@Sar1010 very happy for u , fingers crossed 🙏 did u manage to know if canesflor is ok to take? That would be really helpful to know Tx

@2021ivfagain I'm sorry this is happening for you. It's awful when you are both in different places and you get help and OH digs his head in sand and won't seek help. My Oh is like that but with MH support. In our relationship I was the one who was having issues as I have pelvic pain and the association with sex and conception was interfering with the enjoyment. We have also utilised other forms of intimacy, we keep talking although sometimes its really hard to hear. It's hard for guys but i don't think they're quite as equipped as we are to handle emotional stuff although we go through a hell of a lot. Maybe he just needs validation and acknowledgement of it being hard for him and feeling like that; the bitterness to me seems maybe he felt guilty for feeling it, hid it away wants to be intimate but then feels like he does and gets annoyed with the situation and himself. Hang in there, keep talking, to each other and us x

@kerrym87 My husband no longer enjoys sex. He used to buy he’s nearly 44. I’m 42. He’s constantly tired due to shifts. He has made me insecure now in our relationship. He said he would still have sex with me, but he no longer enjoys it. He still has a sex drive, but doesn’t enjoy it due to having to have it a lot in the past when trying for my son and the second. He has poor morphology so natural conception was not on the cards. His sperm count was always above average so I think it’s his tiredness and bitterness which are at play. Yesterday he apologised due to shutting down emotionally and saying hurtful things he doesn’t know what he wants anymore. The bitterness is making him miserable.

We met 10 years ago this Christmas Eve and been married 8 years. It’s been hard with IVF, money worries, my mum and dad’s health issues etc.

I feel scared to even sleep in the same bed because I feel as though he’s on such a short fuse. He could decide to leave me at any moment. I’m organising a date night for Friday. I still love him and he has told me he loves me but all the hurtful things he has said have caused damage and made me feel insecure. I’m always the first to initiate holding hands and cuddling. He always used to be very affectionate. He is with our son and he is with me if I initiate. I just want to get back to how we used to be. There was a time when I had no worries at all because he always showed me affection and told me how he felt. It’s like he’s hardened up and shut down emotionally.

Have you told him how you feel @2021ivfagain and the impact on you? I really hope you can both open communication and find a way through this. It’s so hard going through all this. Sending hugs

Thank you @kerrym87 @2021ivfagain
I think I am thinking the same @kerrym87 that little to lose from trying a new approach.

@Enfys23 He’s watched me get upset in front of him. Yesterday I got upset again and that’s when I suggested going on a date night but I feel very vulnerable. I can’t imagine my life without him. But just wish he could be like he used to be. He’s even said he started to regret getting married when we had our last argument. He said who was the one who encouraged us to get married? Oh wait it was you. On our wedding day he said it felt right. It’s like living with a stranger who every so often shows glimpses of his old character. I think the medication I’m on at present is making me feel worse and the fact I work from home.

@2021ivfagain in our female minds we think they will put two and two together as to why we are upset, I’ve learnt with my DH that it really does need spelling out. Writing it down may be easier if you feel you’ll get emotional.
I got upset earlier this year as I felt I was horrible to be around between bad PMS, migraines, bad endo pains etc and going from treatment cycle to treatment cycle. Then DH kept accepting jobs that kept him working away. And I felt very vulnerable and got really upset and worried that he no longer wanted to be around me. I explained how it was making me feel and he was shocked. He’d seen me get upset when he’d told me about another work trip but just thought I was missing him a bit. He’d just seen it as opportunity to earn more given IVF so expensive and thought I was coping okay. After that he really moderated what he said yes to and checked in with me before accepting etc.
Sorry that was a roundabout way of saying sometimes we can think we are on the same page and they know what you’re thinking/feeling but unless you spell it out I think often men don’t know.
I really hope you both can start to open channels of communication. My heart really goes out to you xx

Hello ladies.
Do you know whether it’s safe to have a smear test during the TWW? Or if it’s detrimental to conception to have it pre-ovulation? In balance which is the lesser of the two evils when TTC? Thanks

@clhiu any time you’re not bleeding is fine but from TTC point of view I would avoid 2WW so as not to cause any uterine cramps. Best of luck xx

@clhiu I asked my surgeon this and he said not to do it in the cycle at all. He said if it's not successful I can do it in the early part of the next cycle, if it is successful he said he wouldn't haven't considered me high risk and it could wait until after pregnancy. It ended up that the FET didn't work so I had it.

Thank you both @Enfys23 and @Gardenlady543 , there’s less of a 5% chance of me being pregnant this month due to timing of ovulation and intercourse (because of me being away from DH). I’ll still take a test just in case so I’ll try squeezing it in between test date and the start of my next period.