To ask if anyone stopped IVF after 1 cycle?

[ohbigdaddio]

Feeling pretty down at the moment! I'm almost 39, have never been pregnant and have done 1 IVF cycle which failed and have 2 frozen embryos to use. I am constantly told by friends and relatives to 'stay positive' and 'be strong' and 'it'll happen eventually'. I understand they are trying to help but it is very hard living day to day, emotions and mood up and down (mainly down!), listening to pregnancy announcements, hearing how easy it was for friends etc. Just waiting for our follow up appointment is a 5 week wait and I am constantly wishing weeks and months away to get to our next step in the process. All sounding familiar to many, I'm sure.

What I'd really like to know is has anybody had one cycle of IVF and decided, actually I can't live like this anymore – the constant hope and disappointment, all for something which may never happen?

I realise I sound sorry for myself (I am!) but I suffer from anxiety and depression and over the last few weeks have become increasing low. I have no self confidence and feel horrible about myself. I feel like a shadow of my former self and have had some dark thoughts. I think soon I will need anti-depressants and I am thinking maybe not everyone is cut out for this? Why should I put myself through years of IVF to the severe detriment of my mental health? Of course, I really want a family and have been told to expect to do 3 cycles but I have been thinking lately about stopping after trying with these 2 embryos and deciding I've put myself through enough. There must be more to life than this?

Thanks everyone, some really useful comments here.

EarlGreyT I'll get the thread moved, thanks for your help!

WaitingForSunday17 Yes we have had 2 blastocysts frozen.

DonkeySkin Thanks for your comments about the uterine fibroid. It is very much on my mind and very difficult to know who to believe with 2 differing opinions. We need to look into a 3rd opinion for sure.

ItalianGreyhound Money is an issue up to a point. We have some savings but they're not infinite. My DH isn't keen on the idea of donor eggs and I am unsure but we haven't given it proper thought at this stage. We really need to see what our consultant says before we make any decisions.

I do keep wondering who I am now, and where the old me has gone. This IVF certainly is a shitfest eurochick!

We're just moving this over to infertility at the OP's request.

ohbigdadio we had our 1st round in April this year. It didn’t work and we didn’t get any to freeze. Before we started I was pretty sure I would only do 1 round (we are self funded due to silly nhs guidelines in my area, don’t get me started on all that!) when it failed I said I couldn’t go through it all again. However We have since come to realise it is what we want and we are prepared to go through it all again. We have changed clinics and have our 1st appt on the 8th dec. only you can decide whether to go through it again, all I can say is give yourself time to grieve this one - that’s what I needed anyway x

Italiangreyhound I know that criteria vary from LA to LA. We live in central London, so there are lots of prospective adoptive parents, and the children available are generally high-needs.

DH and I both have quite demanding jobs (NHS consultant and IT contractor), and it was made quite clear to us at the information evening that we would not be approved if we both intended to continue working.

Flouncy’s comment touched a nerve as we were TTC for more than four years, and the number of people with no experience in either looked-after children or infertility who suggested that we “just” adopt, like that might never have occurred to us and was an easy option (like ordering a baby from Amazon) was just crazy.

I’m glad you had a good experience of the adoption process, but I’m sure you wouldn’t describe it as the easier option either. People think it is like adopting a kitten from Battersea

Sashkin that's a good question, which is easier. Honestly, matching was hard, being mum to children is hard, mum to children with addituonal needs hard, (currently birth dd harder than adopted son).

But the process, adoption process over fertility process, which is easier. For me. Adoption.

But, I like talking, I don't mind talking bout myself, I had wanted to adopted for over 20 years and I just did not find it as hard as some others do.

Matching was very hard. Turning down children you do not think you can cope with, is hard, waiting is hard.

I am not selling it as a rosy picture, just saying it is different for some.

I do wanted another child and this was the only way. We had nice social workers and it all worked out. It may well not work out for all. And I am glad I spent thousands on years of fertility treatment because that is what I wanted to do. But honestly for me adoption was easier than fertility treatment.

For me, the adoption process was hard and intense, both times we went through it. But it was definitely less traumatic than my one IVF cycle. Probably because there was such a feeling of failure after the IVF, because the problem was with me.

The adoption process is tough but we accepted it, it needs to be!

Mittens1969.

One of the many reasons the “have you thought about adoption” or “why don’t you JUST adopt?” Comments is really really inappropriate and annoying. As you say, the process needs to be tough.

It’s even worse when adopt is prefixed with the word “just” as though you can just go and adopt a child as easily as buy something on amazon.

These stupid comments are always said by people who have never themselves “just” adopted and have never looked into what the process actually involves.

I think their is a big difference between “have you thought about adoption” and “why don’t you JUST adopt?”

The first begins a conversation, and if the person saying it has some experience to share then it might be helpful.

The second suggests adoption is fine for all, accessible for all, the answer for all, and is a no brainer. It is none of these things.

There not their

The second suggests adoption is fine for all, accessible for all, the answer for all, and is a no brainer. It is none of these things

This is exactly what I was trying to say - you’ve put it much better!

Thanks, Sashkin. I am a big fan of adoption but I know it is no right for all.

For me the difference between doing ivf and going through adoption was knowing that if it didn't work i knew none of the children involved would die. (That's "not work" in terms of us not being approved or never being matched.)
I think i was quite traumatised by repeated miscarriages and worrying about potential fertilized embryos to be discarded.