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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Failure stories

949 replies

BipBippadotta · 09/07/2016 13:08

I'm far past the point where I'm interested in fertility success stories. Tales of lucky couples who triumphed over impossible biological odds to have their miracle baby make me want to self-immolate. Help me feel less alone in my utter irreversible barrenness by telling me about all the fertility treatments, supplements, folk remedies, voodoo, etc you've tried, that work for every other fucker on the Internet, but did bugger all for you.

I'll start!

Things that didn't work for us:
Grapefruit juice
Guaifeneisin
COQ10
Acupuncture
Vitamin E
Royal jelly
Wheatgrass
Pycnogenol
Low carbing
Inositol & melatonin
Cutting caffeine and alcohol
L-Arginine
Baby aspirin
Maca
B6
Starflower oil
Soy isoflavones
Clomid for DH (to increase sperm count)
Clomid for me
Clomid & injectables
High doses of antibiotics
Prednisone
IVF with ICSI

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
Blondeshavemorefun · 03/10/2016 23:35

Pea. Sorry this cycle didn't work. And yes I would have bitten head off then each hoof

Bip sorry your dating scan has shown up a hernia

Hopefully the cvs will show its one of the first two senerios you mentioned and not the third

Can understand why you don't want to think there hope due to previous history till you know for sure

Everything crossed for you X

SesameSparkle · 03/10/2016 23:56

Bip Flowers

I'm largely off the infertility threads these days, but stuck this one into my watch list when you started it for a bit of light relief, as it coincided with what now might appear to have been my last cycle.

I want so bad for things to work out for you.

icy121 · 04/10/2016 07:48

Bip lurking & saw your update. I'm so sorry to see that. It's just one fucking thing after another and so sodding unfair. We're all rooting so hard for you and I'm so bitterly disappointed that you still haven't been cut a break. I'm sorry there's nothing we can say or do to make it better x

BipBippadotta · 04/10/2016 07:55

Thanks everyone. And LH sorry I got snappy, I've just had so many experiences when something seems unusual in the course of a pregnancy and I'm brushed off by midwives and doctors and sonographers who tell me not to worry and it's very common and probably absolutely fine - and then the baby's died. I just get really wound up at the suggestion that it will probably all work out when something looks amiss.

I would of course be overjoyed if it really did turn out to be nothing, but there's no point thinking about a happy outcome while it looks so unlikely (FMC data suggests a 24% chance of live birth without gross structural/chromosomal problems after a diagnosis of exomphalos at 11-14 wks).

Good to hear from you again Sesame - how are you doing?

Thanks Albert - the one good thing to come out of this latest experience is that I know for certain that I'm done with this now. In the taxi on the way home from the scan DH announced he's getting a vasectomy so that we are never tempted to ttc ever again.

Hello to everyone else & thanks for your support.

Pea how are you feeling today?

Tiger where are you at with things again?

OP posts:
beanhunter · 04/10/2016 08:07

Bip I only tend to lurk here - I'm sorry to hear your update. I really hope things get sorted in order for you to have definitive answers soon.

Can I join? 1st cycle total failed fertilisation. 2nd cycle (planned icsi) have so far failed to down reg and developed a cyst. In theory we are salvaging with short protocol starting tomorrow but I was up most of the night with lefty sided pain. Desperately hoping it's just the old endo but pretty sure it's not.

icy121 · 04/10/2016 08:18

Bip I don't think you need to apologise. Everyone with infertility has been to some extent dismissed by medical professionals (or friends/family) and we get it.

LHReturns · 04/10/2016 08:31

Bip, you have nothing to apologise for. You are in turmoil and I showed too much interest at the wrong moment.

In no way was I trying to challenge the need for a CVS - if I had been through all you have, I would be having one too for sure. What I was trying to do (badly) was ask whether - given your Panorama result - there is anything you could rightly dismiss or expect from the CVS tomorrow. Eg 'It is very unlikely to be X, but it could be Y or Z'.

Glad you are going to the FMC tomorrow. Isn't Nicolaides himself around on Wednesdays? I hope he can drop into your scan at a good moment.

Thinking of you lots today, and wishing the hours away until you can deal with this.

BipBippadotta · 04/10/2016 08:58

Yes, I will apparently be seeing the Prof himself & need to be prepared for a 3-4 hour wait. At least they have good magazines there. And a hot chocolate machine. I was told he'd have a thorough look around for any other structural anomalies & do a Nuchal measurement (I have of course tried to do one myself based on images from the scan yesterday, but sono was intent on trying to get a 3/4 view of the face - which is creepy as fuck - so the position isn't quite right for seeing the fluid bit). If the NT measurement is normal he may advise against CVS and I'll be sent home to quietly freak out for another few weeks, but if it's abnormal CVS is strongly indicated.

Was also told the risk of MC after CVS can't be entirely ascribed to the procedure itself, as pregnancies where it's performed have a high risk of fatal abnormalities and many would go on to miscarry regardless.

OP posts:
bananafish81 · 04/10/2016 09:09

Bip know that we are all thinking of you and DH and whatever comes out of Weds and whatever you and DH decide (there is no right or wrong answer, the only right answer is whatever you two choose to do as a couple, nothing else matters) we are here for you in, whatever way a load of random Internet barrens can be

In the spirit of the thread, there will be no baby dust or relentless positivity. But there will be quiet, fervent hope from us all on your behalf. Much love and hugs from us to you.

Apols on phone so will miss people in personals

peaop thinking of you. I wholly approve of the biscuit and am silently cheering at the thought of your biting its head off (anyone that eats jelly babies without doing this is clearly a wrongun)

tiger thinking of you as you're on the home stretch!

robber how are you doing? Hope you are keeping (vaguely) sane until the next scan.

My sad anniversary isn't till next week, but thank you for thinking of me. Going in for hysto tomorrow morning, due date isn't till next week. When hopefully (need to gently chase for confirmation) I will be distracted with work.

Tomorrow is an operative hysto so it's done under a general but it's only day case so in and out, so pretty straightforward all being well.

bananafish81 · 04/10/2016 09:14

Also bip I realise the plural of anecdotes is not data, but just to offer one first person account of CVS - a dear friend has had three with three different pregnancies. Whilst the results were not good with the first two, the procedure itself had no impact on the pregnancies. The third CVS happily had much better results and has had absolutely no impact on the pregnancy whatsoever, and all is looking absolutely textbook. I should add that she and her husband are carriers of one of the Jewish genetic diseases and so the likelihood of them having an affected child was unfortunately very high indeed, just to put the 2 TFMR in context

The CVS itself was relatively straightforward and she was told the same as you regarding the risk of the procedure itself. Thinking if you xx

kiwiblue · 04/10/2016 09:28

bip - I also lurk on this thread and just wanted to say that I'm so sorry to hear your news. I'm another mind number that has been rooting for you. I'm thinking of you.

BipBippadotta · 04/10/2016 16:00

Thanks, Kiwi hope you're doing OK.

Loki are you still lurking? When do you get your PGS tests?
Icy how are you doing/feeling?
Robber when's the next scan?

OP posts:
icy121 · 04/10/2016 16:44

bip feeling pretty much permanently anxious and still testing every day (5+4 now). No reason why there should be a problem, daresay I'm classified as low-risk but still mind races. I suppose it's 3 years of nothing doing despite lots of intervention, now something is apparently happening, I can't let go of the previous worry. banana summed it up as a kind of post-infertility ptsd. I also feel like a fraud and that at 5 weeks I'm not really pregnant on the basis it could end at any moment.

Feel like I'm moaning about my pinchy pinchy diamond shoes, because a bfp after IVF/FET is obviously a fantastic position to be in especially compared to the others on here who haven't got that.

tigerdog · 04/10/2016 20:59

Ah bip, wishing you luck for the appointment tomorrow.

icy I'm not sure how I would cope with that terrifying hinterland that is pregnant but shitting it after many years of barrenness. Fingers crossed for your scan. You're doing very well though - hang in there!

Good luck for the hysteroscopy tomorrow banana. Hope it goes ok.

I'm getting a fucking cold, bugger it. Throat kills. Am already sick of the cyclogest up the bum and it's only been three days. It really messes with my system.

RobberBride · 04/10/2016 21:52

Bip like everyone, I'll be rooting for you tomorrow. I hope you and your DH are as ok as is possible in the circumstances Flowers.

Banana lots of luck for tomorrow. Is this the one done by Colin the Caterpillar?! Sorry about the date mixup, I find time warps (sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow) in barrenland.

Pea how are you feeling?

Bean please do join. Have you seen your doc today, do you know what the side pain is by now? I hope you feel better soon.

Tiger good luck for the home stretch! I've also got a stupid cold, despite getting the flu jab in September, you have my sympathy.

Icy, LH started the inbetweeners thread she mentioned on MNBI for 4-8 weekers who can't believe it and are bricking it everyday. Come join not least because LH's food list is amazing.

AFM, good news first - the UTI has officially gone! It only took 4 weeks and two rounds of abs Hmm. I've got my next scan Fri morning, when I'll be 6+5. I'm feeling a bit panicky - I really hope my embryo has caught up to the right size (it was a little bit behind last week) and that there's a fetal pole there. However the nausea kicked in this afternoon, which is distracting me nicely.

beanhunter · 04/10/2016 21:55

Bip and banana all good wishes for tomorrow.
Robber scan not until tomorrow. A lovely dinner with fellow fiend banana and some
Ibuprofen has settled things for now. Will know tomorrow pm if can start stims.

PeaOp · 05/10/2016 10:25

I'm ok ta. Very early night last night due to headache from hell and, right on cue, AF arrived today. Thank god its steak night and I went for my first post cycle run this morning so definitely deserve dessert....

BipBippadotta · 05/10/2016 10:37

Thanks for your good wishes, everyone. Have been Googling so much I don't know what to think anymore so it will be a relief to have someone with some actual medical expertise have a look.

Robber I cannot believe you've had that uti for so long! Glad you're finally rid & good luck for the scan on Fri.

Icy I know the fraudulent feeling; that's one of the reasons I can't bring myself to post on pregnancy threads - I feel like I'm lying. When I'd been ttc for 2 years I used to have this recurring dream that I went around telling all my friends & family I was pregnant, and then panicked because I didn't know how I would keep the pretence going over 9 months. How would I explain the lack of baby at the end? After the stillbirth that came to seem like a horribly prescient dream, and I've felt like I'm living that experience over & over since. Telling people I'm pregnant, and then turning out not to be, in any way that counts in the long run.

I'm not the most appropriate person to say this, being currently pregnant myself, and I don't presume to speak for anyone else and hope I not being smug & infuriating - but I don't see you as complaining about pinchy diamond shoes; I've always found it helpful to hear that becoming pregnant doesn't transport you to a higher realm of blissful womanly fulfillment & earth mother wisdom, and cut you off from the experiences of lesser barrens. Hearing from anxious post-infertility pregnant people also made me realise the anger & disappointment in my body was real, and normal, and quite a big deal - that this experience leaves its mark, and I wasn't just being a self-indulgent miseryguts.

I have 2 friends who managed to have a child / children after 5-8 years of fertility treatments and losses & I couldn't have survived the past couple of years without them. They understand viscerally what I'm going through, and never minimise my pain and anxiety, and never spout meaningless encouraging platitudes. They know that the odds are against people in my situation, and they know what a headfuck it is to try to accept those odds while simultaneously fighting against them. They're very frank about how un-magical and unexciting they found their experience of pregnancy. They don't do that infuriating thing that so many other mothers do of speaking to me as though I'm some sort of perpetual child because I don't have family responsibilities. They talk to me about their children without discomfort or condescension. They treat me like a normal person. They make me feel like I can still be part of humanity even if I never participate in World Book Day or go through the trauma of secondary school applications.They also really value being able to talk to me about their experiences of loss & infertility, as they don't have many other people in their lives who can understand how it still affects them.

Whether or not I end up with a baby, I will treasure my friendships with these women. I also have friends who went through fertility treatment and the whole experience has been wiped from their minds somehow & they do all the annoying things that other people do (i.e. assuming a +HPT = full term baby, assuming that IVF always works because it did for them, gushing about how I mustn't give up because being a mum is he best thing in the world, etc) and they get on my tits along with everyone else. So that's just to say that in my experience a person's empathy & understanding and attitude make all the difference in whether I want to talk to them once they're pregnant or a parent. You're one of the good uns, Icy - you gave us a place to talk & swear & rage about it all & I totally trust you not to become a twat no matter how your luck improves.

Tiger - I'm really sorry about your cold! Just what you need right now I'm sure. Progesterone sucks as well. Why do they make everyone put it up their bum these days? Mine went in frontwards. A bit dribbly but less of that alarming feeling you might unwittingly shit on your own hands.

Bean fingers crossed you get the go-ahead for stims today!

Zippy hope you're doing all right out there.

Off to do a fear-poo now. Nothing like a good dose of a anxiety to get those sluggish bowels moving.

OP posts:
LHReturns · 05/10/2016 10:51

Bip, the very best wishes and warmth to you today. I so hope that Nicolaides' expertise is able to offer the total clarity that you so richly deserve. Flowers

Bean, crossing fingers you can start your very speedy gonzalez short protocol today.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/10/2016 11:42

Icy. I felt the same once got my first bfp after 5 ivf attempts and 10yrs ttc

You want to believe but can't and then worry that something will go wrong - as sadly we read often on these groups that mc happen or baby dies :(

Horrible for anyone but seems worse for those who did ivf as maybe that was their final chance

It's not if we can have sex following month and fall naturally

Sorry that was a bit of a woffle

I just worry something will happen to my bubs :(

When is you scan date? Assume in the next week? Hopefully a beating heart and sac will reassure you

Bip. Thinking of you today - nothing else I can say apart from hope it will be positive news

Banana. Also thinking of you today

Robber hope size has caught up in next scan

Tiger speedy recovery with cold

Zippybear · 05/10/2016 14:23

Hey bip I'm grand lurking on and off at the min. After consultation with dr ramsay dh is having a varicocoele embolisation on Friday (eek! I much prefer being the one who is being messed with, it's hard on the other side ) fingers crossed it helps our dna fragmentation in time for my December cycle, might be cutting it a bit fine but the clinic wouldn't allow us to defer a month.
Your last post is so beautifully written (as always!). Wishing you all the best for today. Everything crossed here for miraculous good news
Hope hysto went well banana and yay on clearing the uti robber I've got one too and couldn't get a drs appointment, I ordered abs online from SuperDrug in the end!!
Waves to everyone else!

BipBippadotta · 05/10/2016 17:57

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LHReturns · 05/10/2016 18:04

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!

I am welling up here, Bip - you enjoy this lovely moment!!!!

Yes!!! Congratulations!!!

LHReturns · 05/10/2016 18:05

Douchebaggery - def my new word....tell us more when you have time!!

beanhunter · 05/10/2016 18:12

That's such brilliant news!