Anyone seriously struggling with the emotional side?

[findingsomeone]

I've had another baby bomb and it's knocked me sideways. Really struggling with this one, it's crippling me.

Whatever your story, is there anybody else here just in the absolute pits emotionally with infertility at the moment, who would like to rant/whinge/sob?

Got a bit of good news in the scan today. Lining up to 8mm and will be transferring next week

@Conundrum12345 That's fantastic news, I'm so glad you at least get to go ahead. Will keep everything crossed for you.

Thanks @Cherry35, the issue wasn't lining, it was ovulation this time. The issues I've had before were 1 failed and 2 ectopics so a bit of variation. I have tried acupuncture and like to do massage to help with relaxation. Personally I wouldn't bother with herbs etc. There isn't any evidence and it's another expense.
Well done on your weight loss, that's a great achievement. It can't be easy to stay motivated when dealing with all the stress and upset that goes with infertility.

@Dragonlady3 would you recommend acupuncture? Have been thinking about things I could try and do differently...

Yes and no with the acupuncture! I did some research and there is evidence to say it helps, but more so with fresh than frozen cycles. I did find it relaxing and managed to get cheap health insurance that covered half the costs. On the other hand, it was just more appointments to try and fit around life and more expense so I couldn't be bothered this time.
I did also read research that having a session of acupuncture or massage just before transfer improves chances of implantation, so I've always done that (usually massage) the morning of.

I've also been reading a bit about acupuncture and interested in anyone's experiences with it (I'm normally so sceptical of things like that!) I almost booked a session last week.

I have had my LH surge today so going for IUI round 2 tomorrow... fingers crossed...

I'm enjoying a drink tonight, and wistfully hoping it's going to be my last one for nine months.

The hoping in every cycle is so difficult isn't it?

I hope everyone is doing ok today x

@thislittlebird omg I completely understand about taking time off. I have felt like it as well, in fact I've taken the odd day and even told my employer I was struggling emotioally but haven't actually taken a chunk of time yet. Did you find it helpful? I hope you felt a bit better for the time off. I'm lucky my employer has been understanding of all this and I know I could take time if I needed it in future.

@krisskrosses

I read online that accupuncture before ET and after ET improves the chances of success/implantation. I'm not sure though but will add it just in case. Best wishes on your IUI.

@Cherry35 oh that sounds horrid, sorry you've had to go through that.

@Dragonlady3 the acupuncture expense is what made me stop. I went fairly regularly for over a year and it was relaxing, but after the first BFN I stopped and haven't been back since. I can't justify the cost right now but might be able to do a couple of sessions in the next couple of months, I do think it helped get my periods back to normal in the past, either it helped or it was a coincidence.

@krisskrosses yeah tbh I'm ok and then I'm suddenly emotional so I'm glad I'm not at work. Going to take the week off I can self-certify for, I think. I feel stupid but I'm also going to retract the acceptance of a job offer. It just doesn't feel like the right time to take more on and be going in to the office more. I know in my (boring) current role that my boss understands and is happy for me to take the time I need.

@thislittlebird, did you go down the insurance route? I went with simply health, your employer might have a deal or it's fairly cheap anyway. Like £22 a month and so long as your acupuncturist is registered, you can claim back half the costs of each session. So it pays for itself after one session really! Very easy and simple to set up and you can just cancel the insurance when you're finished. It's still expensive but if it's something you felt helped, might be worth looking into.
I understand what you mean about the job too. My work have been very supportive and that's more important than any wider career plans right now. There's a lot to be said for low stress and people who know you!

Hi everyone, been a couple of days since I posted so I wanted to give an update. I had my 2nd beta on Wednesday (12dp5dt) and my level had more than doubled from 25 to 61. Midwife suggested no more bloods and booked us in for our scan on the 25th with a tentative congratulations. I wish I could just fast forward to find out if everything is developing okay. Frers lines are continuing to darken so i'm hoping it continues and we have a miracle. I'm still spotting but the midwife doesn't seem too concerned about that right now. My mood is very up and down, I start feeling positive and then remind myself of all the negative stories I've read of others with hcg as low as mine. I took today and yesterday off work to try to process it all.

Trying to catch up on the recent posts, welcome everyone. @TimetoChangeClinics I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've been through, including your husband's diagnosis. My husband had Hodgkins in his early twenties. We were nowhere close to thinking about having children when that happened and it was stressful and terrifying enough. He's 10 years in remission now. 🙏

We had acupuncture a week before transfer and then twice on the day of transfer before and after. It was definitely relaxing and I have ended up with a positive (albeit rocky) result on my very first attempt so who knows? 🤷‍♀️

I just wanted to say thank you to @clhsgirl and everyone on this thread - you got me through a very dark day on Wednesday. Now to google acupuncture treatments...

@thislittlebird definitely not a good time to change jobs with all these treatments' craziness.

I want to leave current job but haven't because I can go to dr appointments, call sick to attend hospital EC or ET, etc easily without further issues or being interrogated. Safe enough to work when pregnant also. My ego wants a new job but my wish to be a mother is stronger and I get stability in the meantime.

@clhsgirl I'm so glad you got some positive news. Fingers crossed for more good news on the 25th.

@Conundrum12345 - congrats on your good news too! When's your transfer?

I have acupuncture regularly and throughly recommend it, although not because I think it'll help with fertility. I just find my acupuncturist really good to talk to, and it's an hour where I can just unburden myself and then do a bit of relaxing/meditation. It is expensive though.

On the job front - infertility seems to just press the pause button on your life - we held back on doing work to the house, going on holiday, changing jobs for 2.5 years. I decided I couldn't wait indefinitely anymore so did change my job at the start of the year (when I naively thought it would only be a couple of months until I started IVF...). I was really nervous about doing it, however it was absolutely the best decision for me as I still haven't started IVF. I'm in a far more interesting role and feel like I'm developing new skills rather than stuck in a rut. It's obviously a totally different decision if you have already started IVF though, as you have far more understanding of the amount of time off and the emotional turmoil it puts you through than I do. And I will admit that it keeps me up at night worrying about how I'll cope and whether to tell my boss when I finally get to having IVF.

My transfer is on Friday. I've an mixture of emotions about it. Had intralipid infusion yesterday and with the medications am pretty wiped. I was DR for 6 weeks.

I'm a big lover of acupuncture. If anything it's great for stress relief and calming

@Conundrum12345 best wishes on your transfer. May this be the one successful 😁.

Thank you. So nervous about it!

I've done a bit of a mixture when it comes to jobs - I've stayed within broadly the same organisation but I have moved within that organisation and done two different roles, one on promotion - I've personally found that it's been a good balance - it gives a certain degree of much needed continuity but it also allows me to feel like I'm progressing my career.

@Conundrum12345 how have you found immunity testing/treatment? (I think that's what intralipid infusions are for - sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick!) DH and I are wondering whether to push this with our clinic...

@TimetoChangeClinics I got two internal job offers and turned them both down, I feel a bit like an idiot for doing it, like I gave into the fear. I’m worried I’ve made the wrong call tbh by retracing my acceptance but it’s done now. I don’t want to give up my flexibility and ability to work from home, they’d want me in three days for the new job (five days for the other job I turned down first) and I don’t want to do that right now, plus that would mostly eat up my pay increase.

If I knew that this team would be ok with me working like I do now I’d have taken it. But they were so insistent on the three days that it didn’t sit well with me (employer policy is two days). My job isn’t a job that needs to be done from a particular place.

@kanga0 I hate that everything is on hold, my job is boring and I’m in a huge rut. But I didn’t feel I could give up the peace of mind I have right now for a manager I’ve never met and I have no idea what they’ll be like.

@thislittlebird I honestly think it sounds like it was the right thing to do under those circumstances - flexibility is so important when it comes to appointments and it doesn't sound like that role was a good fit.

@TimetoChangeClinics it just felt like an error to go back to something I know I dislike, which is a majority of time spent in the office. Frustrating though, I put all this effort into getting two jobs and then changed my mind.

If I knew the manager maybe I’d be ok with it but they haven’t been recruited yet so I can’t possibly know what they’re like. It felt like I could potentially end up being stressed out having to ask for time off or saying I’m off to appointments and then worrying that those appointments took half a day. Easier to blend into/disappear in a bigger team, this would have only been me and the manager I’ve never met.

@thislittlebird - I think you've made the right decision too. As I said, you're in a totally different place than I was when I changed jobs. Also there's no way my old boss would have understood me needing time off for IVF, so I didn't really have anything to lose by moving!

You should be really proud that you got 2 job offers though. Hopefully that reassures you that when you feel ready to change jobs then you'll find it easy to get another offer.

We have had 2 losses before starting IVF and I didn't want to leave a stone unturned before transfer.

I have high NK cells and am on high dose steroids and intralipids. I'm really glad I did the test. It doesn't come cheap about €1200.

I also did a thrombophilia screening. It showed I have the homozygous MTHFR gene so switching folic acid for folate and Alice and Emma.

Hi everyone, hope you're all trundling along OK. Really glad we've found a few of us the same boat!

I went AWOL for a bit, another clomid cycle failure complete with baby loss awareness week and what should have been my brother's 33rd birthday yesterday (he died suddenly last year). It's just been a shitter of a week really. I feel suffocated by it all.

I've been listening to the Worst Girl Gang Ever podcast and it prompted me to ask my GP for a referral to the Tommy's miscarriage clinic. Got to speak to the GP tomorrow and hoping it's not going to be a huge fight. Have also contacted some private providers to see what they can do for me once the NHS clomid runs out. And I am going to look into some therapy too. What a joyous post this is!

@findingsomeone I'm so sorry that's such a lot all at once. Please look after yourself the best you can. Sending so much love ❤️