Be honest with me - how brutal is IVF?

[DotingDaisy]

My partner has male factor infertility. He tried IVF with a previous partner, sadly unsuccessfully.

The topic has come up in conversation, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't really know much about it, and I hope it's ok to ask here for people's experiences.

How much does it take out of you emotionally/physically? If I'm working full time, will I need to take lots of time off work for appointments? Not that that is a problem, I'm just trying to find out as much as I can so I can give it full consideration.

He doesn't talk about his past experience about it much, and I think that's because he still finds it difficult to think about and talk about. He said he would go through it again, though.

TIA!

WTH ivf overseas you are of course at risk if exchange rate fluctuations....

As to wether your gp would do the tests I’m not sure

Mine at Reprofit cost £2100 for ICSI (which you'll also need if you're MFI) £500 for meds and about £600 travel costs.

I had most my testing done on the NHS, but I needed some private bloods too. I had them done with an online company Fertility2u which was an excellent service.

I've booked in to see my GP next week for blood testing - although I'm not sure what bloods to ask for! Also does it matter where in my cycle I am? I should be CD1 on that day.

Some bloods are day 3 bloods some are day 21.

This is a link to what my clinic asks for. I don't want to seem like I'm pushing Reprofit (people will start to think I'm working for them) but it gives you a basic idea of what you need as a starting point. Just so you're aware the NHS doesn't do estradiol or AMH as standard so you might need to go private. You'll also need scans of your ovaries and uterus.

firstvirtualvisit.com/form/fvv-eng/

Basically it's fine as long as it works first or maybe second time. Beyond that it's horrendous.

I've had one round and am now 9+5 weeks pg after a couple of years trying with unexplained infertility.

Physically and practically- I didn't find it that bad. My work are fairly flexible and I never felt so bad that I had to take time off, except for the day of egg collection (but that was a Friday so I had the weekend to recover).

I consider myself quite emotionally resilient. I found the emotional rollercoaster harder than I was expecting even though everyone had told me that bit would be bad. I responded really poorly to the stims and I found that really difficult to deal with, especially because I didn't think there was anything 'wrong' with me since I ovulate, had normal ovarian reserve for my age etc. Facing the idea that IVF might not be a solution for me was just so tough. The waiting and the anxiety was really quite testing but actually I don't think my partner was anywhere near as affected by this as I was.

However - so far it has worked! I think if it hadn't I would do it again, and I do wonder if being more prepared next time round would help me. Particularly if you can be realistic about the chances of success, and have a really supportive partner, then it's not so difficult that it isn't worth the potential for a positive outcome. I definitely wouldn't write it off because it might be a hard experience.

Physically I was tired. Emotionally I was drained. It wasn't bad enough from preventing me from going through it again though.

My husband also has male factor, azoospermia, we're hopeful that we're close to overcoming his diagnosis with surgery and drugs though. We get the results shortly.

All the best of luck with whatever you decide.

i went to ivi madrid

dont down reg oct as means ec and et will be after xmas/ny and flightd stupid money as we found out

i did stims at home, scans at a local clinic who then emailed results to ivi

but we flew in day before/had ec and flew home that day then returned 5 days later for et

that cycle failed but had some to freeze

thrn went to have 2 fets and both times we flew in early think got 730am flight, there 10am clinic by 11, fet 12 and flight home 7/8pm

Basically it's fine as long as it works first or maybe second time. Beyond that it's horrendous.

This.

Throw in a miscarriage from ivf and it's gut-wrenchingly devastating.

*Emotionally it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Physically I feel exhausted, fat, bloated, completely run down, a complete wreak.

I’m surprised I haven’t committed suicide.*

Also this.

Perhaps you guys could discuss donor sperm if it doesn't work out with your DP's?

I wanted to share my experience about the process of IVF itself, in the hope that it's reassuring. I really hope it's not too smug-sounding to those who have found it difficult, as I know I was lucky, but I think there is a tendency to talk about things when they go wrong, and not when they go right!

Having read loads of horror stories, I was dreading - really dreading IVF, and made sure I had no social events and no important meetings for the whole time.

But when it came to it, I was actually overwhelmed by how easy the process was and how good I felt throughout.

1. I'm not a fan of needles but they are so tiny and it was so painless that I almost started to enjoy the nightly ritual of doing them. Mixing them and drawing them up is strangely satisfying and felt like going back to my childhood and playing doctors and nurses.

1. The stimulation drugs actually made me feel good - like better than I do normally (they stimulate estrogen production so it makes sense) - I felt more alert, less tired and clearer-thinking. I was a bit more emotional but even that wasn't a bad thing (!). I had a good cry a couple of times - the satisfying kind, not the painful kind - and felt good afterwards.

1. It was fascinating and exciting watching the follicles grow at each scan - I was very lucky that I had lots of follicles and that they developed in a totally textbook way - if I hadn't had many or they weren't developing, I think it would have been really stressful. I did feel a bit nervous before each scan wondering if there would be an issue.

1. I hardly felt bloated at all, except on the very last day commuting across London in rush hour then walking to the clinic from the tube (should have taken a cab).

1. I was asleep for the egg collection - they call it 'heavy sedation' but I was totally knocked out for the whole thing. I felt woozy for a couple of hours afterwards, and a bit sore until the evening. The next morning I woke up feeling totally fine, as though nothing had ever happened.

The hardest part was navigating it with work, as I didn't want to tell them. I got around it by booking early morning appointments so I wouldn't be late, or booking in an external meeting and tacking an appointment on afterwards or before. My appointments were late a couple of times and that was stressful as I was then late for work. In total I had to go in 7 times over the month. Consultation (2h), Nurse Planning session (1h), 4 scans (30 mins each), then the egg collection (day off).

In terms of the emotional side, that's probably the hardest bit as others have said - but it's been really important to me to think realistically and accept that it probably won't work first time. I know people say you should think positive, but I find managing my expectations and preparing myself for disappointment more effective - there are so many things that can go wrong, it's likely one of them will at some point - but mostly they can be overcome and don't mean game over.

Hope it goes well for you!

Agree with previous posters. I think if the first or second time works you may have a slightly brighter view of IVF. Although to be fair physically the first was always the hardest for me (I think it was a big shock to the system).
However on the fourth attempt to fall pregnant and then have a miscarriage at almost 16 weeks has just changed everything.
On one hand nothing (including IVF) will compare to that pain, but on the other the thought of throwing ourselves back into the IVF world is utterly terrifying.
I wish you so much luck OP xx

@NotToday1601 I am so so sorry to read about your miscarriage. I miscarried much earlier than that and it still nearly killed me, the pain with dealing with it was too much. It's taken all year to get over it.

Your post really resonated with me as I feel the same way about throwing myself back into that painful world.

I wish you all the best 

Thanks to you all for your really honest (and sometimes) painful accounts of your experiences.

I started off feeling reasonably positive about things. But I had bloods done with my GP the other day, and things don't look great for me either. My LH on CD2 was 15 point something, the cut off was 12. My FSH was within the limits, but only just.

I'm not sure what the high LH means, although I was diagnosed with PCOS about 12 years ago, but a scan (for something else) more recently said my ovaries didn't look polycystic at all. So I'm not sure what it all means.

I'm worried that with us both potentially having issues then it is just going to be more and more difficult. And I am 40 next year, so that's not ideal either.

I am not sure whether to put us both through it if the chances are really low. I know that's only something DP and I can decide, but I'm feeling wobbly today and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go through IVF.

The hardest part of IVF for me was injecting myself. It just felt so wrong to be doing it. That first time I geared myself up for at least half an hour beforehand, did it, and then burst into tears. It was so un-natural and that was a real low point.

It did work for us, but took 3 goes over 8 years (delays due to cost). Our DD is worth every penny spent and every tear shed. She is our joy. But I physically found it very hard to do. However on a personal/emotional side, it actually brought my DH and I even closer together.