Failure stories

[BipBippadotta]

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

Bip great news! Though I'm sorry that you had to deal with the added stress, and the sleazy prof.

bean sorry to hear about the cyst. Will it resolve itself ordinary you require a procedure to remove it? Looks like the dates might work for you so Fx.

Banana what an epic year! Hoping that the next is more positive for you.

Have spoken to consultant today about frustration of waiting until December. We've agreed that I'll take 2.5 weeks of the pill and then rescan on 20.10. If no cyst then I stop pill early and start stims d2. If cyst still present then back to plan a. At least I feel I have another chance.

Jesus Bip the Prof sounds like an utter fucknugget. I’m so, so, so glad the outcome isn’t as feared, although bloody hell the agony you and DH have been through the last few days. Really hope you can do something nice for yourselves to at least try and decompress (somewhat, I realise that it’s but one milestone and the worry doesn’t just magically go away)

And your words yesterday about the pain of infertility / pregnancy & infant loss / general headfuckery of it all were beautiful and so elegantly put

Bean I know we’ve spoken separately, but just to offer some extra hugs, and glad that you have some scenario plans, fx the dates work out

Robber I’m so so pleased you’re no longer pissing razor blades, and keeping everything crossed for some lovely news at your next scan, and a beautiful hb

tiger thinking of you and hope the bastard cold is thinking about buggering off. I’m also with bip on the Cyclogest arse bullets. I only tried shoving them up the bum after reading MN, and after 10 mins of ‘oh god I’m going to shit myself’ I resolved to stick firmly to the fandango

PeaOp mmmmm, steak. (gold star on the run though, /doffs cap)

Hello friends,

I had a 6 weeks + 0 days early scan today and saw a little heartbeat. Fortunately just ONE which is a relief having transferred two blasts on 13 September. Positioned far away from my Section scar, and measurements normal. I feel very happy and also blessed.

So now is the right time for me to haul my ass over to the Pregnancy Board. I will probably head to the May 2017 antenatal club (if this all works out then my due date is 1 June but as I'm ancient I will almost certainly be having another C-section a week earlier). I don't feel quite right about joining the Pregnancy after Infertility thread as, like here, I haven't been through what these ladies have and they deserve to have only those who really 'get it' around them.

I will also limp back to the Hyperesemis thread with my Tupperware bowl and peeling lips. Major pukage has begun and must focus on staying out of hospital this time around. No better way to feel really useless than to be in hospital on a drip with no one quite sure why you are there.

The main reason for this note was to thank you all for so many things. Since March your wisdom, knowledge, reassurance and encouragement have been invaluable to me. I have faced a fraction of what you all have, but your kindness throughout has been inspirational and an example of the power of women at their very best. Your generosity and humour during my IVF treatment while you all face far greater challenges and heartache has meant so much to me.

There is nothing I would like more than to see lots of you over on Pregnancy as fast as humanly possible. In the meantime I will lurk quietly over here to see how you are all getting on but will remain quiet.

Bip, as the originator of this thread, 678 messages ago, there are no words to describe how much I hope your remaining pregnancy is healthy and non-eventful (with no more incompetent sonographers).

Banana, no one has educated me about fertility and IVF treatment like you (including the Lister) - and my god do I hope that coil brings on the bright red bleeding of champions IMMEDIATELY. I hope you are changing a pad every hour because of all that healthy, replenishing, fresh endometrium. I will be reading with bated breath every month.

If my pregnancy does not work, which of course it may not, I hope I can come back here and re-join you. But for now I must work on the basis that it will and get on with it.

Thank you all again - and I send every piece of best fortune (AND GLITTER SHIT - first time I have dared use that term) all your ways.

banana glad to hear about your op & Colin being happy under the circumstances. Agree it sounds such a backwards way to get pregnant via a coil (mind you there are enough "oops I diffed despite a coil, the pill and a durex" stories out there... 🙄). Jesus what the fuck is wrong with nurses?! I'm sure lots do a really good and caring job but seriously you sound like you've come across every crap one ever. And bip your prof sounds like a complete twat too... infertility more than most needs sensitivity. There aren't any other medical problems with result in potentially multiple deaths. That needs to be day 1 of "so you're working with barrens..." training. I've said it before, at least if you have cancer and die, it only happens once and then that's it. Everyone has to die eventually and dealing with your own has to be the easiest. Losing baby after baby is the single hardest thing anyone could go through. These chirpy fuckers NEED to get it. Hijo de PUTA. (sorry have been watching a lot of Narcos and no one swears or exacts revenge like Pablo Escobar I've discovered).

Pea, Bean you're both going through shit as well. Lots of love, it's just crap and depressing. You don't deserve any of it. I wish there was a way for barrens to make barrens better. Best of luck for Friday tiger. X

Bean great news the consultant's open to being a bit more flexible. I am wishing your cyst away. Fwiw I had a 5cm ovarian cyst
3 weeks ago that had totally disappeared as of Monday, so they can go away quite quickly. Fingers crossed.

Banana aargh I am always so amazed that people who must work with loss and bereavement and illness and infertility every day haven't been given some better stock phrases to wheel out. Ugh.

X posted there. Great news, LH! And hoping things go well at your scan too Robber.

bip just de lurking briefly to say hi and a tentative congrats to you so far... hoping beyond hope you catch your break this time.
I often think of you since you stopped posting over on mind numbers ghetto. Good luck! and everything crossable crossed for you 💐

Deletions? Wtf?

Whoops, I forgot I'm not supposed to slag off a named person on a public Internet forum.

Oh FFS. Well frankly this is a factual news story in the public domain that suggests he who may not be mentioned has form for such behaviour. Allegedly.

www.independent.co.uk/news/birth-pioneer-cleared-of-misconduct-charge-1159916.html

Yep, that account doesn't surprise me in he slightest. What a bizarre idea that it might be 'relaxing' to have the piss taken out of you and your hometown in front of a bunch of strangers while you're vulnerable & terrified waiting to have an operation in which your babies are likely to die.

I really really want to know what Bip said that got deleted! Though from Banana's link, I can guess.

Bean so sorry you're having such bad luck, but I'm really glad you have a plan. How is your DH?

Banana have you recovered from the GA ok? I hate them, they make me feel crap for days. I'm really glad it went well with Colin, and very glad a bollocking is getting delivered. Seriously, where do they find these idiots? Are you ready for work on Monday - is it in London?

Tiger, how are you feeling? My cold just won't shift, I'm on day 6 and it is showing no signs of buggering off. (But I will still take a cold over a UTI!)

Pea how are you feeling? I hope you're enjoying lots of runs, wine and forbidden foods.

Wave to Potatoes and Karla - how are you both?

Icy how far along for you now?

Thank you for your good wishes for tomorrow, I feel slightly sick with nerves, and also just plain sick. If nausea is a good measure, then I should be ok. DH is coming with me, there's no way I'm facing a scan room alone again.

Good luck today robber!!

And also to tiger

Robber thankfully I'm absolutely fine with GA. Which is just as well as I've had 3 in the last 8 months. They're only very light generals as theatre time was only 30 mins, so I was in theatre at 6pm and allowed to go home by 9pm.

Thanks for the good wishes, I'm on my way to the transfer and survived an almost fainting episode when the put the cannula in for the intralipids! Still sick as a dog with this cold though. Writing today off as a sick day.

Good luck robber, thinking of you.

What an utter sleazebag bip. So utterly violating in every way, both the touching and the complete lack of empathy.

Glad your op went OK banana. Hope the contraception is a forward step in disguise as a backwards step if you get my drift. The bloody arse bullets are the bain of my life but my clinic are very clear it is back door. I'm also currently depositing estrodiol in the foof so it's a busy old time. In fact I'm just about to stop off at the next services to stick a diclofenac up back. The glamourous lives we lead eh.

bean am crossing everything for you and hoping the cyst buggers off.

peaop hope you're doing ok!

All the best to you LH, glad it was good news.

Good luck, Tiger - God, they do like to keep your orifices busy don't they. Hope all goes well today & you can get home & collapse into bed. Did you manage to get all the work stuff re-arranged? Sounded like such an immensely stressful time.

Robber fingers crossed for good news at the scan.

Tiger congratulations for making it to transfer day! I hope it all goes well.

So the good news - I saw a fetal pole and heartbeat. I didn't ask what the heartbeat was, which is probably a good thing as it means I can't google it. But the sonographer seemed happy with it.

The not so good news is that the fetal pole is measuring a bit small - depending on angle/zoom, between 5.3mm and 6.4mm - which apparently puts it three or four days behind what it should be. I had the ovulation trigger on the evening of Sat 3rd Sep, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated about 10am on Mon 5th Sep, though I don't know when it implanted - could late implantation explain it? They said they'd have expected over 7mm at this point, so I've got to go back in two weeks for another scan. DH isn't worried, he says it is genetically half mine so the baby is just faffing around and being a bit late to get to the party. Any experiences? I suppose at least I'll get to see the embryo again in two weeks.

Sorry for the me, me , me post. I hope everyone else is doing well and looking forward to a restful weekend. It feels like we've had a few crazy weeks on this thread!

robber I'm really hoping it all works out for you. One thing that seems certain in all of this is that those of us fertiles who manage to get pregnant will not have an easy ride. I have no experience I'm afraid - didn't get as far as a scan with my IVF pregnancy.

bip all the work stuff is sorted thankfully. My boss is away next week but is also lovely and knows all about the IVF and is very relaxed about appointments. Next week I'll work from home three days and I've got a fairly fun course to attend and night away with my team - should be a good distraction.

I now have two blasts on board. I am also feeling much better - my cold symptoms pretty much disappeared a couple of hours after the intralipids - so they definitely refuce the inflammatory responses in the body to some degree. Still feel the yuckiness in the throat but I can breathe so I can sleep...oh wait, now the progesterone insomnia has kicked in, bugger. Also, Sorry for tmi but as Mr T would put it, my bumholio is angry. I had forgotten how much diclofenac suppositories irritate! Sick of meddling with my body but another 2 weeks to go.

Anyway, now the 2 weeks of insanity begin. I was all relaxed and of the mind that it's not going to work, but my transfer was such a positive experience that now I feel hopeful.

Otd is 16 days post transfer. Last time I bled at 8dpt, despite all the drugs. In my mind I've given myself a test date of next Sunday, so I'll see how I get on.

The dog has just got up on the bed and rested her head on my tummy. She rarely does this, so of course it MEANS something. Argh, I have lost my grip on rational thinking pretty much over night!

Tiger well done on your blasts - but sorry to hear of your ailing bumholio! Work stuff all sounds like a good way to take your mind off dog-omens and other 2ww madness.

Robber really pleased for the hb at your scan - as for the measurements, this is all part of the mind-fuckery of early scans. They're measuring something so incredibly tiny that the difference between 4 days' gestation this way or that at this point is fractions of a millimetre and impossible to measure accurately. At this stage it could mean nothing at all - it's just one point on a graph. Hang in there & good luck for next scan.

Tiger that's fantastic, it is really nice to hear someone's transfer was a positive experience. I'm jealous your cold symptoms have gone (though admittedly not an ideal way of getting rid of them). Mine are dragging on and on, DH says I sound like snorkelling walrus.

Bip thanks so much, you've got so much experience and knowledge of this stuff I found it really reassuring to read your post. Next scan is on the 20th, so not too far away. How are your symptoms now, are you less sick?

Wave to everyone else.

Tiger fab on blasts aboard and my step sons dog was very loving to me after ivf

Just laid head on stomach. As if sensed something ......

robber huge congrats on the scan news - that is a massive milestone. One foot in front of the other - but a very very good step forward. Agree with everything already said - the measurements are so variable that a few days here and there will probably change all the bloody time, so this doesn't necessarily mean anything sinister whatsoever. Your DH's theory is very likely bang on! Although I realise that your mind will be running riot. Someone gave me some good advice - to say to yourself 'today I am pregnant'. And worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. Easier said than done I realise!

tiger congrats on ET but very sorry about the bumholio. I am totally stealing that as a most excellent addition to my vocabulary

bip hope you & DH (and the cats) are settling into the new house and that you've hopefully been able to decompress a little after the week you guys have had

bean thinking anti bastard cyst shaped thoughts

Well today would have been my due date, feel strangely numb about it all. It is what it is really. First day at new job today and as always it's 'here's a desk, just gotta dive into a Monday morning team meeting, will get you started as soon as I'm out'. So I'm pissing about on mumsnet on my phone until I can get going!

Got my nails done at the weekend to try and feel less like a professional infertile, and feel a bit more polished - to try and fake being a senior professional at a trendy Internet company. When I feel neither senior, nor professional, and definitely not trendy. Quite a lot of cramping and spotting which I'm hoping is the coil generating that inflammatory reaction we're hoping for. And silver linings - I can now blitz my PCOS acne with chemical warfare, using all the toxic lotions and potions you're not allowed to use when TTC. So, swings and roundabouts eh?

BTW trigger warning - this will make you cry, but it's such a heartbreakingly beautiful expression of the pain of infertility and miscarriage, that I think you'll appreciate it. Worth a watch. Albeit with tissues

https://www.facebook.com/FertilityNetworkk_

Non broken link this time:

www.facebook.com/FertilityNetworkUK/videos/1419733351389433/

Hey Banana - thinking of you today & hoping your coil-cramps mean everything's working according to Colin's cunning inflammatory plan. I'm sure you are looking and behaving every inch the trendy senior internet professional, and hope the new project gives you a feeling of being part of the world again, however banal the world generally turns out to be. Having been freelance for so long sometimes I really yearn for some nasty office politics and a perpetually broken photocopier.

Tiger hoping your bum's improving and the cold's finally gone & the progesterone insomnia isn't driving you mad. If it's not one thing it's another.

Hoping you're all hanging in there.