Just want to vent... come join me for a moan if you like!

[squirrelnutkins1]

We've been ttc to 2 years, with a laparoscopy, HSG, miscarriage, failed Letrazole trial along the way and now just waiting for clinic appt tomorrow to see what the next steps are.

I'm feeling like I'm never going to have our baby in our arms.

My chest aches with the pain of miscarriage and my 'due' date is fast approaching. Goodness knows how that's going to be. To add insult to injury my due date was our wedding anniversary - which when I was pregnant I thought was the most amazing thing ever, but now it just feels cruel.

I'm not sure why I'm writing all of this. I guess I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself!

Thanks for the info Lilly!

Chatwithme, sorry to hear about your cancelled cycle! My fresh one was stopped after EC, proper absolute rotter or a situation.

I'm with you there Lilly, 2019 has been very very trying!

missed miscarriage in June and now my friend in work has just told me she's pregnant. While I'm happy for her, she's the first person close to be to tell me she's pregnant since my miscarriage and a part of me is gutted all over again.

Thanks DawnK77 - sorry for both of your hardships (sillysmiles) x

Hugs to you sillysmiles! I get so nervous of pregnancy announcements then I feel terrible for the jealousy. A friend I haven't seen in a while has texted asking when I'm free.... Obviously paranoia kicks in she has something to announce. I like the announcements to come via text so I can deal on my own head first. Then I feel terrible for thinking that.

@LillyLeaf I bet the week long wait feels like forever ☹️ hope it goes by fast and you get good results. Urgh yeah, donor eggs would be a whole other mess with your head situation wouldn't it  I wish at least something about infertility was taught at school. You don't really fully get it until you're in the situation and generally it's a shock. I mean when I was a kid my mum had a friend who would take me out places sometimes and really made a big fuss of me and I was told she couldn't have her own kids but that's all I knew and had no real clue about the emotional impact let alone everything else. Now I think of her soooo often. Like how did she cope thru it all. So sad.

@Dot457 there's just sooo much to think about and consider 🤯🤯🤯

@ChatWithMe feel free to rant away! So sorry about your cancelled FET. that must've been so gutting☹️ I'm with you on saying goodbye to 2019, it's been truly the worst year of my life.

@sillysmiles oh wow that must be super hard for you ☹️ I'm terrified of this at my work, a colleague joined less than a year ago who is newly married and mid 20s, I'm just waiting for the announcement and it's going to totally knock me for six. I sit next to her as well 💔 I'd be happy for her but sad for me ☹️

@DawnK77 yes for sure, pregnancy announcements need to be by text!!!!

I know it's a silly thing but I got really choked up in Morrisons yesterday. They have a gorgeous clothing range for kids called nutmeg and we've always imagined ourselves with a girl and seeing all the cute lil girlie outfits just really made me sad ☹️

Thanks for your positive messages to the group squirrelnutkins1 I think we have to take control of the things in our lives we can and relinquish it when we can't. Distraction is helpful for me. I'm taking control by writing off the next several months and spending them doing nice things (unrelated to baby making) that make me smile - weekend in France, practicing piano, reading science stuff, making plans with friends, getting outdoors to green spaces for fresh air and sunshine when I can. Good luck finding activities that make you smile. Life should me more than just waiting for life to happen! Hugs x

@ChatWithMe That's very true! I was thinking last night that I constantly feel like I'm waiting. It's a good idea to have almost like a pre children bucket list! Yours sounds very good and interesting! We need a break so would like to get one booked. We're going out for a drink later to catch up as we've not had much chance this week so will suggest making a bit of a list of things non baby related to do xx

Sounds perfect :-)

Good ideas there chatwithme, we try to have things we will do in future if no child, some are quite ridiculous lol.
Enjoy your night squirrel xxx

Haha DawnK77 the more ridiculous the better x

I fancy a moan :) I just hate having to act all positive and hide your emotions away. I just had a miscarriage with my first round of IVF and I can't believe this whole new level of pain. I feel like at least some of you guys get it which is nice.

@Buffy101 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I also miscarried my first and second IVF pregnancies, it's just awful, so cruel to go through all that for nothing. We can't 'just try again'. Look after yourself.

Sorry to hear that you two. Sending my love hope people's weekends weren't too bad, I drank to much, ate to much and embarrassed myself on the karaoke and banned all questions from family about THE situation as it's named (?!)

@Buffy101 I'm so sorry 💔 please give yourself time to grieve.

@DawnK77 Glad you could let your hair down a bit 😊👍🏻

@Buffy101 so sorry to hear this. It sucks, it hurts, it’s a grieving process so I hope you can give yourself time to look after yourself.

@DawnK77 glad you had a let your hair down weekend, I’m sure you needed and deserved it!

@squirrelnutkins1 Good idea for a thread!
We all need to moan in this tough process.

I’ve probably missed out lots of other people so sorry for that.

I need to join the moan, I’ve just had a chemical pregnancy from my 2nd cycle (confirmed at my 6 week scan this morning) and it hurts like hell. We’d never seen a positive test in over 4 years so it’s a step forward, I’m trying to cling to that, but oh man it hurts today.

Hi Brambles I remember you from another thread, I'm so so sorry it hear this. Rant away. Sending you loads of love xxxxxxxx

@Brambles7 💔💔💔 so so so sorry ☹️☹️☹️ it's ok to hurt and grieve 💔

I think it's the kind of thread people can dip in and out of as and when needed. Just helps to get it off your chest some times.

Thank you @DawnK77 and @squirrelnutkins1. Really appreciate your replies especially tonight.
This forum has been my sanity through the ivf process, it’s being able to talk on threads with people who understand what it’s like just helps it hurt less. Otherwise it’s just so lonely.

We're all here if you need us @Brambles7 xxx

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it happen for us all of us on here.
Thank goodness for the internet these days, although actually it’s bad when it comes to googling things! I’ve done a lot of that in the last week.

@squirrelnutkins1 did you start to make a pre baby bucket list in the end?

Please count me in this ivf moan club...had a fresh cycle early this year which was cancelled due to OHSS. Straight after OHSS settled, FET was started which ended in failed pregnancy result last week. I got my periods 2 days after bfn and was hoping to start FET again i.e. start buselrin injection on day 21 but nurse at my clinic have told me that next cycle cannot be started till i bleed again in October as its the lining which is wearing off and this month bleed doesn't count.

I dont get this as i was moved to FET straight from my fresh cycle post one bleed..has anyone faced this or i reckon my clinic is acting weird. I find this really inconsistent and my clinic didnt bother explaining as its all just a job for them.. no emotions involved ☹️

@Brambles7 no we were too tired but it was nice just being together after a week not seeing each other much. How are you?

@yug1502 sorry you're going thru this and are feeling frustrated ☹️

Well AF arrived today. I let myself have a little cry earlier. I feel really rubbish and ugly. Does anyone else get that, when you feel rubbish about one thing it snowballs into feeling rubbish about everything? X

Hiya Yug, same here fresh cancelled due to OHSS, FET failed, however I've not got my app till next Friday to discuss the next plan. I don't even know what I want then to say. I'm just feeling mentally okay again for the first time since May, so I don't know if they make you bleed again or not. I hope not, I don't have periods unless forced!

Aw squirrel I'm sorry your feeling like that. I do the same thing, really best myself up over any little thing. We shouldn't do it really! What nice plans do you have over the next few days? Xxx

@DawnK77 had a review appointment and clinic asked me to wait till few cycles to allow my body to cool down.. i somewhere also feel that i should give myself a break.. have been on ivf drug since april this year.

Hope your review appointment goes ok and you know what you want for yourself xx

@squirrelnutkins1 i can understand your state of mind.. i have been in a similar phase.. try to divert your mind with something good 😊