IVF Nov/Dec cycle buddies - part 2

[BrandyM]

@ivfhope3
@MF1981
@81Poppy
@Jane1284
@lucymills1234
@Roo45
@dragonfly1978
@EasterBunny7
@Emmalouise11
@Gensola
@IslandStars
@Luludarty

Couldn't sleep last night and finally gave in at 5am and did the test. It was negative as expected. Obviously we are devastated. Even though I had a strong feeling it had not worked there was still a small sliver of hope. Have an overwhelming feeling that this will never happen for us and that my body will never be pregnant. Hoping it goes away and I can pick myself up to try again in the new year.

Thanks for everyone's kind words. You've made a hard journey much less painful with your support and encouragement. I hope 2021 is a positive year for us all. Much love xx

Oh @Jane1284 I’m so so sorry. This is so cruel and unfair. Thinking of you

@Jane1284 I’m so sorry, my heart goes out to you. Sending you virtual hugs xx

So sorry @Jane1284 I felt the same and trying to bring myself forwards but also telling myself it's completely normal to feel like this after what we've been through. Thinking of you xx

So so sorry to hear your news @Jane1284. It's cruel that everyone goes through the same emotional and physical process and yet the outcome varies. If we didn't hang on to the sliver of hope, we'd never go through it in the first place.

I hope you're able to take a bit of time to recover from this and whatever you decide to do next, it works out for you. I can't imagine it's much consolation right now but your body did surprise you in some ways and you know more now than you did at the start. Be kind to yourself xx

So sorry @Jane1284 xx

@Jane1284 so sorry 😔!! Xx

How is everyone else doing? It seems like a lot of people have had their result now? Is anyone else still in the 2ww with me?

@Jane1284 I'm so sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you xx

Thanks for all your kind words. Means a lot xx

@lucymills1234 I’m still in the 2ww

Think it might just be the two of us @ShiMo ! How are things going for you?

Struggling today. OTD is Friday, but today I've had very period-like symptoms and (sorry for TMI) a little bit of brown discharge. It is only a little - can only see it when I wipe - but I am feeling gutted.

@lucymills1234 I think some brown discharge is fairly normal. It could be old implantation bleeding? I've heard of so many cases with a bit of discharge and bleeding ending up in a BFP and a healthy pregnancy. It's so hard not to worry about these things though. I completely understand. There's no end to the worry really.

I've got everything crossed for you and @ShiMo and will be here to support you through the next hurdles xxx

Thanks @BrandyM

I think I've got 'the fear' because last week I did have some cramping and it came to nothing, but never bled. Today it's more that pulling sensation lower down in my pelvis that I get when my period is just about to start and when I saw brown it felt like confirmation :( I don't know why else I'd be getting those specific sensations so long after other cramps and twinges stopped.

Did anyone else have the same kind of lower abdominal aches?

@lucymills1234 I had exact same thing, had brown spotting and then turned red, like a really light period. I then got a positive pregnancy test at 10dp5dt. The brown spotting went on for 2 days, then turned pink, and red, all together lasted about 3 days. I though I was out, so was very shocked to see a positive test xx

Thanks @MrsF1989 ! There's been nothing more as yet, so fingers crossed. OTD tomorrow. I'm quite scared to test but know I can't live in limbo forever. Have managed to hold out and not test early. Keep telling myself I don't expect a positive yet know if I don't get one I'll be devastated. This process drives you barmy!

@lucymills1234 glad it stopped! It's sounding really positive! I like your more pragmatic outlook on the result but really hope it's BFP tomorrow xx

@lucymills1234 I have everything crossed for you for tomorrow. Well done on holding out till OTD, that is some major self-control you have, I can see myself giving in and testing early!

I’ve had some mild cramping that feels like AF is on its way, so I’m not massively optimistic, so with that plus knowing that my chances aren’t great with my poor quality embryos is not giving me much hope unfortunately. How are you feeling today, any more symptoms?

Fingers crossed for you both!!

Had my follow up today and the consultant said whilst it's more likely a sperm issue that caused the poor embryos at day 5 they can't fully exclude an egg issue as some of my eggs weren't suitable for injection and have suggested higher dose menopur but a short protocol instead of long.

Out of 11 only 7 were suitable for injection and out of those 5 fertilised, I am quite new to IVF but thought that was fairly average? I would have thought a short protocol would lead to lower eggs and a lower chance of success as for us it seems to be MFI only but I'm not the expert I guess!

@Roo45 was that 11 mature eggs or 11 eggs retrieved?

@ShiMo 11 retrieved, 2 were immature and 2 abnormal. How's the 2ww going?xx

@Roo45 I’m not an expert as this so my first cycle but I suspect it’s usual for there to be some abnormal and/or immature eggs.

I was also on long protocol and my embryos weren’t great so I will certainly ask my consultant about short protocol if this cycle fails. It sounds like your consultant has a sort of plan for you though?

Can’t say I’m enjoying the TWW if I’m honest! Trying to keep my mind busy but it’s very easy to go down the old Dr Google rabbit hole looking up symptoms 🙈

@Roo45 the short protocol just means you don’t down reg first. I had short protocol and got 22 eggs of which 11 were mature so they said they would tweak it next time if I need a next time to try and improve the numbers of mature eggs.

Thanks @MF1981 and @ShiMo the 2ww is awful isn't it I found it so hard to keep my mind occupied.

I'm feeling annoyed at myself too, just before we started our cycle (we went private due to covid delays) we got a letter saying our CCG transferred care to create and they could see us the following month! In the end I decided to give up our NHS round as I was worried about a second lockdown and create don't offer along protocol which I thought would be best for us. Luckily I had enough money saved up but now wondering if I could have saved thousands of pounds!
There is no way of knowing what will work though I guess, I bet even the same treatment regime would give different results in different months! Xx

Thanks @BrandyM. With hindsight, the brown discharge (sorry!) was hardly anything, but I'm still feeling nervous every time I go to the loo! I think I'm kidding myself trying to be pragmatic, fact is I'll be crushed if it is a BFN however much I try to shield myself from it beforehand.

@ShiMo it's either self-control or total fear! Nerves kicking in now for sure. I've had quite a bit of cramping - first it was a few days after transfer, cramps and also some sharper twinges. Then all quiet for a bit. This week, more cramping again and lower down which made me think it must be a period coming... but I don't usually get cramping for this long before bleeding. There are so many cases on here of top quality embryos not working any supposedly 'lower' quality ones implanting, so hang in there.

@Roo45 your rates of fertilisation sounds good to me, I had 11 eggs collected as well but only 5 fertilised in my case (4 normally). It seems there's always a balance of some follicles growing more rapidly than others and the question of when is best to trigger to minimise those which are over- or under-mature. Maybe the theory is that you can take more control over that if you are on lower stims and have fewer follicles?

The 2ww has dragged like nothing else and now it's nearly OTD I am feeling such a chicken... counting down...