Oh @Bambionice I just read your post. I know you know this, and it sounds a bit platitudinous, but even if it wasn’t a chromosomal abnormality, then it is still not your ‘fault.’ The language used around this process is so horrible. Did you see Elizabeth Day speak about this, or read her in How To Fail? She kept being told she was ‘failing’ to respond to drugs, ‘failing’ to maintain a pregnancy and she got really ill and depressed until one day someone said ‘what if the drugs are failing you?’
There is a pinned link on top of her Twitter where she talks about this. She also writes about people who say ‘as a mother,’ ‘as a parent.’ She explains why the childless experience (if sadly that is what happens) is equally rich, and valid, if painful as hell – ‘as someone who has been through this hell….’
Saying all that, it may well work for you next time, and if it does that is bloody wonderful and you will have a fantastic baby. If it doesn’t it means the treatment has failed, not you. I hope the counsellor goes well and you get your answer from the clinic soon.
Weirdly, when I had counselling about infertility and other issues, my counsellor told me to stay away from Mumsnet, but this thread has been helpful. I think the TTC forum messes with my head a lot more than the infertility one. So many buses, and 14 day countdowns. I got on the June Bus this month, then felt like a haggard idiot surrounded by all these optimistic first timers who will probably get their positives right away, so I quietly slipped off. Still not checked back, though I am ‘following’ it. I feel bad as I was @'d a few times, probably with lovely welcomes from folk. They just seem like such sweet summer children.
@Daisz – Oh God, so much self blame. I might do the same, but can you not think that it wasn’t your fault, that although it’s good to be calm, can you not think that an embryo should be able to stand up to one screaming row? So hard to reframe it, I know. Horrible horrible how much people blame themselves, when some women just conceive and sail blithely through pregnancy drinking as much caffeine as they like and women like you and I are forced to police our every move. It’s like we’re walking on eggshells round a super sensitive little embryo, coaxing it to stay all the time.
I do however love the idea of a small glass of red wine as a relaxant for the womb. I’m in my 2ww trying the normal way, however this is the eighteenth so am not holding out much hope, but drinking 175ml red a night this week anyway.
What does 21 day protocol mean?
@RonRon1 ah dammnit, that’s rubbish. For the forseeable might only mean a month right (though that must feel like forever in IVF years.) Glad they were lovely on the phone though. That makes all the difference. We have one receptionist at my GP who is super lovely, all ‘hold on a minute love,’ and another who seems to think that anything infertility related is a waste of time (she hasn’t said that but I feel I can hear it in her voice.) It’s so lovely to get the nice one.
As Bambi says, it’s hugely unfair and you are entitled to be as angry as you like at the situation.
@Bambionice I’m doing OK, but didn’t call for sperm analysis, because it feels weirdly unlucky to do it in two week wait, which we are in now. I always want DP to get it as soon as I know I’m not pregnant, and then we ‘try’ lots in the run up to ovulation and I think ‘maybe this month, maybe….’
I know it’s mad, and by holding out hope I am in for a disappointment on June sixth (period day) but I can’t help it. If period arrives, as expected, then I will call first thing on Monday 8th, and hope against hope I get the lovely receptionist rather than the ‘I’ll have to see if the GP is free to discuss non essential things at the moment,’ woman.