Thanks for your good wishes, everyone. Have been Googling so much I don't know what to think anymore so it will be a relief to have someone with some actual medical expertise have a look.
Robber I cannot believe you've had that uti for so long! Glad you're finally rid & good luck for the scan on Fri.
Icy I know the fraudulent feeling; that's one of the reasons I can't bring myself to post on pregnancy threads - I feel like I'm lying. When I'd been ttc for 2 years I used to have this recurring dream that I went around telling all my friends & family I was pregnant, and then panicked because I didn't know how I would keep the pretence going over 9 months. How would I explain the lack of baby at the end? After the stillbirth that came to seem like a horribly prescient dream, and I've felt like I'm living that experience over & over since. Telling people I'm pregnant, and then turning out not to be, in any way that counts in the long run.
I'm not the most appropriate person to say this, being currently pregnant myself, and I don't presume to speak for anyone else and hope I not being smug & infuriating - but I don't see you as complaining about pinchy diamond shoes; I've always found it helpful to hear that becoming pregnant doesn't transport you to a higher realm of blissful womanly fulfillment & earth mother wisdom, and cut you off from the experiences of lesser barrens. Hearing from anxious post-infertility pregnant people also made me realise the anger & disappointment in my body was real, and normal, and quite a big deal - that this experience leaves its mark, and I wasn't just being a self-indulgent miseryguts.
I have 2 friends who managed to have a child / children after 5-8 years of fertility treatments and losses & I couldn't have survived the past couple of years without them. They understand viscerally what I'm going through, and never minimise my pain and anxiety, and never spout meaningless encouraging platitudes. They know that the odds are against people in my situation, and they know what a headfuck it is to try to accept those odds while simultaneously fighting against them. They're very frank about how un-magical and unexciting they found their experience of pregnancy. They don't do that infuriating thing that so many other mothers do of speaking to me as though I'm some sort of perpetual child because I don't have family responsibilities. They talk to me about their children without discomfort or condescension. They treat me like a normal person. They make me feel like I can still be part of humanity even if I never participate in World Book Day or go through the trauma of secondary school applications.They also really value being able to talk to me about their experiences of loss & infertility, as they don't have many other people in their lives who can understand how it still affects them.
Whether or not I end up with a baby, I will treasure my friendships with these women. I also have friends who went through fertility treatment and the whole experience has been wiped from their minds somehow & they do all the annoying things that other people do (i.e. assuming a +HPT = full term baby, assuming that IVF always works because it did for them, gushing about how I mustn't give up because being a mum is he best thing in the world, etc) and they get on my tits along with everyone else. So that's just to say that in my experience a person's empathy & understanding and attitude make all the difference in whether I want to talk to them once they're pregnant or a parent. You're one of the good uns, Icy - you gave us a place to talk & swear & rage about it all & I totally trust you not to become a twat no matter how your luck improves.
Tiger - I'm really sorry about your cold! Just what you need right now I'm sure. Progesterone sucks as well. Why do they make everyone put it up their bum these days? Mine went in frontwards. A bit dribbly but less of that alarming feeling you might unwittingly shit on your own hands.
Bean fingers crossed you get the go-ahead for stims today!
Zippy hope you're doing all right out there.
Off to do a fear-poo now. Nothing like a good dose of a anxiety to get those sluggish bowels moving.