The mind numbing boredom of infertility

[icy121]

Two years. Month in, month out, and no change. I'm finding a huge part of this whole nightmare is trying to cope with the boredom. I bore myself incessantly googling variations of the same question, staying up late at night to the glow of an iPad, reading more and more obscure medical research abstracts. Asking my doctor friend if I can borrow her password so I can see whether the BMJ has any updates from last week. It's fucking monotonous. Nowhere else in my life have I had to strive so hard to get absolutely nowhere.

I don't talk to friends about it, they don't want to hear it and frankly I've cried too many times when it's come up for them to have any sympathy left. They're bored. So we just ignore and and plod on, except I'm not bloody plodding on. I'm wallowing side to side and achieving absolutely fuck all. And secretly dreading the fact they're all getting married and their babies will be on the horizon. I'm going to lose my friends.

I decided not to put my life on hold, got a new job in a small firm, booking holidays but it all feels very empty because what I'm really doing is waiting. And it's so fucking tedious.

Angelica, what a fucking terrible year you've had. My heart goes out to you. Are you keeping going or having a break?

Potatoes Well done on egg collection... that's one more shit hurdle cleared. When do you find out how it went?

Got karyotype results today - the report said DH and I are 'apparently genetically normal' (apparently?!). Oddly I don't feel like celebrating.

So sorry you've had a shite year angelica

How are you feeling potatoes?

Congratulations bip.. Waiting for hallmark to release their "congratulations on your normality" and "hey! You're average!" Line for us any day now

Frac I love your test!

Got baby bombed on Facebook by a friend announcing their pregnancy at three weeks. I've slung my toys out of the pram and deleted the bloody app. Have an appointment at the fertility dept next week after ten months of waiting for it and time has officially stopped moving!

Argh Potatoes egg collection hurts a lot?! Fucking brilliant! Stabbing, poking, prodding, scraping, paying bill after bill after bill and a 42% success rate for women my age! I cannot fucking wait for my referral to come through. Get the fuck in.

Hey Angelica sorry your life has been made shitter recently. Come, sit here and be bitter and stew.

Well done Biscuits FB is for cunts showing off. Fuck em all.

Nothing constructive or interesting to add today. Can feel my period getting ready definitely not fervently hoping that I'll be the woman who has a month off monitoring and trying, gets stressed into herpes outbreak and then magically diffs so these might be early symptoms so that's nice.

Huh. Fed up. Got a sainsbo delivery this evening, lots of yum food and I've been good all day so going to much the fuck out of it all.

How about a dog shit rolled in glitter? Baby dust THIS [lobs it like a grenade]

Just paracetamol. I feel fucking awful. Hopefully better tomorrow morning. fractious it was sedation. I had a polyp removal last year under GA on the nhs and honestly that was a better experience, although I think it's a simpler procedure.

I love the sushi test!

bip... "apparently genetically normal" - is that an insult or a compliment? Why can't they just speak to us like real people????

By the way sorry don't mean to put anyone off. Maybe I'm just having a bad experience. But seriously make sure you have sometime with you, the most I can do is go to the loo. I need help sitting up, getting a drink etc. Chocolate and hot water bottle essential. I could murder a gin but that's not allowed. Bit fuddled still sorry for missed questions. Find out tomorrow how many / if any eggs have fertilised.

Potatoes do you know how many eggs they got? Could you be slightly overstimulated? It sounds much like I felt after mine, and I had OHSS. I don't want to scare you, just don't want you to leave it untreated if it's a possibility. Xx

FUCKING HELL I lost you all again for a few days - MN really doesn't like letting me watch my favourite thread!

Quick catch up then: satirical cat - fucking epic; dogsnet - I'm all over it (my sausage dog would sound great moaning about his dinner); joint waiting areas for the barren and the preggos - gave up and went private; hen party - you've got it covered; newbies - Hello [waving]!

Going to a baby shower against my will and better judgement this weekend - did you know Waterstones sell fucking 'Congratulations on your baby shower' cards?! WTF? I have to congratulate someone on having a party to gather presents?! I repeat - WTActualF?

Lauraqc I've seen cards like that in clintons and in M&S (and have had to buy them for work collections - judgey and cynical, me? No..)

18 follicles, Eleven eggs. Don't think I was overstimulated, they did blood tests and stuff. I think it's just the number of times they went in to "aspirate the follicles". Urgh.
I felt a bit better after I had a poo (tmi even for this thread?) so maybe was just wind and stuff moving about inside.
DH has the number of the on call doc in case I look like i'm getting a temperature/infection.

Good to see you back laura, however the news that there is such a thing as a baby shower card is distressing to say the least! What is that about?

Night all.

So what the fuck? I thought this thread had fizzled away, it wasn't showing in my 'threads I'm on'.

Good, glad they monitored you and congrats on all those eggs!

My OHSS didn't show up until after EC and symptoms were mainly nausea and extreme abdominal discomfort (driving over bumps in the road was horrific!). Fx you start feeling better soon, but if not do give them a call as there's an amazing drug called cabergoline that makes such a difference! Xx

Potatoes, that's a good haul of eggs! Fingers crossed for good news re: fertilisation today, and hope the pain's subsided. Everything's better after a good poo.

Laura good luck with the baby shower this weekend - you're a brave woman.

Frac loving the glittery dog shit! The stars are a v special touch.

+OPK yesterday - first since miscarriage, last before IVF. We ceremonially fired the spunk cannon, honouring the last, sad voyage of DH's wonky 7-headed sperms towards my crinkly old eggs.

Oh bless you and htank you all, I bloody love this thread . Glittery dog shite for everyone!

Bip I'm so sorry to read about everything you've gone through, although your last post did make me chuckle .

Potatoes sorry to hear you're in pain - I had 11 eggs collected my last round and I was the same; I think the more eggs you get the more it hurts shudders at 'aspirate'. Good luck for the phone call from the embryologist!

Biscuits FB is totally for cunts, don't blame you for deleting it. I'm the same with Whatsapp - I hadn't been on it for a couple of months as all I get is baby pics from friends and group pregnancy announcements. I looked at it last weekend and saw that a friend had set up a group message to announe her pregnancy on CHRISTMAS FUCKING DAY. Glad i missed that one, I think my phone would have ended up in the oven.

Fractious Yes, I think counselling would be good for us. DH wan't to do it together, but I think I'd rather go separately as there are things I don't want ot say in front of him. He's been amazing through all of this, but I feel I readlly need to vent and will probably break down in a way that would upset him. At hte very least, I feel like I need some coping mechanisms for dealing with everyday life!

We're taking a break for the first half of this year, saving up and doing a private round prob Aug/Sept. Luckily (HAH) all four rounds so far have been NHS funded (2 x fresh ICSI, 2 x frozen rounds) - however, the downside for us is that NHS-funded rounds are very prescriptive, so if it doesn't work for reasons they can't immediately figure out (eg not producing enough eggs), there's not a lot they can/will do in terms of investigations or doing extra stuff to help. I always gets lots of eggs that fertilise and get to blastocyst stage, lining is good, they pop them back in and then for some reason they either don't stick or I get a chemical. It's so frustrating, I jsut feel like I@m broken.

The sickening thing is, we've been together 12 years (since I was 18), so I spent the majority of our relationship desperately trying not to get pregnant, all through uni, starting career, etc. We never ONCE thought it would be this hard to start a family -we naively thought it would be a question of coming off the pill and BAM, we would be instadiffed.

Hindsight's a fucking wonderful thing, isn't it?

hello hello again ladies.

Wow so much has happened, thanks to those who have made me feel welcome.

I told my SIL (who I am pretty sure hates me), only because she has made comments for many years so I figured fuck it...she was surprisingly nice about it all (there's a part of me that wonders if she's bitching behind my back - both her and my brother have form for this!). I did get the whole "you have to be positive about it" I had to bite my tongue and tell her to shut up!

I am going away this weekend with a friend, which I cannot wait for, so excited to be away, just hope the infertility crazy does not follow me...ah who am I kidding, it probably will!

I start sniffing next week, can't believe I'm actually going to start this bloody treatment!

Hello all. I feel a LOT better today. Clearly it was the poo that did it. A friend told me she had Morphone after EC. Fuck knows why I got paracetamol. It's not even NHS so no reason to scrimp! (Grumble)

Six fertilised embryos, phew. Waiting for decision on day 3 / 5 for transfer and trying not to forget progesterone pessaries now.

Thank you all for your concern / interest.

Love the glittery dogshit. Might make that my screensaver.

Good luck to all this weekend whether it's baby showers (urgh), trying not to put your phone in the oven (haha), or wonky spunk cannons (love that analogy!)

Fantastic on the embryos!! Also golad you're feeling better potatoes it's amazing what a good poo can do to lift your mood.

I've got pms nausea (standard) in for a GREAT weekend

Loving the spangly dog turd - perfect for aiming at the baby dust brigade. Hit them in the ovaries.

icy...

Haha karla I can relate! Disgustingly my mate made homemade chapattis once and it looked not dissimilar to a cyst-covered ovary! Joys of pcos.

So on top of mild nausea and odd smells, I now have a metallic taste in mouth. My shit body had done this to me before. In about September 2014 I had the same and I was convinced this is it. I punched the wall HARD whilst sobbing in the shower that time. Fool me once, shit body, fool me once.

Still smirking at the militaristic spunk cannon image :D

Can I join ladies? Have lurked on here a while and just feel that you all seem to be in the same frame of mind as me . Am 30 been trying for 6 years went to GPs after 2 years was told I was too young to worry about not getting pregnant . Eventually 2014 finally got taken seriously went for ultrasound got told had a uterine polyp and ovarian cyst got polyp removed in November 2015 . Also got told had low Amh 6.3 but not to worry because I'm still ovulating ? Thought getting polyp removed might help but yet again after being 3 days late got AF just so pissee off with it all sick of hearing about other peoples pregnancies and kids and feel like Giving it all up . Have unfollowed nearly all people on my Facebook who have kids and feel like no one in real life I know has a clue about how shit infertility is .

Hey Chocolate you're in the right place. No encouraging positivity here. Just cold hard fucking realism bordering on existentialism!

Sorry to hear the docs have been so shit. They can be utter twats if you're younger. Think you're neurotic and they just can't be arsed. Read professor Robert Winston's latest book on conception - there are so many things to consider/things that could be causing it.

No one in real life DOES know what it's like. They can't fucking engage even the tiniest amount in some basic empathy. If your dog had cancer you'd be getting more bloody support. They're all selfish, self-centres fuckers. I now hope that friends who are planning to start have the same trouble. No one can help their feelings eh?!

Well chocolate you are welcome to vent and share your anger at the world on here. No offence taken by any of us (apart from if you throw baby dust instead of one of fractious' sparkly turds)
Infertility is shite, we all agree on that!
6 years is a long time... It's been just over 2 for us and that seems long enough.
But, as a friend said to me - in fact it was a male friend and it's the only comment I have received so far that meant anything! and that was 'well done you for persevering'.