Secondary infertility. When to stop trying?

[Lmos]

Just looking to see what people's thoughts are or if anyone is in a similar position at the moment.

I have a beautiful 5 year old who is amazing but I have always pictured having more than one child.

Our journey to have another baby has been rough. I have suffered numerous miscarriages, tried clomid treatment and pretty much been told attempting ivf would be a waste of time. It has been all consuming.

My question is, when do I stop putting myself and my family through all this. I feel like I am at the point of giving up but terrified I will live to regret it in years to come.

I'm so confused

I could cry reading this thread. For many years thought we only wanted an only child but changed our minds and it's not happening.

@threesecrets sorry to hear you're struggling. It's a tough old road. Have you started looking into assisted fertility treatments at all?

Thanks @Rg1987 you too! Keep us posted x

@threesecrets Oh I know it's so awful isn't it. I just got my BFN after my FET last Thursday and I have been moaping around feeling sorry for myself. BUT onwards and upwards! I've made a list of things I am going to do to give myself the best chance next round and hopefully i'll get a few embies so I can freeze some of them if the fresh transfer doesnt work. Have you thought about getting any investigations done or getting any help?
I'm reading about ERA at the moment....I'm not sure if having two failed FETs is normal. That would be 3 embies that didnt stick. Going to ask my doc about it. Lots of love xx

I could have wrote these posts and reply’s. Really struggling at moment. Please if anyone else has decided to stop ivf too please message me. Could do with a friend that gets it xxx

@happiness2021 me too...going through the posts I even saw one I had written back in July last year where I said I was going to give it one single last go. And since then I have had another failed cycle and failed FET and am now on stims for a fresh retrieval. I just don’t seem to be able to find the piece within me to stop even though I know that would be the sensible thing to do. I completely agree with the lady on this thread who said being courageous would be finding the strength to stop. If anyone has any tips on how to draw the line, I’d love to hear them!

Thanks for this thread it has been really helpful to read others thoughts and feelings though of course sorry to everyone that's in this position.

I am going through this heartbreaking process/decision at the moment, I feel like I'm miserable all the time because I'm on the verge of grieving for the child that we'll never have.

DD is 2.5, we have been TTC #2 for 18 months with 2 miscarriages in that time. I'm only just 30 and the age gap is obviously not big at the moment so not long ago we were gearing up for fertility investigations feeling like time is on our side. I've since found out I'm suffering premature ovarian failure and IVF will not be likely to succeed (not that we could realistically afford it anyway). Whilst it 'could' happen in that never say never sort of way, I feel like I need to draw a line and assume we will not have #2 now, as my opk/TWW/tracking is all fairly futile.

Every month is a dramatic rollercoaster of emotions and it's all, I now know, for a very very slim possibility of something that would be against all odds. It's made me question everything - I 100% planned for at least 2 kids and the thought of DD as an only child makes my heart hurt because I long for a sibling for her. As does the thought of never having all the baby stuff again, I long for it. And thrown in with that I'm missing all of DDs toddler loveliness (feels like) because I'm so sad and miserable about TTC. So in many ways I feel like I'm missing out on 2 children, does that make sense?!

I was also staying in my job for another maternity leave but I actually want to do something different, so do I look into that now?

So many questions and I feel like I'm going through some weird grief process of the child we lost/haven't had. I haven't accepted the decision yet even though it's out of our hands. I'm currently horrendously bitter about anyone having a pregnancy/baby right now so it's a good job we can't really see anyone or go anywhere. I'm hoping that will pass.

Anyway, this thread has helped me not feel so alone.

4 years, 5 fresh ivf cycles, 6 failed transfers, one miscarriage. DC will be at least 7 if and when number 2 comes along. I started this journey when he was 2.

He asked for a brother today. It hurts. ALOT.

Just been reading through this thread, searching for some sympathetic ears and find some comfort as we’re still stuck on the ivf treadmill. It’s so hard isn’t it, you have to put your life on hold to allow for any scans/transfers you need to be around for. Others don’t realise this of course, my brother being one of those (who already has 2 kids, nice age gap, done) who can’t understand why I’m not going to see him when it’s a 10 hour journey and he how I shouldn’t let this consume me. He has no idea what secondary infertility is like. I’m 42, every month counts for us now with getting older and the age gap widening.

If it gives you hope I used to be @ivfgottostaypositive my last post last June was about going into our final transfer....well against all odds it worked and I had twins earlier this year.

@Jellyfish7 hello from the other thread 👋

@ivfgottwins that’s wonderful to hear, gives me hope, so pleased everything worked out for you.
@greendress789 hello, as you can see I’m back on here looking for some support and to know I’m not alone. Just started my period so here we go again, meanwhile I’m bombarded with photos of siblings happily playing together on holiday. Sometimes I don’t know where to turn. I hate feeling like this.

I'm sorry @Jellyfish7. I've just had another ivf bfn. My 7th in 5 years. Just don't know what to do anymore.

It's really tough. We conceived our first on our first month trying. 7 years later and not a peep of a bfp. Well I did have a miscarriage about 4 years ago. We never went ahead with IVF because it's too expensive. So in a way, that stopped us in our tracks anyway. Secondary infertility is so very painful. I do find it hard sometimes watching people have their second and third children. I just try and make the most of time with my child because I know it's the only time I'll ever do this. I'm just trying to give her the best childhood I can.

Hi Ladies,
Just came across this thread and thought will check in even though the original post is from last year as it resonates so much with me. Hope things worked out for you OP @Lmos
Reading through the various posts made me quiet emotional as I am currently going through another chemical pregnancy. We have been TTC #2 for over 2 years. DC will be 6 later this year. We had one missed miscarriage 1.5 years ago for which I had an ERPC and have had too many chemical pregnancies since...going through the latest one now. Tried progesterone suppositories this month and it clearly didn't work. Next option is IVF but we are weighing the pros and cons on whether to go through the emotional and physical challenge of the whole process or just draw a line and enjoy our time with DC...it's so hard and it doesn't help when almost everyday there's news of someone being pregnant for the nth time without even trying!

@ivfgottwins congratulations! It's so good to read about your positive outcome after going through so much. It definitely gives us hope.

@livealittlemore 'everyday there's news of someone being pregnant'... yeah like fucking Boris!!

Hi all, came across this & found comfort. We have a bog now aged 3 & just preparing for our 5th round of IVF. I’m 40 soon but not ready to give up even though I have low AMH and husband wants us to stop after this next cycle. I can’t bear to see families with their 2,3 kids. Dreading the next pregnancy announcement in my friend network and feel absolutely shit that i’ll be 40 soon as its such a dreaded place to get to when you’re TTC.

I never ever thought having the family I wanted would be so hard. Sending you all love.

And yeah..the Boris announcement made me swear a bit today!

Hi Kay

I meant to stop at 40 yet hear I am at 42 trying with donor eggs 😢

Hi @greendress789 I wish you well with it. I really don’t know what to do if the next IVF fails and realistically it probably will. Finding it impossible to move forward with my life. The last year and a bit has just been prep for IVF / have IVF / recover from failed IVF.

Its no way to live but what can you do. X

@KayReeves you’ve just summed up my life, living in limbo. It’s a nightmare I never saw coming and wish we’d tried a lot sooner after our dd arrived but she was prem (preeclampsia) and a terrible sleeper so I was absolutely shattered, had blood pressure issues and if I’m honest a bit scared in case preeclampsia struck again. Now I look back and see a huge mistake ☹️

@greendress789 i really hope it works out for you, it’s so hard when every month counts, I’m 42 myself and starting to feel very anxious about it all as I know time isn’t on our side.

Hi @Jellyfish7 that sense of wishing you did things differently can just eat you up can’t it? I hate feeling like that as I know I can’t change the past but it doesn’t stop you wishing that you could. x

Thanks @Jellyfish7 but I had another BFN yesterday from our donor egg IVF so just stunned at why this isn't working for us.

Why does Boris get to have 8, 9, 10 children yet my lovely husband is struggling to give me a second? It isn't fair.

Hi ladies
You all are echoing my thoughts... @Jellyfish7 @KayReeves, I too keep thinking that we should have probably started trying immediately after DS. But we had a very difficult pregnancy & the 1st year...so I couldn't even think about trying then and I naively thought that it will happen, might take time but will happen...never imagined that I will go through so many miscarriages 😞
I will be 40 later this year and that was my deadline to stop trying... in two minds about ivf...on one hand I do want to try everything before we draw a line but I am also scared that it will only bring more heartache. Don't know what to do and time is running out!

@greendress789 so sorry it's a BFN... can you check again after a couple of days?
Boris's news was what that made me really upset and angry yesterday. Feel like it's so easy for people who don't even really care!
Also, I don't understand the point of all these famous people speaking about having miscarriages, sharing their heartache when they are pregnant again and have a chance to get over the heartache. There are a few who has probably had difficult fertility journeys but seems like many of them are just trying to gain sympathy or stay in the news. When the truth is thousands of women go through this in silence, many, after years and years of trying/fertility treatments and many will probably not have their rainbow babies so will never get over it. While every miscarriage is painful, truth is famous people have options which many of us don't...so I can never relate to them nor can feel sad for them!