Just want to vent... come join me for a moan if you like!

[squirrelnutkins1]

We've been ttc to 2 years, with a laparoscopy, HSG, miscarriage, failed Letrazole trial along the way and now just waiting for clinic appt tomorrow to see what the next steps are.

I'm feeling like I'm never going to have our baby in our arms.

My chest aches with the pain of miscarriage and my 'due' date is fast approaching. Goodness knows how that's going to be. To add insult to injury my due date was our wedding anniversary - which when I was pregnant I thought was the most amazing thing ever, but now it just feels cruel.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all of this. I guess I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself!

I’m with you @squirrelnutkins1. We chat a lot on the other thread aswell but sometimes it’s just not fair.
We are so strong 💪

@GreyC I didn't want to bring everyone down by moaning so thought I'd have a moan elsewhere 🤣 we are def strong, so so strong 💪🏻 but sometimes it just feels such a heavy weight to bear.
We used to say one day it'll happen, definitely, but now neither of us are actually sure it will... ☹️

I know what you mean! It’s such a heavy weight that actually no one gets unless they are going through it/went through it.

It’s hard to be positive all the time. Are you now on to your next step?

That’s so cruel. We’ve been through a lot as well and it’s very very hard not to let everything get you down. I sometimes feel so bitter about how hard it’s been ans so easy for others!

I really hope your rainbow is coming soon!

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
I'm there with you it's so so tough and so cruel. I am one big misery and I have this undying ache in my heart to have a baby.

Stay strong 💪🏽 we can do this!!!

@GreyC That's so true. It's the most natural thing in the world to have a child and the most unnatural to struggle through infertility ☹️
I'm back at the clinic tomorrow. I imagine we'll be onto IUI next.

How are you feeling with your treatment??

@Piper51 yes the bitterness does creep in at times, especially when people have 'accidents' urgh!! So hard to keep upbeat and not let it consume your life.
Thank you!
So sorry you've been thru a lot too 💔 feel free to vent in this safe space!!

@Maximoo06 the ache is so awful isn't it. I feel that hole in my heart so much tonight ☹️
You're right, we can do it and we will get thru it one way or another 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

I recently had my due date, the day was ok, it was mostly in my mind but I got through it. I hoped that would be a sort of end to that but now I'm seeing newborns and thinking that should be me holding a baby now. Feels like it will never go away. So sorry you're going through this too, it's so unfair.

I started a similar thread yesterday titled "Is there hope" it was probably abit long winded to be honest hence why I've had no replies, but I feel your pain! We had a miscarriage in March and my due date would have been December, on Sunday I was just crying into my partners chest because I'm sick of feeling like there is no way out and like we will never have what we've been trying for! The only positive I can take from it is that IVF actually worked, my nana died the day we started IVF too so I ended up doing all my injections wrong! It's been a long road for us so I completely get you! And in a weird way it's refreshing to see that there is people out there that feel the same! I wish I could help every person that feels the way we do. There are so many things I could rant about on this topic!! If anyone wants a ranting session please don't hesitate to ask me as I'll be more than happy to help with the rant!!! x

Sending you all lots of hugs & luck 🤗

@LillyLeaf I'm so sorry you've been through this. It really sucks beyond belief. Well done for getting through your due date. I'd not really thought beyond my due date. How long have you been ttc? Think I've seen your name on other threads. Lots of baby dust to you! Xx

@Maximoo06 thanks hun xx

@Dot457 I'm so sorry you've been through this ☹️ will you be starting another round of IVF any time soon? Sorry about your nana too 💔 this forum def helps and it's so nice to be able to vent to people who truly understand.
I didn't see your thread sorry xx

I'm sat waiting in clinic. It's just a room full of sadness, hate it ☹️

@squirrelnutkins1 Thank you! We are hoping to start IVF again soon, we are waiting to see if we get additional funding, as we are very hesitant about going private, what are your thoughts on that? My other thread was about peoples opinion on going private or NHS? Dreading paying all that money if we didn't get the outcome or care we hoped for! xx

Hi squirrel, I hear you, this is a horrendous situation. Every now and then we all need a rant xxxxxx

@DawnK77 too right! Feel free to join in if you ever need to!

@Dot457 we'd get one free round of Ivf then we'd have to think long and hard what to do next. It's a really tough call. I've only ever been to a private dentist, no experience of any other private treatment!! Have you got anywhere local?

Hi squirrel, does your round mean one fresh and some frozen?

I'm in thoughtful stage at moment, not sure what I want to do next. Rant stage might be back tomorrow lol! Xxx

Yes i've been knocking around for while now on other threads. I've seen your name too. There seems to be a fair few people that have been around for a while. It all started so well with our first cycle resulting in a bfp but it went downhill from there with 2 MCs and our remaining 3 embryos pgs tested abnormal. I'm waiting for pgs results from our 2nd round of 6 embryos. We seen to get a decent number of day 5/6 embryos. I go between thinking surely there'll be at least 1 normal one but also preparing for all abnormal again. Never thought I would be in this position.

@DawnK77 I'm not 100% sure. I decided to try more Letrazole as I can't face the ivf decision just yet 

@LillyLeaf that all sound super stressful how long do you have to wait for your results? I hope you get them soon so things can move forward for you.

It's such a shame there are so many of us still on these threads ☹️ feeling really crap about it all today. It's hard to keep positive and plodding along x

@squirrelnutkins1 we should get the results in a week and a day or so. Dreading that phone call. I have fantasies that the Dr calls and says they are all normal! It's so hard. We have one full cycle left as part of the package so we'll do that next (if no normals) but I'm so scared of anyone mentioning donor eggs, I have no idea how to process that, I don't even want to think about that yet (or ever).

@Dot457 I can recommend going private, it's so much easier than NHS. We used access fertility refund package to pay, which makes it easier and cheaper if you need multiple cycles. Sorry about the MC I still have days where it kills me. I'll have my second due in January. I was pregnant last Christmas and I'm putting so much pressure on myself to be pregnant this Christmas, what does it even matter, it's totally out of my hands but I know I'll feel really shitty it I'm not. Loving this ranting.

Hi Squirrel. I've not heard of that one, i had clomid, was allergic and then onto IVF.

Lillyleaf, I didn't know embryos could be tested, is this something you've paid for (if you don't mind me asking) I'm NHS at the moment

@squirrelnutkins1 I'm from Leeds but we live in Wakefield so we were referred to Leeds Fertility Clinic on the NHS, can't knock them at all but haven't been anywhere else to compare it to, and the price to pay to go private at Leeds Fertility is mental compared to private ones that we've looked at in Manchester for example. Most private places that we've looked at are cheaper which baffled me slightly, which is why we think there might be some sort of catch!

@LillyLeaf Thank you for your recommendation. We asked one of our consultants about access fertility, and they said that basically they will only take us on if we have a high chance of conceiving and she said because we wont fit into that criteria they wont take us on, so we didn't actually look into it but your not the first person to say this so I think i'll have a look into them! It's easier said than done because Ive been there but we have to try and put our minds on something else while we "wait" but I know that is literally impossible!! Sorry if you have already said but where are you up to now in your IVF cycle? Hope you dont mind me asking, assuming this isn't the first time you have been through this? I'm keeping everything crossed for you! xx

I haven't been following this thread but I would love to vent! I had a FET cancelled today. No more embryos left. Hubby doesn't want to try IVF again until we've done 3 cycles of IUI and clinic doesn't have availability for follow-up consultation until end of next month. This equates to months of waiting. Tick tock. Sorry for everyone with difficulty getting pregnant because it sucks royally x

@DawnK77 it's called pgs or pgs. We're doing pgs as we've had 2 mc that might have had chromosomal issues. So to try avoid another MC we're testing the embryos, it's private . Although you can do pgd with the NHS if you are trying to avoid passing on a faulty gene/chromosome and they will test for that specific gene/chromosome. It's pretty standard in America to do pgs with all IVF and icsi cycles.

@Dot457 there's no harm in applying to access fertility, I don't see how your consultant knows this. I did a 2nd egg retrieval 2 weeks ago, I got 8 eggs, 6 fertilized, 5x5day blasts and 1x6 day blasts, they all biopsied and we'll get the results in about a week. Hopefully we'll do a FET next if any or normal.

@ChatWithMe so sorry about your cancelled cycle, that's awful. I'm sure you know iui has very low success chances. Has your clinic ever found a reason for you not getting pregnant? If your DH has amazing SA them maybe give iui a go?

called psg or pgd

Hi LillyLeaf thanks for your sympathy. Sounds like you have some good plans and things to look forward to! :-) No we have unexplained infertility. However some of my hubby's sperm has had low motility and normal forms. He knows the stats but wants to try other avenues just to have tried all possible routes. Gosh I can't wait for 2020. For me, 2019 feels like a done deal!

@ChatWithMe 2019 has been the worst year ever, I'm so over it. Bring on 2020, it has a better ring to it.