TTC for 18 months or more. Moving onto IUI/IVF/ICSI -part 2

[bluebird3]

We have relocated from the conception board where we were previously chatting under the thread 'ttc for 10 months or more'. A lot of us are now long term ttc-ers and are going through infertility treatment or looking to take steps in this direction so we feel this might be a more suitable home for us!

Feel free to stop by and say hi and hopefully we can share the journey together and make it a little easier along the way!

Ps should have said I'm sorry for your baby bomb - I just meant I feel your pain.

No worries gee. I knew what you meant. It's just so sad to keep being left behind. I feel stuck in a life stage I don't want to be in. I can feel myself withdrawing from friends because I'm worried they are going to tell me they're pregnant. Or if they have kids it's so painful to talk to them and just hear about it all the time. I'm so lonely and as I live in a different country from my family i don't even have them to lean on. Sorry...just feeling sorry for myself tonight. dh is at work.

I totally understand. My friends all have kids now and are starting on their seconds with predictable ease and I've been left behind. They are all on Mat leave or part time now so they meet up without me I don't blame them as I wouldn't really want to come to everything with all the babies at the moment anyway but feel so left out. It's really tough. You're not alone. I feel the same. Really cheated.

Blue so sorry for the baby bomb I was by mine after she was trying for one month - we have a very honest friendship so I was able to be frank with her about finding it hard / happy for her but sad for me. I still find it difficult and baking her baby shower cake...

It is SO unfair. Sometimes I just want to throw myself on the floor and have a massive tantrum about it.

Gee I'm the same - as soon as a friend gets married, oh they'll be pregnant before me.

Hope everyone else is alright and had a nice weekend - I start buserelin tomorrow!

Oh good luck maple. I didn't find the buserlin injections bad at all. I ended up injecting in some very odd places as I tried to keep life normal. So weird the first one as it finally becomes real you're doing this!

Thanks gee! Luckily I did IUI with injectibles so not too worried about them but it does seem more real when you actually get to the injecting bit and not just taking the pill! Hopefully not much longer for you to start again - next month! How are you feeling about it?

I'm feeling ok actually thanks. Not feeling so desperate at the moment as have a plan and know when I'm starting again. I worry a bit I should be having the scratch before my second cycle but while my clinic offer it, they said they didn't recommend it so I opted just to get going on the second fresh cycle. I panic a bit about what happens if this doesn't work either and I only have one frostie but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Good luck maple. It's great that you are getting going to stims. I never did the pill just straight to stims.

Thanks ladies for support re: baby bomb.

Had another strange baby bomb. Last week one of my dh's good friends from uni had a baby. Nobody even knew she was pregnant. She lives across the country and we were all surprised/confused. Anyways, she's emailed and said that she didn't say anything bc she's had 4 rounds of IVF and a mc and an ectopic pregnancy so they didn't really want to say anything until things went well. I feel really happy for them as they are a great couple. It's also given me hope that it can work. I don't mind those baby bombs.

Sorry about all the baby bombs

One of my best friends is about to give birth. Took her about 18 months and a miscarriage so obviously it wasn't easy for her, but I still don't find it comparable to what we're going through. I've given up hoping I'll at least be pregnant by the time the baby comes- I've been thinking that for two years!

Blue that is the nicest kind of baby bomb, but oh what a tough journey your friend had. So pleased they have their happy ending.

Good luck with buserelin maple.

Glad you have your plan and feeling alright about it gee. Did your clinic say why it didn't recommend the scratch?

Blue I'm not on stims yet unfortunately - starting buserelin first! I'm glad the second baby bomb wasn't so bad. Does she know about everything you are going through?

Thanks Star! First jab done!

Question for you all... In my CCG I get one fresh and one frozen go on the NHS. My sister lives in an area where they get 3 fresh and 3 frozen. She said that I should change my address to hers so I get more goes. I'm not sure what it would entail (would I need to register with a doctor / even if I did would they give me the "extra" 2 goes?). I'm so tempted by the possibility of getting more goes on the NHS but equally feel guilty about it being fraud?! What would you do??

Maple - my clinic is very conservative and doesn't recommend any extras at all unless they're clinically proven and recommended on NHS. (I thought scratch was but apparently it's still on trial). They don't even recommend any supplements except folic acid but I take a multi vit, vit D, fish oil, and a crap load of other stuff depending on what I've seen online.
Re changing your CCG for extra funding, I can't guess how the process would go for you but I suspect it won't be easy or I guess a lot of people would try it. When I started the referral process my DH and I had different doctors, near to one another but different CCGs (based on where we grew up) as we'd never changed our doctors from when we grew up . Fertility consultant said we had to have the same doctor so there was a right faff getting me registered with his doctor (we had same funding whichever doc we went with) and a lot of paperwork was sent to my home address. How far away is your sister? It might be hard e.g. If they send your prescriptions to her house etc.

On my month of Clomid. Looks it hasn't worked so have an appointment scheduled next month with gaene to discuss what happens next. In the meantime, every female in my and my husband's family seems to have just gotten pregnant.

Last month of clomid

I lurk here (going through ICSI at present) but had to paste my post from last year about CCGs and NHS cycles.

My 1st ICSI cycle failed however I decided to change GPs to one under a differenct CCG (one which allows 3 cycles as opposed to mine which offered 1) and I am now back in the process and eligible for 2 more.

I didn't have to even see the GP, all the paperwork just came through so I strongly recommend checking other CCGs where you may be able to register as a patient as this could save me thousands of pounds and has given me some hope.

There's a link somewhere showing the borders and i lived close to another one and found a GP in that border who accepted me. Good luck

Gee thanks! I need to think about it as I would feel incredibly guilty doing it. I see my sister once a week so getting post etc is fine and I pick up my prescription so don't need to worry about that...

Uppity sorry the clomid hasn't worked out - hope the appointment goes well.

Thanks for delurking with that info clue! For me it would be a case of registering with a GP an hour away (door to door) and using my sister's address which is what makes me feel uneasy...

Might just see how the goes I get with my current ccg goes first!

Yes see how you get on. I haven't once visited my new gp since registering and i think the rules have changed so you can choose to be at a gp that's not your local so no need to change address or pretend you live elsewhere. I was SHOCKED at how easy it was for me to get 2 extra cycles just for the sake of a phone call and I've been telling everyone i speak to!

Maple, don't feel guilty - the postcode lottery should absolutely not exist. My GP is over an hour away because I moved house. I stayed with them not because of funding (my current CCG is actually more generous) but because I was ready to go and my clinic wouldn't book me in without everything being set. Once treatment starts I'm going to switch GPs and register in my current borough and see if I can get the additional embryo transfers through that like clue!

Gee I saw your thread about stats. I am sooo hoping I get enough embryos to do three transfers without another fresh go as those cumulative stats are quite reassuring (provided it doesn't turn out I have a horrible immune issue or antibodies or something!)

This link looks interesting - www.fertilityfairness.co.uk/nhs-fertility-services/ivf-provision-in-england/.

I can't believe what a lottery it is! I only get one fresh and one frozen one but had no waiting list so I guess that counts for something!

One of my best friends confirmed to me she is pregnant (again!) today. She thought she was weeks back but hadn't tested and now her scan is tomorrow. The real kicker is that she found out she was pregnant with her first just as I had a m/c at 5 weeks and with this one she is 12 weeks and I should be 12.5. Hating myself for not being happy for her and not wanting to see her or talk about her pregnancy with her! It's so crap because really I am super happy for her

So sorry for the baby bomb Tea. That timing is so cruel please look after yourself and don't beat yourself for finding this tough. Are you having recurrent miscarriage investigations?

I get the same: one fresh, one frozen. But my new ccg will fund an additional frozen transfer so if I get two frozen embryos (BIG if) then I'll change GP.

I'm sorry too tea. It's tough being happy for others. I try very hard to remind myself that just because they're pregnant doesn't reduce my chances. That said I am struggling at the moment. I have a very close group of girlfriends who I'm not really seeing anymore. We talk via whatsapp but I just don't want to see them if I'm totally honest, and yet I really miss them and the companionship. They all have babies now and two are pregnant with their second so they're either on Mat leave or work part time. All they really have to talk about is their babies. They know we're struggling and do ask how things are going but I don't want to talk to them about it because they just don't understand. I'm so jealous they all reproduced easily and naturally.
Sorry that all became about me. I just meant I know how you feel sorry again for your mc. That must make it all the harder.

Thanks all - gobsmacked at how different the funding is and I'm lucky my sister lives in such a generous borough. I'm definitely going to ask about it at my scan to start stims. It is absolutely ridiculous that there is a postcode lottery. And some are cutting / don't provide at all!

Tea sorry for the baby bomb it is so hard and I always struggle with my emotions. I try and be happy but honestly? I'm not at all.

Gee I'm the same - feel like I'm distancing myself from friends. I want my life back! But it won't be the same again will it? Sorry I'm being a misery guts now!

We can all be miserable together - it is so hard acting interested in scans etc. Just had a birthday and all my friends had their children singing happy birthday to me down the phone - I just wanted to hang up!!

Hang in everybody. Don't even know what to say as nothing makes me feel better but it's got to get better right?!! I'm glad that here at least everyone gets it as I could never have imagined how hard all this would be.

Star yes I'm being referred for recurrent mc and myself and DH have had bloods taken to test for chromosomal abnormalities and I now need to wait for approx 8 weeks for all my hormones to settle down and I will go in for further testing. Then I'm hoping to do a frostie cycle. I was lucky to get two but not sure whether both will be defrosted and implanted or if it's another two cycles. I worry that I will go through all the stimming and then the embryo doesn't make it through the thaw process so if two are defrosted that's a better chance but then obviously two must be implanted if they both make it! Anyway bit of a ramble but thanks for the support everyone and look after yourselves and plan something fun for the bank holiday!!!

Maple - re if things will ever feel the same again, I actually really hope they will. From what I've read, however horrific infertility is, if you manage to get pregnant and carry a baby to term, you kind of forget (at least forgive?) how hard is was to come about and you can throw yourself into motherhood normally and therefore I guess your friendships will return to more like normal? That said, I know someone who had IVF for her first and she said she never found pregnancy announcements easy after that though, even when she was a mother. However now she's pregnant with her second naturally, I wonder if that feeling will go away for her too.

Hi everyone. Sorry been awhile for a few days. I've been super busy getting ready for our holiday tomorrow.

I do not feel like I'll ever get over this experience. It's horrible and I feel like my face has aged sooo much. The scary thing is though that it feels like the only cure is to go on to have a a baby. If that doesn't ever happen, which it sometimes doesn't, I feel like my life will have been ruined. I honestly can't see a life that I'll enjoy without kids. I know that it a horrible way to look at things, but it's the truth.

When I get back from holiday I think I might see a counsellor. It can't hurt and I just need to build up my resilience. Terrified of another failure.

Sorry everyone else is also feeling shit but we can hand hold throughout.

Just realised I posted an update on the wrong thread. Hope everyone who has been baby bombed is coping ok. All my friends have had babies in the last year or so and it is horrible meeting up with them. Also getting to the point I know they'll be announcing pregnancy number 2s in the not too distant future.

I've had a real emotional rollercoaster over the last couple of weeks. DP and I had finally managed to have the conversation about seeking help if I wasn't pregnant by the summer (the problem largely being his ED). In the meantime I decided to get a couple of tests done privately to put my mind at rest so I would be able to just 'go with it' for a while before starting to panic.

I got an amazing promotion at work which I've been working my butt off for ages to get so was on a complete high. The day after that my test results arrived back and my AMH puts me in the 'low fertility' category at 33. I feel devastated. I only had the tests done to put my mind at rest. The AMH level could be a lot lower so I feel like I should be relieved, but I'm not as it is still low fertility and even without DP's issues it makes things harder.

DP read the report and their list of suggestions so we've decided to start using things like OPKs which we hadn't done before due to it putting more pressure on him. I've also got a doctors appointment booked for a couple of weeks time.

I can't turn to any of my friends as they've all recently had babies and I can't cope with talking about it whilst they're sat smiling at their baby. I had one friend who I could really confide in and she's older with grown up children, but I'm now her line manager at work so not sure how I feel about opening up now.