Do I tell my child about my reason for infertility?

[CurlieSue]

Hi, my child was conceived through IVF. I had damaged tubes caused by Chlamydia. I want to educate my daughter to ensure she always practices safe sex and doesn't contract this terrible disease which put me through years of hell which involved 3 ectopic pregnancies and IVF. I really don't want to tell her that mummy had chlamydia, but I feel that I need to do it to ensure she tries her best not to contract it. She is only a baby now, but when she is old enough, should I tell her? Thanks.

By all means but I suspect the response will be a mixture of OMG and covering her ears so she can't have that discussion with you. There are some things that parents can't teach their children and these include how to knit and safe sex. There are exceptions to the above maybe wait and see what your relationship with your child in their teenage years before you make a choice.

I think you may be surprised just how open your discussions might be.

DD is 15, without embarrassment and talks openly about anything she needs to know the answer to. I find it quite refreshing. I am also astounded how life and attitudes appear to have moved on since I was a mortified and embarrassed teen.

You may find that in time, your DD initiates a discussion on a related subject. In our circumstances, DD's curiosity leads the way.

I wouldn't, personally.

It's not something that should concern you too much right now.

Wait until she gets to the stage when she understands more about physical relationships, and judge based on her maturity. Chlamydia is in fact incredibly common, so much so that many people incubate it without even knowing. HPV is also a big concern.

I think it's a good idea. I remember being a teenager and thinking that I was invincible. I also remember thinking that STDs were something that happened to the boys and girls who slept around. Never to people like me. When in fact we all know that someone can practice safe sex with a different partner every week and be exposed to minimal health risks, whilst another person could sleep with just one partner without a condom and catch something. Most of us I think probably trusted our mums growing up and so I'm sure that hearing this would hit home to your DD that it really can happen to anyone and that safe sex is a must.

I don't think you have to feel ashamed if that's what you're worried about. Please don't let that be the reason you don't tell her.

I actually think when she is old enough, then you should. It will be a very brave thing for you to do and IMO is important. I'm so very sorry you had to go through what you did, but I'm very glad you have your lovely little girl.

It is a different situation, but I remember my mum telling me about her miscarriages, in a very sensitive way when I was old enough to appreciate this had happened and did happen to women.

I'm so glad she did, I have had seven miscarriages and it's only because I knew of my mums struggle that I did not feel so alone (still felt alone) when it happened over and over again. I did feel all those awful things you feel going through that but I think I didn't feel like it was something I had to do on my own, I knew other people went through this. Other women I've spoken too have had a harder time because nobody talks about it, regardless of the reasons it might happen.

If you can help educate your child with your experiences and protect them, I don't know why you wouldn't. I also think you have many years to think about it and times will change a lot over that period and you should just enjoy that tiny human being tiny x

agree with bluebird and you absoulety do not have to feel ashamed.