The mind numbing boredom of infertility

[icy121]

Two years. Month in, month out, and no change. I'm finding a huge part of this whole nightmare is trying to cope with the boredom. I bore myself incessantly googling variations of the same question, staying up late at night to the glow of an iPad, reading more and more obscure medical research abstracts. Asking my doctor friend if I can borrow her password so I can see whether the BMJ has any updates from last week. It's fucking monotonous. Nowhere else in my life have I had to strive so hard to get absolutely nowhere.

I don't talk to friends about it, they don't want to hear it and frankly I've cried too many times when it's come up for them to have any sympathy left. They're bored. So we just ignore and and plod on, except I'm not bloody plodding on. I'm wallowing side to side and achieving absolutely fuck all. And secretly dreading the fact they're all getting married and their babies will be on the horizon. I'm going to lose my friends.

I decided not to put my life on hold, got a new job in a small firm, booking holidays but it all feels very empty because what I'm really doing is waiting. And it's so fucking tedious.

Happy New Year ladies!! Fingers crossed and legs wide open that this year is better than last!!
Hope that everyones treatment goes well, everyone embarking on tests and waiting for appointments get some positive news.
Would be great to hear some success this year, only place where I except/don't mind a baby bomb!
Having the laziest of days, much needed.

Xxx

HNY all. I had a gang of uni mates round ours and it was raucous and boozy and excellent. They're not at ttc stage thank fuck, prolly only got a year or two left before I have to cut them all off as I'm sure they'll instadiff.

Bip Christ 2015 sounds absolutely fucking horrendous. Thank you for the advice though, if I were to get pregnant I'll definitely follow your advice. No baby groups with self satisfied cunts.

Binge watching box sets today. And yesterday... and tomorrow. Talking myself back into work and determined to nail it. Now time for more crisps.

Wow Bip just read the thread properly. Cannot imagine how that must have felt and I truly admire your strength. Hope you and DH have a year ahead full of more ups than downs.
So glad this thread isn't a ditzy one where woman wish rainbows and sunshine for one another. Glad we are realistic and honest with each other xxxxx

Can I throw in my two pence worth please? I'm absolutely at the end of my tether!

If it wasn't bad enough that my now ex best friend bought me a baby grow for Christmas as a way of announcing HER pregnancy (there's a whole other thread on this) I've since had to deal with FIVE other smug baby bombs in the space of a week! One of them was of the bloody dog in a Moses basket with an eviction notice "only child expiring may 2016" type twee shite nonsense.

I'm totally burnt out. I'm just so sad and angry and fed up of self pity, I actually can't put it into words.

Bored shitless of being infertile.

Aw, thanks for the good wishes, everyone. It makes me want to cry with gratitude that this is a rainbows & babydust-free zone.

Biscuits I saw your other thread! Could not believe the horror & madness of your ex best friend. So sorry about the 5 new baby bombs - way to start the new year. That dog one is particularly awful - read as intended it's twee shite nonsense, read another way it's a macabre announcement that they're having their dog put down .

Bippadotta - I read your dog comment and went back to look at the picture again. I can't stop laughing, the poor mutt looks devastated! Thank you for cheering me up!

Hi Biscuits, have not seen the babygrow thread. I am off to search immediately. Is it in Aibu?

Bip, I think we can safely promise no rainbows or babydust. Thankfully we don't seem to be that way inclined. Thanks for the tip about antenatal groups. Doesn't surprise me to be honest! Good reason to avoid, avoid, avoid.

Sorry frac they've (selfishly) put their last name on the plaque around the dogs neck so don't want to risk it! If I can get my husband to photoshop it out I'll post the pic! (because it's fucking ridiculous and deserves to be ripped to shit IMO)

No potatoes it's on the infertility board, didn't want to be flamed by the baby glitter gang for being a bad friend! Which is ironic!

Hope everyone's not suffering too badly with the Sunday night blues!

Biscuits your ex friend sounds like a totally self-centred and self satisfied twat. What the fuck is wrong with people.
Oh go on, start a flame war with the baby glitter brigade... Troll them hard! We'll all pile in and have your back ;-) sanctimonious instadiffing fuckers, all so holier than thou. Cunts.

Grrrrr.

Work tomorrow and 10% through dry jan (Altho will aim to be dry til IVF - March ish with any luck)

Hey you lot,

You know what? I'm my daily life I'm all for rocking polka dots and glitter (see New Girl with Zooey Deschanel for reference) but when it comes to this stuff I love the bluntness and humour, it's a life saver!

So I had Pollock for dinner (I know you're all giggling) which is odd cos I hate any sort of fish but figured I need to get real about this IVF appt on 13.1. So DH and I sat and filled in a dozen forms and told them my life story. Just hope I get accepted as an egg donor for sharing and we can get the fuck on with it.

Welcome Biscuit haven't seen thread yet but what a cunty ex-best mate to do that. See my Xmas day rankings above re one of my closest mates. Sort of glad she's preggo now cos the hideous wedding dress she had ordered won't fit her now.....

Hello! Scan this morning. Might have egg collection Wed or Thurs. Waiting for confirmation.

Nurse was a bit naughty. There is a trial we've said no to being part of and she gave me the hard sell to be part of it. It involves screening embryos for abnormalities and would mean if we went on to have further cycles from frozen, they'd have been screened. However there is no evidence it helps (that's why it's a trial) and would delay our current cycle by 6-8 weeks. I'd already said no on that basis and she told me it was "short sighted".

I really want to go ahead with this cycle now because we've waited ages and I've got annual leave, no work stress and I'm really relaxed about it all. But she's making me think I'll regret it if this cycle doesn't work out and future frozen embryos aren't screened. Argh.

Still going with now but hope I don't regret it! Would be great if you guys could all tell me that's definitely the right decision

Potatoes Wow, that nurse could work on her bedside manner.

Everything I've read about pgs suggests the benefits only outweigh the risk of damaging embryos during testing if you have a known genetic condition or are nearing 40.

When (/if) I do IVF I will opt for pgs, just because I'm one of the geriatrics & have had a couple of mcs now. I am fully anticipating that the 1-2 month wait to find out if any embryos are normal will send me into psychotic meltdown - which is one of the reasons I'm thinking of not doing IVF at all. If I didn't have a couple of v compelling reasons to test, I'd def do what you've done & get it over with as quickly as possible.

Good luck with egg collection!!

And shame on that nurse for stressing you out like that just before egg collection. What are people like?!

Hey PPB, there's no guarantee you will get any spare that are good enough to freeze, so why delay this cycle on the off chance that may happen? And you sound in a good place for this cycle so go for it. Good luck and I hope your follicles are looking perfect x

So just been on a trip to the Lake District for DH birthday- it seems that I'm not allowed to forget this whole miserable process just for one night.Today woke up to the usual signs of AF. Bastard Mother Nature playing her tricks.
I had a really strong ovulation on Christmas Day. Made me think wow must be a good sign, might just be my turn!. Errrr no chance!
Made the mistake of telling a friend who tried to point out that it could be implantation bleeding and not to be so negative blah blah blah.
This Means that I am now psyching myself up for third and final round of IUI before we have to rob a bank and self fund IVF. We don't get any IVF on the NHS since my FSH level was raising (17 and 11) .. Although I haven't had a month whereby I haven't ovulated, the clinic suggest it's either just very bad luck I'm not pregnant or that the eggs I'm hatching aren't mature enough to be fertilised.
It seems that Every other person on the planet gets a free baby so I feel so resentful that we have to pay unlimited amounts of money to get even close to having one!

Icy.. Baby glitter brigade comment well and truly turned my frown upside down

Bollocks to positive attitude and implantation bleeding. Hope you had a good Christmas shag anyway.

Fractious - can you not just drink 'vodka' and lemonade? That's what I do when I don't want people to know I'm not drinking!

I'm sure a couple of drinks would be okay, but I didn't have anything as I knew I would blame myself because of drinking if it failed. Xx

just had a quick scan through.... Fractious any chance you can pull out of Hen do? Or leave midway through? Or if it's an overnighter - skip the 1st night and show up for breakfast? Or do you have some tablets in a blister pack you can make a big show of taking as an excuse? If you've got metformin for example, drinking with that can fuck your kidneys and put you in a coma.

You ladies are my peoples! There's swearing and all sorts. I am so sorry for the shit you have all been through...I completely get it - our entire married life has been full of drama and we've only been married 4 years! Last year's drama was definitely the infertility crap.

I start ICSI treatment next week on long protocol and have just realised that if it all goes to plan...test date will fall around my birthday, so that will be a great or really hideous day. Joy.

Thanks gus you are the best. Bip, I've been telling myself that - that if it's a trial, they don't yet know if the risk of harm outweighs the benefits. And yes catnip - maybe I won't get any embies to day five nevermind enough to freeze and to test. Thank you.

Fractious - I drank while down regging, AND while stimming! Not loads, but I started stimming on the 23rd. Had a g&t on xmas eve, prosecco on xmas day and a g&t on the 28th. I also had a LOT of N&T (nothing and tonic - tonic with a slice of lemon tastes just like g&t, to you and to others). I find if you start by enthusiastically saying yes to the first drink, it is easier to make susbsequent drinks non alcoholic as people lose count of what you've had. I am a firm believer that we tell ourselves what we want to hear so don't take this as gospel or as advice, but I don't believe couple of of units hurts, it's too little to register really. I also know some people say why take any risk and that is also valid. Like I said, just my opinion.

My consultant told me before I started down regging "there's no need to act like you're pregnant until you know you're pregnant". I asked her what she meant and she said raw eggs, mouldy cheese and a little bit of alcohol over Christmas would be fine (she didn't distinguish between down regging and stimming).

Going to visit my ex-infertility pal who now has a baby today. Steeling myself!

Definitely not sending out hugs or babydust to any of you

Sorry I didn't mean to be pessimistic, obviously I hope you get loads of top notch blastocysts, it's just that nothing is guaranteed in this shitty game. Good luck today with your friend.

Potatoes I'm inclined to agree with you with regard to telling self what you want to hear. I veer towards drinking too much (is it any wonder) so trying to be teetotal now. Another fuckssake element of being bloody barren - not only do the stupid overly fertile lot get free babies, they get fucking pregnant whilst pissed. Brings to mind the first gp woman I saw (cunt) who clearly thought I was neurotic and advised me twice on separate occasions to go to south of France (specifically... Clomid in the water?), "relax" (ha!) and drink too much. I left her a rotten review on the NHS review site thing.