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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

FET / IVF August 2023

997 replies

KG1244 · 13/07/2023 19:30

I’m due to start my second round of FET in August so thought I would set up this group for some treatment buddies ❤️

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15
ttcsolomumtobe · 17/08/2023 20:33

@kirstysmbc please could you tell me the name of the book? And any others you suggested, when I my donor implications counselling they had a lovely book and cannot for the life of me remember if, seen a few poor quality or basic ones on Amazon.

@GCS34 defo hoping to not be bankruptbyspunk but I do agree it's a fab name haha.

Ethnicity - so when going through the whole catalogue on the first website I filtered by light to medium skin tone to try match mine and also my friend circle. I didn't want a baby to feel like an outcast, unfortunately even other children can be mean. With the last clinic the 2 others were Asian or Chinese, both of which I feel have really strong backgrounds, traditions etc and I feel like choosing to have a child of that background and not be able to give them an understanding of it firsthand from a young age could lead to indentity issues.... Like probably totally overthinking it but its such a big decision I feel like you have to consider as many future impacts as possible.

There's a girl I used to follow on Instagram who is white British but finds Carribbean/African men attractive and has alot of friends who are mixed race couples and blended families and she opted for a dark skinned donor, her thinking being her baby have relatives/friends of similar skin tone so won't feel an outcast and if she met a partner in after having a baby then they would look like a family, based on they type of guy she goes for.

I will find the website I used and the promo code so you can access all the profiles etc as normally you pay for the access package

ttcsolomumtobe · 17/08/2023 20:42

@GCS34 you will need to sign up for an account but it's just basic details and you may have to opt to purchase a full info package but will be free based on you using the create email.

This allows you to see picture, listen to interviews, letters to donor conceived child, read more info... Can't remember the exact process but just have a nosey.... Honestly it's so complex to order the sperm it's not like you can click something and place an order by mistake ha.

It's strange how judgemental I found I got on someone's looks or things they said in their statement. Sometimes it's the little detail like someone in a different group that they picked their donor as in the letter to donor conceived child it said "parents/parent" and the single female felt it acknowledged her situation.

fairfaxcryobank.com/uk/create-
fertility

kirstysmbc · 17/08/2023 20:43

@GCS34 My daughter is only 18 months, so not she understands it at all, but the idea is that she hears about it so much it will feel like she's always known it. It says making a baby needs an egg, a seed and a warm tummy, and she always pats my tummy when we read that page, so something starting to go in...! The sperm bank are told about all pregnancies, but don't any info goes back to the donor.

@ttcsolomumtobe The book is the Our Story - solo mum version. The quality of the book isn't amazing, it's a paperback and a little flimsy, but the content is perfect. The mum in the pictures even looks a bit like me, so my daughter asks for the mummy book 😊

I don't know if you're on FB, but I'm in a really good U.K. solo mums by choice group there, and I think the Instagram mum you're referring to is in there too. I've found it really helpful at all stages of my journey.

ttcsolomumtobe · 17/08/2023 21:06

@kirstysmbc thank you, I will have a look for it. I am in that group but only joined a few days ago and haven't had chance to look at it yet.
She likely is, her Daughter is beautiful and they seemed really happy the last time I saw it on Insta (had to delete alot of the TTC/fertility stuff when my IUI failed as it felt a bit triggering) and her reasoning totally made sense. Wanted to give context around the picking donors and the type of things that go into the decision, my friends were so curious to know how much info you could get and were blown away by how much is given.

My clinic even said that since the change to known ID rulings in the UK there are such limited UK donors and they didn't expect any new ones to be added for a while. Also when a sample is given I think they have to freeze it for a certain time and do tests afterwards, donor has to go through counselling themselves. It's alot to do for the small financial pay out they may get and defo more about people wanting to help.

GCS34 · 17/08/2023 21:46

ttcsolomumtobe · 17/08/2023 20:33

@kirstysmbc please could you tell me the name of the book? And any others you suggested, when I my donor implications counselling they had a lovely book and cannot for the life of me remember if, seen a few poor quality or basic ones on Amazon.

@GCS34 defo hoping to not be bankruptbyspunk but I do agree it's a fab name haha.

Ethnicity - so when going through the whole catalogue on the first website I filtered by light to medium skin tone to try match mine and also my friend circle. I didn't want a baby to feel like an outcast, unfortunately even other children can be mean. With the last clinic the 2 others were Asian or Chinese, both of which I feel have really strong backgrounds, traditions etc and I feel like choosing to have a child of that background and not be able to give them an understanding of it firsthand from a young age could lead to indentity issues.... Like probably totally overthinking it but its such a big decision I feel like you have to consider as many future impacts as possible.

There's a girl I used to follow on Instagram who is white British but finds Carribbean/African men attractive and has alot of friends who are mixed race couples and blended families and she opted for a dark skinned donor, her thinking being her baby have relatives/friends of similar skin tone so won't feel an outcast and if she met a partner in after having a baby then they would look like a family, based on they type of guy she goes for.

I will find the website I used and the promo code so you can access all the profiles etc as normally you pay for the access package

@ttcsolomumtobe I get that. It’s not overthinking it at all. I think you have a right to overthink things thought when they are going to part you, part of your life, and your child! It’s no different than me thinking when I met my now husband if I wanted to go on a second date. It’s no different and you have every right. And I honestly think that’s really respectful to think of Theo heritage and background, and being honest that you hold your hands up and say you can’t offer that.

interesting on that woman. Not sure what to think really on it. And don’t think I have a right to cast an opinion either. Thanks for the info and link! I hope you don’t think I’m being insensitive looking. I just listen to podcasts with donors etc, and I just want to understand more. Hope you and @kirstysmbc dont mind anyway. X

GCS34 · 17/08/2023 21:53

kirstysmbc · 17/08/2023 20:43

@GCS34 My daughter is only 18 months, so not she understands it at all, but the idea is that she hears about it so much it will feel like she's always known it. It says making a baby needs an egg, a seed and a warm tummy, and she always pats my tummy when we read that page, so something starting to go in...! The sperm bank are told about all pregnancies, but don't any info goes back to the donor.

@ttcsolomumtobe The book is the Our Story - solo mum version. The quality of the book isn't amazing, it's a paperback and a little flimsy, but the content is perfect. The mum in the pictures even looks a bit like me, so my daughter asks for the mummy book 😊

I don't know if you're on FB, but I'm in a really good U.K. solo mums by choice group there, and I think the Instagram mum you're referring to is in there too. I've found it really helpful at all stages of my journey.

@kirstysmbc ah yeah unless she’s crazy intelligent (or your donor is Einstein) she might not get it at 18 months old 😂that book sounds adorable tho. What a lovely thing. That has made me well up a bit. How lovely. That’s so nice and genuinely made me feel a bit teary. I can’t wait to have something like that with my future child. You’ ve raised a good human. 🥰 from what I’ve heard on that BFN podcast, and from a name of one of the episodes (how it feels to know your donor has conceived) I take from that they must know? Swooping assumption there mind.

kirstysmbc · 17/08/2023 22:19

@GCS34 Don't mind the questions at all - I've had so many from friends and family now! And I don't think a donor at a bank are told anything about the people who buy their samples. They must know if there are pregnancies as that is reported on the website, but they can't tell them who has reported them. Obviously if you do it privately that's a different matter...

Ellenn · 17/08/2023 23:35

@GCS34 i think the wait times can change though, so potentially by the time she has her appointment it may be not as long. Plus different clinics have different lengths of waiting lists too 🤷‍♀️ so difficult to predict

im feeling ok trying to be very neutral, I will be 5 wks today, yes this is my third transfer now. My scan is booked for two weeks time, if I make it that far! I think I might get my medichecks result tomorrow morning which is slightly scary. Totally almost shit myself earlier as I looked on the results page and thought it had come through but it was from last week 👀 was like how on earth can it be the same result when I have strong lines LOL stupid brain

Ellenn · 17/08/2023 23:36

@GCS34 also thanks for the suggestion of the BFN podcast it is great, so relatable and funny. I’ve listened to a couple of episodes now and really enjoying it, incase anyone else thinking about it go have a listen!

ttcsolomumtobe · 18/08/2023 05:33

@GCS34 no honestly I don't mind, I do think it's really interesting to know other aspects of the fertility world. You'll defo see it's very much like a dating profile thing in alot of ways.

I'm totally lost with who is testing in the next few days but know some are so just wanted to say 🤞🏻 and good luck to all !

scaredynoob · 18/08/2023 06:25

@ttcsolomumtobe - I'm testing on Weds, so two days after you.. zero symptoms until now. Absolutely zero. (My day 3 fresh transfer was on the 10th)

ttcsolomumtobe · 18/08/2023 06:49

@scaredynoob will be keeping my fingers crossed for us both 🤞🏻. I've been reassured many times that no symptoms doesn't mean anything and know this can be the case as 2 friends reached 8 & 9 weeks pregnant before they knew. One of whom had a miscarriage around 10 months prior so she was very in tune with her body but thought stress had stopped her period and couldn't face to see anything negative test and had no other symptoms.

My only real symptom is the terrible nip on but I've been like it since day after EC so know it's the progesterone. I've had other feeling but know these can be explained by none IVF related stuff so just choosing to ignore them.

Absolutely had the urge to test this morning but didn't. Think that's part fear of my period arriving before OTD and bursting my happy bubble, which is what happened with my IUIs.

Just keep reminding myself that in no way can I control what happens in the coming days or the test outcome, can only control (to some extent) how I react to it and how I let it impact me. That was my main take away point from 8 weeks of costly counselling 😂

GCS34 · 18/08/2023 08:01

Ellenn · 17/08/2023 23:36

@GCS34 also thanks for the suggestion of the BFN podcast it is great, so relatable and funny. I’ve listened to a couple of episodes now and really enjoying it, incase anyone else thinking about it go have a listen!

@Ellenn it really is isn’t it? Jusy funny, relatable and just as if you have 2 mates chatting about it with you. Which ones you listened to? Theirs loads of episodes too so you won’t get bored! Glad you find it good though!

So hope the results come today for you. I listened to one of the episodes last night actually about HCG and prof Tim said hcg doubles on average every 2-3 days, so it is quite fluid in terms of how much and when. Everyone assumes it’s 48hrs. But it’s in fact up to 72. Found that helpful! What date is your scan again? And remind me the milestone that you want to get past based on the last 2? (Aside from obviously 38 weeks 😂)

GCS34 · 18/08/2023 08:05

ttcsolomumtobe · 18/08/2023 05:33

@GCS34 no honestly I don't mind, I do think it's really interesting to know other aspects of the fertility world. You'll defo see it's very much like a dating profile thing in alot of ways.

I'm totally lost with who is testing in the next few days but know some are so just wanted to say 🤞🏻 and good luck to all !

Thanks @ttcsolomumtobe. I’m going to look later! It’s like asos for sperm 😂😂 and absolutely. I know about my side of infertility, but theirs so many other sides to it so it’s interesting to know. Out of interest, if you don’t mind the question, in terms of you, would you be able to conceive naturally if you had a partner, or do you have something making it more challenging for you?

ditto I can’t remember who’s testing today but GOOD LUCK EVERYONE!!! Results please (if you want to share!)

GCS34 · 18/08/2023 08:07

kirstysmbc · 17/08/2023 22:19

@GCS34 Don't mind the questions at all - I've had so many from friends and family now! And I don't think a donor at a bank are told anything about the people who buy their samples. They must know if there are pregnancies as that is reported on the website, but they can't tell them who has reported them. Obviously if you do it privately that's a different matter...

Thanks @kirstysmbc 🥰 have you heard of egg sharing? Have you considered that? I can’t believe how much it brings the costs down?
what do you mean RE privately? As in, if you ask your mate? 😂

kirstysmbc · 18/08/2023 08:15

@GCS34 I was too old to do egg sharing unfortunately, but yes, it's a great way to bring down costs. And essentially yes, either ask a mate, or use one of many websites or Facebook groups where people offer to be donors for free. There are some really dodgy men on them though - think the Netflix documentary where a man fathered over 100 babies... Still, given the price of using a sperm bank, I can def see why so many people do it

ttcsolomumtobe · 18/08/2023 08:32

@GCS34 from what they saw on scans when I first started looking into my fertility stuff there was nothing known that would stop me getting pregnant naturally, I had 2 polyps removed a year ago but had been having unprotective sex when I was in my 20s in stable relationships thinking if I had a baby then it would be fine but not actively trying so no idea really, I have a shortish luteal phase so thought that could be it. The good thing about IVF Vs IUI is that IVF gives more info on egg quality (not all of it), so some people have failed fertilisation and if that had happened for me with a donor it would have suggested it was an egg quality issue.

Guna reply to the egg sharing thing too if that's okay because I looked into it as just a couple of years under age limit. I had an AMH report at the beginning of the year that said my AMH was 21 and with my current clinic you need it to be 20, when they tested it was only 16 so they wouldn't let me do egg sharing. My thinking was it would give a higher dose of meds and more eggs but they reassured me it's the same meds.

If someone opted to do it and you got 8 or more eggs they are split equal, and if there's a odd number you get to keep the extra one. If you got less than 8 you would have to pay the rest of the package fees to make it up to a normal mild cycle. I got 7 in the end, but does make me think with the drop off that which low numbers such as 8/10 and then giving away half before you even start the fertilisation process it could be chancey you end up with nothing.

Also as a donor you can checks register to see if a baby was born from those eggs, if I hadn't of had a baby and found out some were born from my eggs I feel that would be heartbreaking so was kinda happy the decision was taken out of my hands due to the reduced AMH.

Re the private donor stuff, let's say a gay friend, their sample would have to be checked and stored for a period of time and some legal agreement has to be written up to state what rights they have and don't have, same as in you can't claim maintenance from them.

Re the dodgy FB groups, oh my word it worries me but I can absolutely understand the desperation people must feel. Basically a man turns up to a person's house in his van, produces a fresh sample and then the woman/partner of woman places it inside with a kit bought offline... So a very cheap version of an IUI.

My personal feelings (mini rant sorry) on it are that it's wrong on so many levels, a child conceived that way could end up in a relationship with a blood relative, also explaining to a child, as the truth always comes out, you don't know that donors medical history and it lets anyone access it, sometimes on a whim too. I get that is harsh but for my first clinic I had to have all my GP medical records and family history available to my clinic to check I would be a suitable parent, they can decline people.

I've had a male friend offer to be a donor for me in the past and shamefully but being honest slept with a friend's with benefits when I wasn't on protection and around time of ovulation because of just feeling so desperate but even those are a whole other minefield. If a baby is conceive by intercourse then legally that guy is the father and has rights. You can't even write up a contract agreement when intercourse has happened.

KG1244 · 18/08/2023 08:37

Hi all, this group will close at 1000 messages. I saw that someone else has also set up an august group so suggest we continue on there.

love how many of us are on here ❤️

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ttcsolomumtobe · 18/08/2023 08:40

@KG1244 oh yea! That happened in the July group. If anyone knows how to set up a group you can name it the same as this and just put part 2, that's what July did and tag people from this group in it.
Don't wanna feel like I'm boycotting another groups ongoing convos

KG1244 · 18/08/2023 08:44

Ok. I’ll set up the group now. Might need some help with tagging though, there are so many of us 😂

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KG1244 · 18/08/2023 08:46

Ok so the group is set up. Titled thread 2 ❤️

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Steph186 · 18/08/2023 10:32

@GCS34 hahaha!

my natural periods are a mess too! Wild usually be very 28-90ish days, so maybe a max of 4-5 a year and very unpredictable as to when they’ll happen!

so the norethisterone basically causes a build up of lining, so when you stop you have a bleed within 3 days (I’m sure it’s 3, maybe 5)
yeah the estradiol is the estrogen, I don’t find the meds too bad but they do make me very tried and forgetful so I’m enjoying the break before they start!

we’re actually going away tomorrow! Very last minute week to Tenerife, so will be lots of sun and a few cocktails but will try to be sensible! Running around trying to work out what we need to buy/organise for going though!
Where are you going?

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