The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Congratulations kiwi! Very happy for you! ironidiffing at its finest!

We were advised to have a dna fragmentation test when our records were sent to the clinic. Mr Meh did it and we found that he has a high percentage of dna fragmentation and IMSI was recommended. At egg collection Mr Meh had to give 2 samples - my understanding is that they struggled to find normal sperm. We were told that if they found enough normal sperm they will use IMSI - it's a powerful microscope to pick out the best (or prettiest!) sperm.

Fucking fucking cancer and radiotherapy.

I'm doing ok, it's safe to say we are eating our emotions...think I will ride it out for a while!

A friend of mine tagged me on the trailer for bridget Jones baby...Ffs.

Re my friend drama, I haven't spoken to her since the other day, she hasn't been in touch either. This sounds awful but she has become really rubbish since she got pregnant and had her kid.

Good luck with the ET Laura

Hope everyone is ok, Happy Easter! I'll try and catch up with everyone else soon.

Congrats kiwi brilliant news. I'm off to google and book the longest flights from the UK

Delurking to say a massive congratulations to kiwi! Glad to see some good news and an ironidiff to boot.

I'm sorry things are still so shit for so many. I've been keeping up but not managing to post much. Infertility is just so fucking unfair. I am mostly finding solace in wine and chocolate after a few months off booze. My second IVF cycle failed spectacularly last week, I couldn't even get to the test date before my body rejected the two lovely looking blastocysts. Back to the mind numbing boredom that is infertility.

After abut of advice if possible ladies? I've woken up today feeling horrific. Feel nauseous but then hungry, have to keep dashing to the loo and feel all hot and feverish. I also have brown spotting and awful cramps so AF is in her way. My clinic said to expect AF to be heavier and more painful than usual, but could these other symptoms be from the hormone crash? I don't think it's a bug as I haven't actually been sick. Xx

Sounds exactly like what I've just been through this week sammy. Agony on the cramps front, upset stomach and nausea. God knows if it's normal, but I suspect it is hormone related. So sorry that your cycle didn't work too.

Thanks Tiger. As if we haven't been through enough with failed cycles, feeling poorly and horrific period pain on top just seems cruel.

Was yours a fresh or FET? Sorry for you as well. Xx

How long did it last Tiger? Xx

Sammy and tiger sorry to hear you're feeling rough, especially after what you've been thru and over a nice long weekend :(

Since EC I've had pretty bad stomach pains just on my left side, feels like trapped wind maybe, and I'm so so constipated - I just keep drinking and had the forethought to bring a hot water bottle with me here!

It just feels like the worst longest drawn out process in the world and I'm feeling particularly bitter today at having to put my body through it, let alone the thought of -in all likelihood- of doing it all over again in the future :(

Happy Easter militant barrens

Apols if you've already all seen this - it's not quite glittery dog shit but it is glittery rainbow unicorn shit:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YbYWhdLO43Q

Seemed quite appropriate!

Kiwi Congratulations! Really pleased for you. Tiger & Sammy sorry you're feeling shit on top of everything else. Laura are you still in Czech on your own? Got fingers crossed everything goes well for your transfer and you're home soon where you can poo normally be comfortable again.

I seem to have had a quick and efficient early miscarriage - 2.5 days of torrential bleeding and suddenly nothing. I am feeling pretty happy. Today it struck me that, in the past 18 months, the most relaxed I've ever been is after a miscarriage, when I don't know when the next cycle starts. For a few weeks I live my life the way I imagine other people do. And it's so nice. The fact that I feel positively carefree in the aftermath of a pregnancy loss (well, an early one) tells me something about how fucking miserable I must be the rest of the time when I'm 'trying'. Another argument for giving up, methinks.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

Hahaha Banana that's hilarious browses Amazon immediately

Bip yep am still in CR, all alone. Starting to resemble a vampire having not stepped out of my room for more than 20 mins in the last 2 days. Transfer is tomorrow and can't seem to sleep, but at least I'll be seeing daylight. Can't believe DH has had to go, what if I get bad news that none made it to blasto? Also still in pain, and wondering how much pain ET is?? Can't be too bad can it, if I've made it this far?

I'm glad you're feeling content and happy, you seem to be leading yourself to a conclusion. You'll know when enough is enough.

Happy Easter everyone - if you haven't gone off chocolate by the end of tomorrow you clearly haven't eaten enough and I'll be disappointed in your lacking efforts.

Laura - ET is no problem. A little uncomfortable, but not painful. You'll be fine

Hey Laura, well done for sticking it out alone. I had ET by myself (although I hadn't had the previous four days imprisoned in a hotel room like you have!) and it was fine. EC was agony, ET was fine. Uncomfortable, but no pain after. Best of best of best of luck for tomorrow.

Sammy/tiger - hope you're feeling better soon.

This Easter I'm at my parents house with my husband and MIL and FIL. How bad could it be? We've already had the obligatory baby bomb. FIL announced that one of DH's cousin's is pregnant. We only went to their wedding in august. Fertile fuckers! I wasn't upset by the announcement, I just thought how boringly fucking predictable. But there was a moment when FIL beemed "X has happy news!" then caught MIL's eye, looked at me, stuttered and toned it down. So glad we've now introduced awkwardness and mass awareness of my infertility into family gatherings.

Happy chocolate day tomorrow everyone!

Good luck laura
I was told ET felt like a smear, but to be honest I found it much less uncomfortable than a smear, because I didn't even feel the catheter going on - vs the horrible mascara wand-esque swabbing of the cervix when you have a smear. The most uncomfortable bit is when the speculum is cranked open ie not painful at all

Transfer is pretty magical tbh - for all the shite we have to go though, us IVF fiends do get to see a photograph of our potential future child just 3 or 5 days post conception. Which is quite a privilege tbh. Make sure you ask for a copy of the photo or ask them to let you take a photo before they load it up into the catheter (I am assuming in CR they show you the embryo on screen before loading, so you can check the name and DOB on the petri dish?)

Good luck!

Happy egg scoffing day everyone.

laura best of luck today!! Thinking of you.

We are just off to the station to catch the train to London... Hopefully storm Katie won't strike me down while there as need to ring the clinic prob Tuesday to book consent appointment.
I have decided I am going to fall off the wagon for the next few days. I need some Dutch courage to cope with the month ahead.So tea with caffeine and beer with alcohol is going to be consumed for the next 48 hours. how dull my life has been recently is shocking

Good luck today Laura

I'm feeling much better thank you, looking forward to a yummy roast and choccy eggs at my mums today.

Potatoes, that sucks. The awkwardness is worse than the general baby chatter imo. Still, at least today you can stuff your face with chocolate.... That's what I'm going to do! Xx

Happy Easter everyone!

Oh Potatoe, it's never ending isn't it?! As we're in 2ww we decided to stay in London rather than heading to see our families -where our siblings and cousins have all managed to produce masses of kids and there's another one soon make an arrival... Nope, not my idea of fun. Instead I'm doing very little of anything other than watching sky box sets and stuffing my face with chocolate.

Good luck today laura and congratulations kiwi!

banana yes it is quite emotional isn't it, seeing this tiny ball of cells that might hopefully be a baby one day. I was quite surprised by how I felt. Although one week into 2ww, my head is now full of negative thoughts and I just can't help feeling it hasn't worked. Need to stop looking at Google!

F You MN!! Just wrote personals to all of you and they have vanished!!
I'll try again

Hey all!

I'm back in my prison of a hotel room! We got 2 blastos - 1 was a perfect grade A and the other slightly less perfect and so we opted to put both back in! Thanks for all your reassurances re ET, it really wasn't bad or painful and it was lovely to see those 2 blastos on the screen before they were brought straight from the fridge! Missed the chance for a photo tho :( never mind. They played 'Come What May' from Moulin Rouge as I was laying there afterwards - thought I was going to cry hysterically...

I've decided that I'm now pregnant until a piss stick tells me otherwise!

Also - hurrah - DHs sperm has apparently gone superman status?! If you remember he's had 3 tests - first count was 1.2m, then 1.8m, then 4m and on collection day this week it was an astounding 21.7m!!!! WTF??!?! So he's very happy about that - I credit the CoQ10 for that one...

So, join me please ladies for the next 2 weeks of craziness as I wait to test on 10.4.16....

Finally, the treatment I've just had cost roughly £2300 (depending on exchange rate) and I thought the clinic have been marvellous. I've certainly given them a share of my crazy and they've dealt with me patiently and there were no hidden extras when I came to pay. Whatever happens, I can definitely recommend Reprofit to you all if you choose the abroad route!

congrats on the BFP kiwi was lovely to see that on my return. Hope you're managing to contain your excitement whilst on your break.
bip was sorry to read you was questioning whether to continue with another cycle or not. That's is one hell of a discision to make. Glad you have some clarity and feel a little at ease after the MC. How is DH now? Couldn't believe he was sick on your holiday.....your lucky break better be on its way.
laura hope you can relax after ET and it went perfectly. When will you be leaving for home? Hope you did manage an embryo pic for your DH. Take it easy now.
sammy feeling any better? How shit that our bodies put us through all of this. Do we have to be super woman every step of the way?
potatoes will you be having a wee tipple whilst at the in laws? Please do, baby bombs and in laws not really the best combo. You are right about these fertiles...how predictable.
banana I've never thought of how amazing ET could be. Us IVF fiends should bask in that moment after all we have been through to get there. If I am lucky enough to do it, I will remember what you said.
meh are you and DH still having a good feast? Hope so. Your "friend" should be ashamed of herself. Just a few kind words are all it takes to reassure someone that you are there for them best you can be. I hope she feels awful for neglecting your friendship.
karla please share your caffeinated tea experience! It's been soooo long since my last caffinated hot beverage! Alcohol is also a distant memory. Do enjoy it before the madness starts!
Hello newbies. annie hope the2ww isn't killing you? Is OTD near? Hiding from fertiles at this time sounds like a plan!
claire hello, I am a massive house of cards fan. Kind of mad at my self that I've already finished the new season.Have you watched Scandal too? A bit OTT but I like it. I sometime get confused with these shows and what is actually happening in reality! The president of USA is Obama (soon to be trump!) and not Kevin Spacey!

AFM my home is now Spick and span. Loving my new decor and lazy mornings off work, wouldn't be able to do all this with kids! So I'll take that for now.
Also had our IVF briefing from the consultant.
Kind of scared me a little. He stated we had a 50/50 chance of it working due to our age and other factors.
Also talked about how in natural conception only 15% of a "fertile" woman's eggs if she ov'd montly are suitable to sustain a pregnancy. Blew my mind a bit. Apparently our uterus is very good at detecting an abnormal embryo and that's why in some circumstances a MC can occur even if the cycle and the embryo seemed perfect.
His points where very matter of fact and straight to the point. I have very mixed feelings about starting this now! Still got millions of consent forms to fill out and have some blood tests etc etc blah blah this shit is never ending!

Sorry for the long post and my absence.
Happy Easter ladies...we all now what type of egg we would of liked this year! (Awful joke)

Yay Laura that sounds really positive. Happy Easter EC to you! Glad you were happy with your cycle, it seems a great place to do it. Plus you're definitely now PUPO!

Annie fx for you during the rest of the sodding 2ww. Step away from Google (she says, massively hypocritically).

Karla hope you're having fun in London! The weather is being pretty mental but hopefully you're seeing some of the sun amongst the blustery hailstorms I just got caught in.

Pebbles it's a lot to take in but 50/50 is actually pretty good odds. Do you think you'll go for it? It's such a long winded process but the actual treatment goes quite quickly I found.

When you hear about the odds for natural conception it totally blows my mind that anyone ever gets diffed from just having some sex. And yet the fuckers do.

Wishing everyone else much chocolate and no more bloody baby bombs this weekend.

Ugh obvs meant ET, sorry Laura!

Hello! Can I hop on (get it? Easter bunny joke!) starting ICSI on 11th April and I'm super excited/nervous/terrified and my life has gone into limbo! I have stopped working for now ( I'm a supply teacher) but feel like all I do is wait and wait and wait! I can't even get drunk to take the edge off. I'm massively grateful for having ivf, for being able to take some time off but I feel like I'm a plane circling the airport waiting for permission to land. Anyone else? Xx

Yay Laura glad it all went really well! That's great news about the sperm.

Daft question but what is CoQ10? I'm wondering if it can work a miracle on Mr Meh.

Today's question on my mind is what would life be like if we all got pregnant like everyone else? Without every single fucking hurdle that all of us have to go through. I think I better just go and eat more chocolate!

pebbles I agree, think I am going to go back to not really talking to her and hiding behind work (she's abroad and so we email everyday). I will see her in a couple of months but hopefully by then she'll be less rubbish.

Another daft question - is it worth researching other clinics? Where do you start? How do you find clinics abroad? I think we were going to stick with our clinic...I think I'm in need of doing something instead of waiting!