Anyone here sick of the comments and posts how easy it is for childless / childfree?

[EL8888]

Anyone else sick of the post on Mumsnet and on Facebook etc about how “easy” people with no children must be finding the lockdown and how hard it is for those with children etc? How people with no children must have lots of spare fun time to spend on themselves, plus it’s so easy for them to work at home. Well, none of it’s that easy actually. When fertility treatment is on hold and time is going by all the time (especially unhelpful when you’re in your 40’s). Never mind the key workers, people with ill family and friends etc

One person even posted about how angry she was, they have it so easy

Can no one accept all of this is tough for everyone?! Rather than claiming others have an easy ride

It was thoughtless because you are somehow making out that everyone’s circumstances are equal and thus no one person can complain.

In fact, long running support threads often see MN at its finest, for example threads about troubled teens, elderly parents, struggling with addiction or sorting debt.

Just think for a moment - wouldn’t it be unbelievably thoughtless and self centred of me to rock up on say a troubled teens thread and bossily declare WELL, IT’S SHIT FOR MOTHERS OF TODDLERS, TOO. And then to ‘What!? What!?’ when told to shut up.

That’s what you have just done.

@stophuggingme you've totally missed the point. Some of your points are valid. However people jumping on this thread saying they can 'say a ton of shit stuff about having kids' it's neither relevant to the OP or welcomed on an infertility thread...

i don’t need primary and secondary infertility explaining to me. It’s that feeling the need to explain from either “side” that mutates and degenerates with emotive threads as this one has done. It shouldn’t be the case.

And i don’t agree with you that nobody wants parents banned from these specific infertility discussion threads. I think a significant percentage of affected posters would prefer it that parents didn’t post.

And that’s what I was responding to

And i don’t agree with you that nobody wants parents banned from these specific infertility discussion threads. I think a significant percentage of affected posters would prefer it that parents didn’t post.

Think what you like, my dear.

@wherethecloudsaregoing

No I am not making out that everyone’s circumstances are equal. You have chosen or been unable to avoid putting that slant on my comment for whatever reasons you have.

You are entitled to those reasons but that doesn’t make their veracity watertight: it just gives you what you are looking for which is to assert that I am somehow seeking to homogenise or minimise infertility by dint of upwelling the misery or joy of parenthood. I am most certainly not.

Your feelings and your views are entirely legitimate.
So are mine and they are that I often read threads where affliction or endurance or tragedy is a recurrent theme and that ones individual experiences make us intolerant or unreceptive to the polarised standpoint.

We are all at risk of this but that doesn’t mean it is our ok ace to stamp that which annoys or upsets us out.

Apologies for the typos.

@BrooHaHa
I do and I will

I’m stunned at the insensitivity of some people on here. They can’t bear it if not everything is about them and their experiences.
I am sorry you’ve had that on your thread.
You deserve a space to say what you think and feel.

YADNBU. I'm at home with a toddler and a three week old and after recurrent miscarriage I feel fucking blessed to in the predicament I've found myself in. It's quite tough physically for me to isolate with two little people, but I can only imagine it's nothing compared to being alone with your thoughts when you are childless not through choice. The mental torment through my miscarriages was by far the hardest thing I've had to endure.

You be kind to yourself OP xx

Hi OP I'm childless not by choice, can't believe some of these awful replies to women who are struggling to get pregnant.
It's like as if someone had posted 'cheer up' to a suicidal poster on the Mental Health topic... I mean wtf.

My sister was trying to get me to feel sorry for her various friends in lockdown with their kids but I have to say, they chose to have those kids, they should stop moaning, be grateful that they have them & parent them!
That goes for everyone whose a parent. Sorry.

My sister was trying to get me to feel sorry for her various friends in lockdown with their kids but I have to say, they chose to have those kids, they should stop moaning, be grateful that they have them & parent them!
That goes for everyone whose a parent. Sorry.

^^ parenting is hard. You can moan and still be grateful. I'm ignorant to infertility yet wouldn't tell people to stop moaning. Practice what you preach.

My sister was trying to get me to feel sorry for her various friends in lockdown with their kids but I have to say, they chose to have those kids, they should stop moaning

It's absolutely ridiculous to suggest that parents can't ever moan because some people are infertile. People choose to get married...doesn't mean they don't have tough times .

Yeah, it's really shit for everyone! But it's more shit for those with kids. I would love to be doing this without kids, but I have two and it's killing me! My friends without kids are having a lovely time!

FFS. What the hell. This comment is breathtakingly insensitive. It is not more shit for those with kids. I’d say it’s more shit for those without children, but who desperately want them. But it’s not a fucking competition as the OP quite rightly said.

@DisneyPlus I would also be stunned at the insensitivity on here, but have been around here long enough to have seen these sort of insensitive posts time and again.

What a shitshow this turned out to be.

@purpledaisies, yes, I understood you, hence my saying "point taken." I'll look at your other thread about stopping these coming up in Active.

@BrooHaHa yup.

Loving all the fertile splaining on this thread for infertile women.

FFS - this is on the INFERTILITY forum and this poster, despite knowing this, some are posting soMe of the shittiest and most insensitive threads on Mumsnet I’ve seen for a while

I desperately want my nephew here with me. He was with me the first week and it was wonderful.

Anyone who says it's harder with kids can get to fuck.

Anyone who says it's harder with kids can get to fuck.

Why can't everyone just support eachother?

Because

You

Are

On

The

Infertility

Board

YANBU But it's hard not to compare when you have so much time on your hand imo.

I would be much better off mentally if we were just a couple right now, initially I absolutely struggled to look after my dd whilst wfh and had pressure to perform because I may lose my job and have now been furloughed and now I am simply feeling absolute guilt at how unhappy she's becoming about being the only dc around as we live far from anything so don't see anyone, she is telling me how unhappy she is feeling isolated from all other dc.

I am actually pleased that some people can finally see how difficult it is to raise dc for some. I find it incredibly difficult and have had what little support I did have taken form me overnight. I think this may be why some people are expressing how hard it is compared to if one doesn't have dc. Because actually a lot of the time parents are written off as having no extra burden by having dc. I've lost a lot to being a parent. No one cares and no one realises how much you can lose by even having one dc and no support. I've lost several jobs after dd got sick and I had to take time to care for her and will probably lose this one soon so I will probably express that my time as a parent in general and now is much worse than if I wasn't a parent. And I think that's ok for me to say.

However I also have a single friend who is very sad being on her own and I would be desperately lonely if I was living alone so I feel tbh there's always someone worse off and best we shield ourselves from anything upsetting us right now. I actually think it's ok to say it's very difficult to do lockdown if you have dc.

I think what we can all take from this experience is being on lockdown is very difficult for everyone

My brother and sister are both married and in their late 30s. They have said how much easier it is to be stuck home without children. They only have to think about themselves. They also get bored easier and the days drag.
I do not work so I only have to think about the kids whilst they are having to work from home or still go on visits.

Saying you should not moan about having children is like saying you can't complain about your job because you chose to work there.