Thank you so much for your support @Cariad2017 @MynameisJune @thisisouryrfx18 @EstrellaMay @CatRen27 . This thread is really keeping me going during this difficult time, and hopefully what I post could be useful to those of you who have not quite started with ivf.....
So yesterday morning I got the dreaded call to say how many embryos had made it til day 5 (supposedly blastocyst stage, with much better implantation rates). It was not good news. Out of the 3 eggs that fertilised two were very slow growers, having still, on day 5, only reached a few cells. They were therefore not viable and to be discarded. The third was also a slow grower but did have some compacted cells, so was closer but still not yet at the blastocyst stage (believe me, all these terms will become common place to you. It becomes the next obsession, when you're at this stage: all the developmental stages and "grades" of embryos...!) However the embryologist said they would still "pop this one back in"! I wondered whether it was just to give me a feeling of completion, rather than it having any chance of working, because looking at articles about slow developing embryos things did not look good.
I googled like crazy as usual (WHY can't I stop myself?! Sometimes I wish there was no internet....!) and got quite upset. However my tears decided not to make an appearance until I was at acupuncture, having a pre-transfer session, which was fairly embarrassing! She kept saying "should I stop?" but I told her to carry on.
After crying like a baby at acupuncture and feeling very silly, I drove to have my embryo put in (you can drive for ET as there is no sedation like with EC). It was really fast and easy - again no pain, and interesting from a science point of view. You see a picture of the embryo magnified on a screen, and your uterus on the ultrasound. You see the catheter go in, and a "flash" of white on the US as the liquid containing the embryo goes in.
By this point the embryo had reached very early blastocyst stage, or "cavitating morula" stage, which means its cells were differentiating and its interior cavity was forming. This was good news at least, though still too early to call it a good graded blastocyst. The embryologist was quite cheerful and I wouldn't say optimistic but I liked her manner; I found the consultant really negative by comparison and he made me wonder whether it was worth the bother putting my embryo back at all...!
I was all done in 20 mins and went straight back to acupuncture for a post-transfer session (my bank account is just haemorrhaging money atm but I just wanted to say I'd done everything I could. Not sure I even believe in any of the acu stuff, as a scientist, but....it's made me relax and given me an hour to myself each week at least, so that's something....)
Now I am just trying to be positive without setting myself up for a HUGE disappointment when this doesn't work....which as we all know is a really difficult balance to strike!!
Best of luck all. I really hope my little embryo makes a nice home inside me. I just kept thinking, "it's coming back to mummy, where it belongs...." which is such a lovely yet desperately sad thought if you consider it might well not implant or develop any further, and just made me cry more..... x