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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Anyone doing ivf at 40+

996 replies

lucieloos · 21/12/2019 22:52

We're considering doing a couple more rounds of ivf at 40.5 years old. We have 2 children already but still feel someone is missing.

Is anyone else starting or already having treatment at 40+ and would like to share the journey?

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12
Anxiousbuthopeful · 10/08/2021 18:49

Oh no @Unicorn9 I am so so sorry that happened to you. You are in my thoughts. Will you do another round, do you think?

Unicorn9 · 10/08/2021 19:45

I dont think we can afford it anymore but thiught the consultant we had would at least have the courtesy to discuss the options with us. Im ot sure that ivf will ever work though because they didn’t even implant. Maybe a different clinic but i am not hopeful anymore…

IslandStars · 10/08/2021 20:01

@Unicorn9 That’s devastating, am so sorry none have even implanted. They give around 60% chance for each euploid and 95% chance over 3 consecutive transfers. I know that means someone has to fall in the unlucky 5%, but you’ve done all tests possible, which I would have thought would solve any outstanding issues.

I just had a quick read over old posts and saw that you have had miscarriages from natural pregnancies, so it’s really unusual that IVF transfers did not implant. Definitely book a review with your clinic. Even if you don’t do another round, they should be discussing the outcome of this transfer with you. After I got the call with my negative beta result, I was told to book a review when I’m ready to discuss and they also reminded me that counselling is available if I need it.

IslandStars · 10/08/2021 20:06

@lucymills1234 Good luck for tomorrow. It’s really hard doing IVF now everything is mostly back to normal. Am actually really grateful I did my 3 rounds of banking and first transfer during lockdowns, it made life so much easier when everyone had plans on hold and I didn’t have to face people in the office.

lucymills1234 · 11/08/2021 09:13

Hi @IslandStars thank you - I'll be off to the clinic later. The usual nerves this morning, not around the procedure at all but the fluttering 'what ifs' and hope...

@Unicorn9 thank you. Yes, the positive of a chemical is that it proved implantation is possible. Now it's back to the usual needle in a haystack issue of finding an embryo that is viable...

I'm so sorry to hear that none of your tested embryos implanted, that must be incredibly hard. Did you transfer them individually? Did the consultant suggest any other tests or medications between transfers/after negative results?

I would definitely book in a follow-up conversation. I don't think you can rely on your clinic contacting you proactively to set that up. Often the transfer treatment package includes a follow-up consultation in the event of a BFN (or viability scan if BFP) but even if you have to pay I'd say it would be worth it to get some input, if not answers.

Anxiousbuthopeful · 11/08/2021 09:31

Dear @lucymills1234 - very best of luck for your FET today!

Unicorn9 · 11/08/2021 16:40

@lucymills1234 I did transfer them individually. The first I just had standard progesterone, clexane and oestrogen.
Then I had two biopsies at Coventry for nkc and the first came back high so I used pred and intralipids for the second one along with sitagliptin which is a trial drug used at Coventry.
Then before the third I did a vaginal microbiome test which showed I had too much gardenella so I took antibiotics for that and canesten vaginal probiotics and then did the transfer with pred, progesterone, clexane and oestrogen.

Then I haven’t spoken to the consultant since as he seems to have written me off now the last transfer failed. I guess I hoped and thought he would still give me some indication of what to do next… but he hasn’t.

Unicorn9 · 11/08/2021 16:41

@lucymills1234 how did you fet go today? Hopefully it sticks for u…

IslandStars · 11/08/2021 18:18

@Unicorn9 Just in case you haven’t seen it, there’s a thread ‘ERA testing after multiple implantation failures. Anyone had it done?’ which contains some useful info on complicated cases. I think you’ve probably had most of the tests which the ladies on there are doing (they don’t just talk about ERA), but it might be worth posting your experience on there, as they seem to have good contacts in terms of specialists in the UK. This is all dependent on whether you can mentally & financially afford to do another round of course.

@lucymills1234 Hope you’re back at home and well.

Unicorn9 · 11/08/2021 20:35

@IslandStars thank you I will have a look. I have done so many tests…. Nkc biopsy, all the standard tests for rmc, clotting profile at st marys, ERA, vaginal microbiome, you name it… maybe just good old sex will do it and a dose of antibiotics!

lucymills1234 · 12/08/2021 08:48

Hi @Unicorn9 you've really tried so much, you must be at the end of your tether. All I can say about not hearing from your consultant is don't let that be the end of it - call in and ask for an appointment. If I didn't contact my clinic I don't think I would hear from them, either. When you're paying you expect a level of attention but in my experience you still have to be the one driving everything forward. Even if you have a great consultant, no one is going to care more about the outcome of your treatment than you so though you shouldn't have to push, I personally feel you have to be your own advocate.

I really didn't have a good day yesterday. I did have an embryo transferred, a 4AB, so there is some hope, I guess, but I walked out of the clinic feeling really disappointed and deflated which is never a good start.

When I went into the room for transfer, the embryologist came and told me that the first embryo they thawed (a 5BB) didn't survive. My clinic has a 98% success rate with thawing so it's rotten luck that I fell in the 2%. It was a blow, but I knew it could happen. But it got worse... I only got two blasts from my first round last year, a 5AA I transferred fresh and one that was frozen. They told me yesterday that the second should never have been frozen. It's what's called triploid, when two sperm get to the egg at the same time. That makes it totally non-viable (it will have two sets of chromosomes). It was their mistake, as they missed it, and froze the blast.

So I went in thinking I had four blasts, one to be transferred yesterday and three remaining. After a five minute conversation that halved to two in total. The thaw issue was a shock though you know it can happen, but at this point you really don't expect to hear that one of your blasts is not viable. You go through so much from the no of eggs collected to fertilised to day 5 that once you get blasts, you think that every one is a real chance.

I also paid to have that blast frozen last year (it was the only one as I said) for nothing. But more than that it's the mental distress and also, all further treatment was based on the 'fact' I got two blasts. As it happens, I actually got more on my second round, but perhaps only getting one should or would have changed the advice of what I did next.

I know mistakes happen, and they admit it's their mistake, but it's crap and has really knocked my confidence. Because not only was it missed when it was frozen, I've since had several FETs when they've reviewed all blasts to chose the best and it's been missed on those reviews too.

There's a 4AB on board and I should be focusing on that but instead I feel really down about the fact that I now only have this plus one more (my lowest grade) left, before I have to make a difficult decision about whether to go again, when I thought that was three more transfers away.

I then got a massive headache last night, so all in all it's not the best start to the 2WW! It feels like the pressure is really on now, which is never helpful.

Sorry for the ramble, hope you are faring ok with your wait @Anxiousbuthopeful

Anxiousbuthopeful · 12/08/2021 09:00

I am so sorry @lucymills1234, how crap and how upsetting. This whole process is hideous and knocks your trust and confidence and it doesn’t help if the doctors make mistakes. Having said that, hurrah for your little one aboard! The twists and turns of this process are such that it may well be the round when everything looks terrible that ends up working out… Meanwhile I am on hols and trying not to let the TWW destroy them. Testing I think Saturday (before my clinic’s OTD but two weeks after collection). Bit panicked because I had sore boobs and now I don’t but, again, symptom-spotting is such a mug’s game…

IslandStars · 12/08/2021 11:36

@lucymills1234 How distressing, sorry you had such an awful day. I know clinic has admitted their mistake, but I think you should ask for some compensation because you’ve paid for an embryo to be frozen which wasn’t viable, as far as I understand it. As you say, the implications of you believing you has more embryos than the reality is not fair, as you’ve made decisions and paid for them financially as a result of their error, on top of the emotional distress which if carded yesterday on eggs is already a huge day.

Embryos not surviving the thaw is my worst nightmare now I only have one left. Your 4AB is still a really good grade and sadly the one that didn’t survive was almost certain to not implant.

I had a huge headache after my transfer, I’m not sure if it was a surge in progesterone, but I’m not surprised you had one yesterday with all that stress. I hope this next fortnight makes it all worthwhile.

@Anxiousbuthopeful Enjoy your holiday and best of luck for Saturday, it should be a reliable time to test hopefully.

IslandStars · 12/08/2021 11:40

Sorry, a few weird auto corrects! Should have read *emotional distress which ‘it caused’ yesterday on what is already a huge day.

lucymills1234 · 12/08/2021 11:44

Ah @Anxiousbuthopeful how nice to be on holiday! I hope you are able to somewhat enjoy the change of scene although I know how hard it is to get out of your own head during the 2WW. It reminds me of that expression 'wherever you go, there you are'. Whatever distractions you try, your brain will always circle back.

Also easier sad than done not to symptom spot, it's so automatic. But as you know yourself, symptoms (or lack of) are near impossible to accurately judge anyway. It's not really sunk in for me that I do have an embryo on board, so far my head is more on yesterday's news than the actual transfer. Not sure whether that's a good or bad thing, I am not obsessing but am not exactly relaxed either. Lots of time for that to change in the next few weeks...!

lucymills1234 · 12/08/2021 11:57

Thanks @IslandStars - there would never have been a good time for the news, but 5 minutes before transfer is definitely not ideal. Add into that the concern I'd already had about whether my lining was 'optimal' and it's a head spin.

I did point out that the vitrification of the Dec blast should be refunded, they said they'd organise it.

I hope your embryo thaws ok, I know you have a lot riding on it. I think everyone doing IVF hopes they won't have to do it again. But I find that being this age means you know that however much you are prepared to put yourself through mentally or financially, you are fighting the clock. That's the scary bit.

IslandStars · 12/08/2021 12:06

@lucymills1234 I'm glad they're refunding the freezing at least. I know most clinics need pushing when it comes to the financial/admin side, which is a pain as we really just want to focus on the medical process.

You're right, as we're older, it's just an added stress in itself as a race against time. At least your embryo is back in it's rightful place now. Sometimes these things do happen for a reason, so just have to hope this embryo was the one destined to be successful.

Unicorn9 · 12/08/2021 15:54

@IslandStars I’m sorry you had such a horrible day on transfer. I think it’s going to work… you know all the stories where people have horrendous transfers and they doubt the embryo and that’s the one that works… well maybe that will be you… I hope so.

Unicorn9 · 12/08/2021 15:56

Sorry was meant to read @lucymills1234.

My consultants clinic is just him and the patient liaison officer. There isn’t really anyone. I don’t want to complain as much as I want to point out the drop in service that we got for the last transfer when that’s when he really had to step it up…

lucymills1234 · 12/08/2021 16:34

@Unicorn9 thanks, let's hope you're right!

As for your appointment, I don't think it's a case of complaining necessarily, just contacting them to say that you'd like to schedule a follow up to your most recent unsuccessful transfer. That's total standard practice and they shouldn't bat an eyelid at the request. Anyone in your shoes would want to speak to a consultant to understand the clinical feedback on what happened!

Anxiousbuthopeful · 13/08/2021 08:34

Hello everyone. I went for an early beta test this morning (8DP5DT) as labs closed tomorrow and Sunday and I am traveling on Monday without DP. Should in any case be indicative of what’s happening. Have zero symptoms and little hope, hating the wait for the result though….

lucymills1234 · 13/08/2021 09:09

Oooh, fingers crossed @Anxiousbuthopeful !! Let us know when you hear. Definitely better to be testing early with a beta rather than an at-home test. As I'm sure you've seen on here, it's really hard to tell the result from symptoms or lack of, but will be hoping it's good news for you.

IslandStars · 13/08/2021 09:24

@Anxiousbuthopeful So hope this works for you! My clinic betas at 9 days, but i'm sure by 8 you will get a good enough reading if implantation had occurred, even if they ask you to come back in a couple of days to check it's building. Good luck!

Anxiousbuthopeful · 13/08/2021 12:38

Hello everyone. The beta is unexpectedly positive. Long, long journey now but obviously good news. Second set of Betas on Monday. Will keep you posted.

IslandStars · 13/08/2021 19:17

@Anxiousbuthopeful oh wow, fantastic!!! Am so happy, what a massive hurdle crossed. Hopefully everything keeps rising, you deserve this Smile