Trying for no.2 for 3.5 years, should I just give up & be grateful for what I have?

[mumtosammy]

Have been trying for no2 since my ds was 1.5, he’s now turning 5. The only fertility issue they can find is that I don’t always ovulate, and clomid treatment this year has resulted in 2 conceptions (both ended in miscarriage). Now got one round of clomid left of the six months they give you. Beyond that the consultant will just refer me to ivf. I’m 37.
I’ve always been worried about the age gap which is now nearly 6 years if we were successful next month. I don’t know how that would work. I still feel so much that I want another one but find the treatment and the uncertainty about the future so hard.
So my question is – wwyd? Accept you are only able to have one and try to move on? Or keep going as far as you can go to get another one, pay out £4000 and go through ivf?

Sounds like Clomid has worked quite well for you, why are you limited to six goes with that? I don't know much about it, are there risks associated with it? could you push for more of that rather than IVF? Maybe with a private consultant?

Really sorry to hear you've had two miscarriages this year, that's really tough. It's horrible.

Regarding the age gap, there's six years between my sister and I, we got I on fine most of the time and still do now.

There are other options besides Clomid, before IVF - Letrozole, for eg. I don't think the 'no more than 6 months of Clomid' is a hard and fast rule, it's just that it tends to stop working eventually. If it continues to make you ovulate I don't see why they couldn't continue to prescribe it to you for longer.

I wouldn't worry about the gap. I have a 7 year old and a 3 month old. The 7 year old is completely smitten.
I wouldn't give up entirely.. You have at least been conceiving. Why not give your body a rest and see what happens naturally.

I'm sorry you've been struggling. I'm afraid no one can answer your question except you your and your partner. We have a 5 year old son (conceived naturally) and a 3 month old son who was conceived with donor egg IVF. So that's what we did in similar circumstances (although I did ovulate but had low ovarian reserve and 3 failed cycles of natural IVF before we moved to donor eggs). But it's not necessarily the right choice for everyone.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I would push for further investigations re: the miscarriages - after all, you've successfully conceived twice so I can't see what else IVF would do for you. Have they done any tests to look at your blood clotting, thyroid, etc? There's lots that can be done to help sustain a pregnancy once they know what the problem is.
Good luck

thanks so much for your messages everyone.
Lots of good points about IVF not being necessarily the only option. It’s the only option the NHS consultant will offer me (and she’s been very clear on that, and the fact there’s no more clomid). I think the next step is to get referred to a private consultant and talk to them about other options. IVF feels like using a sledge hammer to crack a nut to me. Thanks for all your advice and for sharing your stories too.