Be honest with me - how brutal is IVF?

[DotingDaisy]

My partner has male factor infertility. He tried IVF with a previous partner, sadly unsuccessfully.

The topic has come up in conversation, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't really know much about it, and I hope it's ok to ask here for people's experiences.

How much does it take out of you emotionally/physically? If I'm working full time, will I need to take lots of time off work for appointments? Not that that is a problem, I'm just trying to find out as much as I can so I can give it full consideration.

He doesn't talk about his past experience about it much, and I think that's because he still finds it difficult to think about and talk about. He said he would go through it again, though.

TIA!

I’ve checked local guidelines and because he has had funded ivf before we would need to pay privately. That’s a job for tomorrow, find out about local clinics. Do I look purely at success rates?

I had one round, it was fine.
No major side effects, not traumatic, although I did have my first general anaesthetic for egg retrieval so was a bit anxious about that.

Success rates are of course important but be aware of what you are comparing, e.g. cycles resulting in pregnancy vs live births.

Also be aware some clinics will tune there operating practices to drive the stats - e.g. not treating women over a certain age, difficult cases, only 5 day transfers etc...

More important that you like the clinic and the staff. You need to feel comfortable there, relate easily to the doctors and nurses and be able to get there without too much difficulty as you could be there most days, or at least every other day, for scanning during the stimulation phase.

You need practitioners who you trust are up to date with the latest thinking (many aspects of the treatment and add ons are as yet unproven and some controversial), yet you also need to take accountability for your own treatment journey and be able to ask questions and query the approach.

I had two rounds. Second successful. It's not a pleasant experience having injections daily and ovary pain. Depends how much you want a child really. I would have gone to help and back if it meant I became a mother. I have no regrets.

If you are going private then go abroad - much cheaper even with flights and accom if you stay

Often half the price of UK

I wish we went abroad first but we did 2 cycles in UK for £12k

Wish we saved our money

Emotionally it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Physically I feel exhausted, fat, bloated, completely run down, a complete wreak.

I’m surprised I haven’t committed suicide.

I had 5 cycles and found it ok physically, 2 with own eggs and 3 with donor eggs spread across 4-5 years, for me it was the waiting and the fact that's nothing a given, you are constantly waiting for test results, egg numbers, fertilisation report, embryo development and then when/if you get pregnant knowing it can be taken away at any point

I went abroad. The costs were much more manageable, the success rates higher and we combined it with a holiday which took the pressure off needing to leave work for appointments.

I hadn’t even thought of going abroad. For those who did go abroad, where did you go? How long were you away for? Did you have to do stuff in the UK before going? Did it take more than one trip? Sorry for all the questions.

I did 4 uk cycle them one at Serum in Athens, flew out whilst the donor was stimming and then stayed until a few days after a blast transfer so 9 days we were there, got a lovely apartment on air bnb. Just did the one trip but a lot do 2

I cycled with Reprofit in Brno. I stimmed at home, had private scans, flew out about day 7 I think, continued stimming out there, triggered then had my EC. Waited 5 days for my ET and flew how afterwards. I think you could get away with having much less time out there than I had, but because you need to be fluid during a ivf and I need a set plan the extra time worked well to reduce my travelling anxiety.

It's like a lot of things in life, challenging. What's the phrase, nothing worth having comes easy.
I'm on my first cycle, 6 collected, 4 fertilised, 1 embryo ready to be implanted in the new year. (I'm 38 - no known cause)
Stims is ok, don't be afraid of the injections. Think of all the times you have cried on the bathroom floor when your period comes. You handled that, you can handle an injection.
Avoid doing them in the evening, or be prepared to stay home A LOT - says the person who injected in restaurant toilets and in the middle of a gig
I gained a couple of kg's, fell off after - but I didn't comfort eat and exercised lots.
I shouted at my husband a lot.
Cried in front of my boss once (construction role, didn't go down well)
Managed to train daily during stims, which kept me sane - took 3 days off after egg collection.
Take 2 days off for egg collection, you'll feel shit after. I went into work, lasted an hour went home and cried all day.
It's expensive.
Definitely plan to use a clinic close to home/work - we weren't initially and it was a nightmare so we moved.
You don't need to tell your work if you don't want to, I haven't - I was chasing a promotion (which I got), didn't want to be over looked if they thought I wanted family soon.
But if it makes me a mum, even after many more cycles. (Which I'm expecting) I'd do it again in a heart beat.
Good luck OP !!

Oh Gemme I'm sorry you have found it so difficult

I'm really mixed as to how I feel about it.

If it didn't work, I would be upset but I don't think I would be devastated. Both DP and I are fairly pragmatic people and I'd be of the opinion that it just wasn't meant to be.

But that also makes me wonder if we should go through something that is likely to put immense stress on our relationship, when ultimately we both feel "what will be will be"?

Maybe I wondering how much you really have to want it, to put yourselves and your relationship through it.

I think a good way of looking at it is how you think you're going to feel in ten years time if you don't go for it now.

I didn't want IVF, but I knew I wanted a family and I knew I'd be pissed off with myself for not trying

I had one round of IVF and conceived. It was a long process. I went from being someone who doesn't like needles to someone who sticks big fat needled into themself day for weeks on end. It is s commitment in terms of time off work. There are so many regular appointments.
I didn't find it took an emotional toll, maybe partly because it was funded by the NHS and I did conceive. It just felt drawn out. It was amazing to feel the little piercing pain all day after the 2 week wait and to know I must be pregnant.

I think a good way of looking at it is how you think you're going to feel in ten years time if you don't go for it now

I agree. I think if we didn't try I would really regret it. At least, if it didn't work, we could say that we had tried.

@DotingDaisy I think that's true when you start out, although when you ultimately have to stop you can rarely surmise that it's because someone doesn't want it enough to keep going.

Sometimes the financial, physical and emotional strain is just too much to bear, irrespective of how much you want it. Sometimes the odds diminish so far that it no longer is an option to pursue.

I'm not sure what the next step would be now. As he has already had NHS funded IVF, the local guidelines say we wouldn't be eligible for any more rounds. So I guess we have to contact a private clinic? Would I do any tests at my GP first, or would I need to get it all done via the private clinic?

We had ivf at reprofit in the Czech Republic. I had two scans at an ultrasound centre in my nearest town and did all the stims medication and trigger shot in the uk. I then flew out for egg collection and stayed for a day 5 transfer. (So I was there for 6 days) It was one trip only. I booked flexible tickets with easy jet just in case I needed to change the flights but it all went to plan.

My husband only went for one night to deposit his contribution into a cup as he couldn’t stay out for longer.

It cost us £1500 for the ivf and £1000 for drugs and £1000 for travel costs roughly.

Get what tests you can have on the nhs but start researching private clinics too and ask what they require.

Will the NHS do any testing for me if we haven't been TTC for 2 years (because there's no point in waiting that long when we knew there is an existing issue)?

Twickerhun wow those prices are so low compared to the ones I've seen in the UK!