Secondary infertility. When to stop trying?

[Lmos]

Just looking to see what people's thoughts are or if anyone is in a similar position at the moment.

I have a beautiful 5 year old who is amazing but I have always pictured having more than one child.

Our journey to have another baby has been rough. I have suffered numerous miscarriages, tried clomid treatment and pretty much been told attempting ivf would be a waste of time. It has been all consuming.

My question is, when do I stop putting myself and my family through all this. I feel like I am at the point of giving up but terrified I will live to regret it in years to come.

I'm so confused

[quote livealittlemore]@greendress789 so sorry it's a BFN... can you check again after a couple of days?
Boris's news was what that made me really upset and angry yesterday. Feel like it's so easy for people who don't even really care!
Also, I don't understand the point of all these famous people speaking about having miscarriages, sharing their heartache when they are pregnant again and have a chance to get over the heartache. There are a few who has probably had difficult fertility journeys but seems like many of them are just trying to gain sympathy or stay in the news. When the truth is thousands of women go through this in silence, many, after years and years of trying/fertility treatments and many will probably not have their rainbow babies so will never get over it. While every miscarriage is painful, truth is famous people have options which many of us don't...so I can never relate to them nor can feel sad for them![/quote]
I agree with every word.

Hi @livealittlemore only you can make the call on IVF but i imagine there are lots of women at 40,41 doing it. I won’t lie its the worst stress I’ve ever felt in my life and we’ve spent a hell of a lot of money but I wanted to know that I’d tried it.

And yep, agree with your celebrity comments too.

After two years of TTC for number 2 including a laparoscopy for endometriosis and then three miscarriages, a year after the third (with no sniff of a bfp despite trying) we are having IVF with donor eggs. It's not for everyone, but this is our 'we tried everything' line in the sand. Am now 41 and it took two years to conceive DC so we didn't really have time to keep trying and IVF seemed, statistically, no more successful than trying naturally, which wasn't working

Hi @NotMyDayJob have you started your donor cycle yet?

Hi @greendress789 I bought my eggs from an egg bank so they were frozen. I didn't have to do a donor cycle, it was similar to a FET

Hi @NotMyDayJob that's what I did too. Are you with LWC?

My DC cried last night saying he wished he had a brother or sister to share his bedroom with so he wouldn't feel scared to sleep alone at night 😢

Sorry to hear that @greendress789 and I’m sure that was upsetting to hear. I have a lot of guilt, stress, horrible feelings about the future as to how my son will feel if he doesn’t have a sibling. My brother is 12 years older than me and there was just me and him so I felt like an only child and I hated it. I don’t want my son to feel the same. Sending love x

Thanks @KayReeves.

Had my review with the consultant today after my failed donor egg cycle.

Hi @greendress789 how did the review go? Do you have a next step? x

Usual crap - try again 🙄

Oh that old chestnut, not very helpful is it when you feel like absolute crap. Do you have a certain number of cycles pre paid for?

No 😐

This is the 5th round of ivf we've had TTC a sibling 😢

I’m really sorry to hear that @greendress789

It just feels like a never ending nightmare and the continual reminder of families with 2+ children everywhere is a slap in the face everytime. People seem to talk about ‘having another’ with such ease.

I know it doesn’t change anything but I know how you feel. xx

Sorry it's the same old "try again" response @greendress789...it doesn't help...must be so tough after 5 rounds...what are you thinking next? Have you thought of other options? Adoption? It's really sad when children ask for siblings and we can't really explain why they don't have one and why they might not have one...when I see DS's friends playing, arguing or generally interacting with their siblings, I feel DS is missing out on that special bond and I feel sad for him. He doesn't seem to care though...does your DC have cousins? Friends nearby?
Thanks @KayReeves yeah it's a tough call deciding about IVF... I spoke to a friend who has had 2 children through IVF and I feel like we have to give it a try. But spoke to my consultant yesterday and he was a bit discouraging...emphasising on the fact that ivf may not improve my chance! Will set up an initial appointment with a clinic nearby and see how it goes from there..

My DH is really struggling recently. What can I do to make him feel better?

We've had 2 people we know have their second baby within the last couple of weeks and our neighbour is due any day now - it would've been me if our cycle last December had worked.

So many due dates that have never amounted to anything 😔

I don't understand why we are struggling so hard with something that comes so easily to others.

Hi all, I’ve been trying for 2 and half years for a sibling and suffered a chemical and 3 mmc. I seemed to fall pregnant easily but then lost them all.
I tried ivf with argc and got one pgs normal on ice. I decided to pgs as I have low amh and follicles and assumed it was down to age/chromosome issues.
I decided to try for another pgs normal via ivf with argc but at the last minute the cycle was converted to iui and now in second trimester.
What I did differently with this pregnancy was get my immunes tested by dr Gorgy. I have high killer cells and low antibodies to protect a pregnancy. I did a strong immunes programme. I also talked to another immune specialist Dr Shehata , who told me it’s statistically impossible to have 4 mcs in a row and it was likely immunes. This immune response is often triggered after a first healthy pregnancy.
In addition, before I went the immunes route I had all tests done - anti phospholipids , thyroid etc to make sure no issues there. I took the supplements ( as did dh) in it starts with the egg and did a low carb diet.
I just wanted to throw it out there to take a look at your immunes before stopping as I’m pretty sure it was the issue for me.

Thanks @Queenofsupreme. I am with dr Gorgy which I thought was the missing piece so very angry/disheartened that I had another BFN under his treatment. I will continue though.

PS congratulations on your pregnancy! 💐

A low carb diet is something I will look into once the holidays are over 😀

@Queenofsupreme apologies for the multitude of messages! But could you divulge the immunes treatment you had? I am on hydroxy and have had LIT therapy (painful 😩).

I guess sometimes they don’t implant if something is chromosomally wrong too? It’s hard to say. This one was chromosome normal and had immunes so perhaps why it’s got this far. I’m sorry you got a bfn , this journey is so tough.
I took 25mg steroids after bfp , baby aspirin, intralipids, ivig, LIT (yes very painful! Use numbing cream!) clexane , so a lot !

Oh was also on 6x cyclogest and prontogest injections from argc

Just an update here, feeling completely broken, another failed ivf attempt. This time I got a faint positive on the day I was told to test, gave us false hope as my blood test yesterday showed that quickly faded and I’m back to negative. I feel completely defeated by the whole process. I look at my darling daughter and feel I’ve let her down by not giving her a sibling, everywhere I go I see parents with 2 or more. I feel like such a failure. We’ve got one blastocyst left, I’m 42 and so worn down by it all.

I’m so sorry @Jellyfish7, I know how you are feeling at the moment and understand the complete and utter sense of hopelessness. IVF can be a very cruel process and when you are triggered by seeing families absolutely everywhere that makes it even more unbearable. You’re not a failure at all, I think the women who go through repeated IVF are warriors. Feel free to DM me if you want to rant, cry or anything else. Sending love x

Thank you @KayReeves, feeling very tearful at the moment but having to hold it together for my daughter. She asked if I had a baby in my tummy this morning 😢 it’s the toughest thing I’ve ever been through x