Starting IVF/ICSI this month - anyone want to join the journey?

[Rumplestrumpet]

After over 2.5 years TTC, we're FINALLY about to start our fertility treatment this month (ICSI). My nurse and husband forbade me from chats and forums, but after following MN threads over recent years I think it would be a great help to share the experience with those going through the same thing.

Anyone else want to share the joys/terrors of belly injections, hormonal madness and a series of medical professionals poking around your nether regions?! And, of course, hopefully a BFP at the end of it all

Allchat at this stage I would book an appointment with the doctor, unfortunately everything is money once you show the willing to pay they will answer whatever question and do the appropriate assessment of the situation. Wish you luck and I think it's more some changes in your body after the Ivf and the natural pregnancy, your body needs to understand what is going on!! All the best xxxxx

Thanks. Seeing GP on friday.
I need to just relax. x

Hopefully seeing the doctor will help put your mind at rest fx.

allchat I had a thought. could you phone epu or NHS direct to put your mind at rest?

Nhs direct doesn't exist anymore?!
Had some replies on the pregnancy thread from women who'd experienced and were told it was fine. Feeling bit better. Going to have early night (after slice of cheesecake )

Oh Allchat that sounds so stressful ! I would be completely in two minds - generally I'm against self-prescribing meds, but would also be tempted by the progesterone... I think you just need to be honest with yourself about the situation - Chances are in your favour for a successful pregnancy - they're higher than they were when you went into IVF. if it IS a chemical pregnancy then there's nothing you can do about it. So trust your body to do the right thing - if it's a good embie with no problems then your body will nurture it.
For what it's worth, I still worry every day. I'm counting down to my 8 week scan, and hope that once I hear that heartbeat I will relax. And if there's no heartbeat then I want to have made sure I enjoy this first ever experience of being pregnant.

I have everything crossed for you xx

oh well you know that 111 thing that replaced it. I have no idea what its called lol! cheesecake sounds like a good plan x

Allchat, the corpus luteum actually translates from latin to english to mean 'yellow body'. The reason is that it produces the progesterone yellow in colour. Your progesterone will naturally climb as your pregnancy continues, meaning more yellow progesterone. So I would only see it as a good sign.

I have just come back from my day 6 scan.
L Ovary: Only 2 measly follicles at 11mm and 9mm.
R Ovary: 6 follicles. Largest is 7mm.
Feeling very disappointed. I usually have 16-20 follicles.

They say about 1/2 of the follicles will mature so if I only start with 8, that means only 4 mature eggs.
Or perhaps there was double this amount - say 16 follicles, but she only counted the ones that she thinks were note worthy and have the potential to become mature - so up to 8 mature eggs?
Really just want my next scan already to see which one it is.
Will get a call this afternoon with date and time of next scan.

shell that's sounds really good, I'm sure there is plenty to work with. Got my EC this morning am crapping my pants but will be so glad to get this over with

shell if u normally get 16-20 could it be good that its so different? they may be better quality? at least you don't have the dominant follicles issue this time. please try and stay positive. I know its hard but it dies only take one.

It's going brown. I'm silently panicking and holding back tears. Can't speak to DH yet.
Doc said there is nothing they can do. It's too early to scan. It could go either way.
It's so fucking cruel if this ends like this. I don't know how I'll pick myself up.

Hang in there Allchat . You will cope with this. You have to remember that, unless you have a real flow of red blood, then there is nothing to worry about. That might not stop you worrying, but you should put it into context. There is of course the risk of miscarriage - we are all too aware of that, and our medical team usually like to remind us too. But, once you're pregnant there is MORE OF A CHANCE of a successful pregnancy. That's what you need to remember (and I keep repeating to myself as a mantra).

I panicked when I saw blood ten days ago, and didn't mention it to DH so as not to worry him. Then two days later there was more and I burst into tears one day telling him. He just hugged me and reminded me of the most important thing - we have each other. And we ARE going to have a family. I have no doubt in that. I hope to God our baby will arrive in 7 months - but that might not be the way it's meant to be for us. It might be a few months or even a couple of years later. Whatever happens, whenever it happens, we have each other to support through it and we will get through it.

I was particularly worried about it all last week, and had an accupuncture session - which also turned out to be a mini-counselling session, as I explained my worries. She was brilliant, very reassuring, and told me she would target the right points to get the best circulation to my uterus and give baby the best possible chance. I walked away feeling so much better, confident that I'd done everything I could. If you think it might be helpful to tackle your anxiety then maybe another accupuncture session for you would help?

Thinking of you x

Rumples thank you for taking the time to write such a lovely post. You are a lovely lady.

I didn't know that about the fresh red blood. I thought any blood could mean bad news, but also implantation. I just wish there was nothing. It was nerve wracking enough without this.

I forgot you had blood. Was your red?

I've got acupuncture on Friday. I'm wondering if I should get in touch with her and ask her to do it a day earlier. I think I might.

Your DH sounds a lovely man. My Dh's heart is in the right place and he loves me very much but he finds it hard to prioritise anything over work, so I often fall by the wayside a little.

x

Allchat I hope you are ok? I don't really think there is anything useful I can say at this point, only really echo the others that bleeding is really common in early pregnancy and it is only full red flow accompanied by (waves of) pain that is will really be unrecoverable. I'm thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Shellster do you remember a certain feathered poster in despair over her 6 day scan and was about to cancel her whole cycle? Where you quite rightly said that it was far too early to call and that it only takes one? Well, I hereby repeat your own very wise advice back to you. It is too early to call and it does indeed only take one. I know it is disappointing, but more may well join the party and really, quality is better than quantity, really it is.

Well, it has been an eventful morning at the Hen Coop. It is 4dp5dt (so 9DPO) so I thought it high time that the obsessive POAS commenced in earnest!

The results have been quite interesting, but can be best summarised as 'inconclusive'

Clearblue Digi - Not Pregnant

I also did a FRER which was a bit more troublesome though. BFN in the time limit, but of course I picked it out of the bin an hour later and broke it open (as any sane woman would do) to find a pink line in the right place, but only at the edges (so not all the way across the strip).

As it has dried, there is a definite line (albeit a bit grey), and the pink/purple line at the edges is the same darkness as the control line.

Of all the many many millions of FRERs upon which I have peed over the years (and subsequently broken open), this is the only time I have seen this. Also, I am feeling really quite nauseous.

Thoughts?

...so it looks very similar to this (this isn't mine though)

s47.photobucket.com/user/kukajv/media/poas.jpg.html

Hen you made me chuckle, I can't believe you're POAS already! I held out until 13 days post 5dt, and even then felt like a weakling for having caved before the 14 day mark! I think, in all honesty, you won't get a true POAS result now, either way. I would really try to wait until next week if you can. But I know that's easier said than done. So if you do keep POAS for the next few days, try to take the results with a pinch of salt - you know nothing other than a real line is going to reassure you, but it's not over until at least another 10 days (and even then...)
(Sorry I can't comment on the photo, can't open the link at work).

Allchat sounds like a good idea on the accupuncture. And yes, DH is wonderful, but he also used to be much more wrapped up in work. I had to have some strong words about it at one point, and helped him understand that I needed and valued his support. I think sometime men need reminding of the importance of a hug, a listening, kind ear, and a shoulder to cry on. When they realise that these things are even more valuable than the "practical" fixes they instinctively lean towards, I think it can help them do it more comfortably.

On my blood, (risk of TMI for some) it was a little creamy-brown at first, then more reddy-brown. But it went quickly, and I was grateful. I really think your signs are absolutely fine (I see others have said this on the Pregnancy thread), but I know just how scary it is. I think women who never have fertility problems can't quite imagine how much more terrifying this all is for us - it took us so very long to get here, it almost feels like hanging on to a snake at the top of a snakes and ladders board, terrified of slipping right back down to the beginning again. And there aren't enough ladders to help you back up, either! Hang on in there xx

And Shell - I second Hen's stern look (if I may!). You've got 8 follicles - that's MORE than fine. It's more than I had, and look at me now! (well, apart from all the fretting, ignore that and focus on the BFP!). PLus you've been on the great diet to maximise the chances of top quality eggs - you're really in a great position. I know it must be hard to keep your spirits up when you've been in this game as long as you have, but objectively speaking you're doing really well. I hope a good night's sleep helps put things into perspective.

...right,

This is my actual test strip

Tee hee - I am a fully paid up member of squinter's anonymous :)

...and, in fairness, in no position to be delivering stern looks to anyone.

Realistically, Hen, none of us are - we are all hypocrites, full of positive energy and optimism for everyone else but wracked with fear and worry over our own cases! I can't see a second line in either photo, but hang on in there - fingers and toes crossed it will come!

hen. You nutter!!! When are you actually meant to poas?
You've started now, so no doubt you will drive yourself mad. Can I suggest you at least wait another 48 hrs. You seem really jovial about it, but I can imagine the strain.
X

I know

I'm genuinely not feeling quite as much strain as I thought I would actually. Objectively speaking, this was a 'textbook' cycle (i.e. everything has done exactly what it was meant to do, when it was meant to do it). If it fails, it will just have been down to bad luck at the final roll of the dice but I still believe the cumulative odds are in stacked in our favour - worst case scenario, it might take us more than one cycle.

Had there been a more significant, identifiable problem (poor response to stims, duff sperm, total fertilisation failure etc) I would see this as being a far more serious problem and would be a lot less jovial about it.

Obviously I will be disappointed if this cycle fails, but we have sufficient time, tenacity and resources to try again as many times as it takes - a fact that brings me great comfort. I am also quite surprised by how on board and supportive DH is, he is not the most demonstrative of chaps so he has really pleasantly surprised me.

Really hope it does work though, as I have the opportunity to go on the most huuge adventure in Jan and would much rather be doing that rather than turning myself into the human pincushion again!

I keep thinking of a post I saw on here from someone whose name escapes me for the time being who was talking about women with fertility issues. It has always stuck with me and reassured me...

She was effectively saying that of all the (many) people she knew who wanted to achieve motherhood, they pretty much all did so by one way or another. Either naturally, via IVF/ICSI or surrogacy or indeed adoption. SOme paths took longer, and were more painful/stresful/expensive, but the number of journeys that didn't reach that goal in one way or another was vanishingly small.

She put it much better than I just did (it sounded rather less trite from her too!), but I often hang onto that thought though in the darker moments.

oh hen, you're clucking mad . clinic told me testing early would likely give false positive due to the remnants of the trigger shot so it really means nothing. think you're just going to have to wait it out! really hope it does mean something though

No, def not remnants of HCG shot. For exactly this reason, I did a FRER on the morning of ET and it was emphatically BFN.

I do understand that I will need to wait it out to know definitively, but this is exactly what I meant when I said I wanted to gain the maximum possible information about this cycle to carry forward into the next (should that be necessary). It does seem that implantation has occurred (or is trying to occur). I think this is a really crucial piece of medical info that I would like to have, but I also accept that there are others who would prefer not to know.

I also absolutely accept that it is waaaaaay to early to call this a BFP or to consider myself pregnant, but I just wouldn't be happy waiting until OTD, getting a BFN, and then having no idea what had gone on in my own body between ET and OTD. I think it is really important to know at which point the cycle failed, and I hate to make this point, but as this cycle has cost me the best part of £10,000 out of my own pocket, I would like to get as much out of it as I can (if that isn't a BFP )

Sorry, I'm not ignoring other posts but I'm a bit beside myself. I started light bleeding about an hour ago now and I've got constant bad cramps. I know it's the end. It's not implantation because it's just my period or chemical pregnancy of whatever they call it.
I've cried buckets in the last hr. It's so fucking cruel. Why did my body do this to me. I was about to do a FET with embryos obviously better than the one that just didn't work! I feel so duped. I feel angry and I just feel so so sad and to make it worse DH can't get out of work so I'm evening feeling bit scared as I don't know how bad the pain is going to get. It won't subside. I suppose it'll just get worse now all night until it's all out. It's so fucking shit. I really wish I were a different mammal right now. Sorry for downer guys. You have been so great and lovely. Xxx