Secondary infertility. When to stop trying?

[Lmos]

Just looking to see what people's thoughts are or if anyone is in a similar position at the moment.

I have a beautiful 5 year old who is amazing but I have always pictured having more than one child.

Our journey to have another baby has been rough. I have suffered numerous miscarriages, tried clomid treatment and pretty much been told attempting ivf would be a waste of time. It has been all consuming.

My question is, when do I stop putting myself and my family through all this. I feel like I am at the point of giving up but terrified I will live to regret it in years to come.

I'm so confused

Hi everyone - I know this is an old thread, but I’m 42 next week and have been trying for a second baby for over two years. Husband has been dragged kicking and screaming almost the entire way. I’ve had two MMCs which required D&Cs, and then two failed rounds of IVF, with no viable blastocysts. Was wondering how everyone has got on since this thread. Any success stories? Any insight on life after you decided to stop trying. Just in a dark place right now.

Hey. I had a baby at 34 and then no luck trying for the second until I was 41. I conceived at 41 and had her at 42. Just thought I'd share a positive story. All natural. No IVF involved.

after a long, tough journey I finally got my BFP when I was 43. Our daughter was born at the end of Dec 2023. I was given a less than 3% chance (ivf and using my own eggs) so she really is a miracle x

Hi. I also have a positive story, I had my second child at 43. Our first was conceived by IVF at 39 on the first try, then we had 3 very unsuccessful IVF attempts (one or no eggs) then went on to conveive naturally. My little boy is now 4.

One thing that changed between the failed attempts and getting pregnant is I followed the advice in the book "It Starts With The Egg". There's lots of advice on lifestyle and supplements with supportive scientific explanation. I literally did everything advised, which is a bit overwhelming but i do believe that made the difference for me. In particular I took DHEA, which I think was the key thing.

Good luck with your journey. It's such a horrible time and I have so much sympathy for those still going through it.

I posted on this thread a long time ago, I went on to be successful from my transfer with donor eggs and baby is now 3! Not a conventional route but she’s the best thing I’ve ever done

Thank you all so much for responding! It’s been such an emotionally rollercoaster and I have moments of absolute despair. I feel like this is the last year I can convince my husband to keep trying as the age gap is getting wider (daughter will be 4 in December)

Hello @CanuckinLondon, just came across this thread tonight and wanted to say you’re not alone. I’m 99% sure our latest round of IVF has failed.
I’m almost 39 and my little boy is just over 2. We transferred the remaining 2 embryos from our first ivf cycle, 1 ended in a mmc and the other a chemical. We’ve just done a new round of ivf and from 11 fertilised eggs we only ended up with one day 5 blast - which looks like it hasn’t worked. My husband and I have said we’ve both got 1 more round in us, but I don’t know what to think anymore. I found this 2nd round of ivf exhausting both physically and emotionally. I don’t know if I can face doing another round to end up with nothing or to go through another miscarriage. But I’m so desperate to experience pregnancy again and to give my son a sibling. It’s so hard and feels really unfair 💔

I could’ve written all of this myself - and I feel everything you’re going through with IVF. I found it soul crushing, and couldn’t bring myself to do another round, which is why we’re trying naturally even though it’s statistically less likely we’ll get pregnant this way. I’m trying to hold on to the last shred of hope I have left, and today is a good day mentally and emotionally, but I’ve had more bad than good lately. All this is to say - hang in there but also make the decision that’s best for your family and mental health. You’re not alone (clearly, by us all searching through these threads).

Hey, I wasn't in the original thread but just wanted to say you're not alone. I also have a daughter who just turned 4 (and also in London!). My husband is happy as a family of 3 but just about happy to try a little longer. It's so so hard and I'm trying to slowly move towards acceptance if it doesn't work out. Just looking into some other investigations now after two failed rounds of ovulation induction. I hope you get your BFP 😊

Can I ask about the DHEA please? Was this for low testosterone? Mine is low and I've been taking DHEA for a month but it hasn't increased my testosterone levels.

Hi - yes my testosterone was fairly low. I think it takes 2-3 months for levels to settle - and it doesn't impact testosterone as directly as DHEA-S in the blood. So maybe stick with it a bit longer.

There is quite a lot of information in the It Starts With The Egg book which I would recommend reading, but essentially I tracked my blood levels of DHEA-S to check it wasn't going too high and get the dose right. I did it at home via Medichecks (it was a few years ago so not sure if that is still an option).

Oh interesting, so my testosterone blood test result wouldn't change? Should I ask for a DHEA-S blood test instead?

Thanks for the info! I have read It Starts with the Egg and have made quite a few changes, and added supplements based on it.

I realised I never responded! Thank you for such kind words. Still trying over here, but feel less desperate, if that makes any sense? I know that we’ll ultimately be great as a family of 3, but still not ready to give up yet. I hope you get your BFP soon as well!