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Original poster

The All Things Donor Conception Thread

397 replies

foxinorangesocks · 03/06/2014 20:03

Thought I'd start an ongoing thread for all mnetters that are having, thinking about having or have had treatment using donor eggs or sperm or who are considering/have been a donor. Come and talk about all stages of using or being a donor, from exploring the idea of donor conception and pursuing treatment (or not) to parenting donor conceived children or being a donor- all in a supportive and encouraging space. Whilst I say All Things - this is NOT meant to be a thread for expressing concerns over the ethics/morals of donor conception in negative/forceful/hurtful ways. Please start a thread elsewhere for this.

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 28/07/2014 17:48

Great news Bob

I hope all my inbox waffling was useful! Sounds like you had a very productive day :)

MileEndRoad · 28/07/2014 17:53

sometimes wish i was gay and then i wouldn't have this problem!!

How would that help, Bob?

sideshowbob2 · 28/07/2014 18:04

yes lauren it was all your inbox information that helped alot!!
now to see what the gp can do on thursday, as my FSH was 18 the last time i was tested, but i can't remember if that was before or after i started taking thyroxine, as nhs guidelines say it has to be 15, so we will see!!
yes exactly mileendroad, if i was gay everything would be alot easier!!

MileEndRoad · 28/07/2014 18:12

if i was gay everything would be alot easier!! Well, if you say so - but I can't quite see how being gay would change anything about your situation. Good luck with the next stage, though.

sideshowbob2 · 28/07/2014 18:40

mileendroad as the NHS criteria clearly states if you are in a couple straight or gay you can receive 3 cycles of ivf treatment, that's why!!

Lauren83 · 28/07/2014 19:23

MileEndRoad

Yes to clarify that's correct as in my area a same sex couple gets funded 3 cycles yet Bob being single might have to pay in hers, so it would be much easier for her in the instance we are discussing as it could save her 20k

Where are you up to with your fertility treatment then?

MileEndRoad · 28/07/2014 21:46

Indeed, but that's a problem to do with Bob being single, not Bob being heterosexual. Lesbians can be single too.

Lauren83 · 28/07/2014 22:33

Indeed they can you are correct and I imagine they would often in that situ be frustrated at the lack of funding set by the CCGS in line with NICE guidelines for their areas and often maybe wonder

'If I was in a relationship things would be much easier'
'If I was hetero and in a relationship things would be much easier'

....When pondering how best to make a family they want so much, as both those comments would be true when applied to access to funding, as we both know that's what Bob meant...

sideshowbob2 · 29/07/2014 10:18

exactly that lauren, it is not fair to discriminate against any single person when it comes to, fulfilling a lifetime dream of having a family of my own, as even if i fostered or adopted there are guidelines, as at the present i wouldn't meet adoption or fostering guidelines as i live in a 1 bedroom flat that i rent from the council so i would have a fair amount of hoops to jump through just to get that sorted before even applying, so i face difficulty which ever route i was to take!!

Lauren83 · 29/07/2014 13:34

Looks like a BFN here ladies, was expecting it to be honest with the terrible donor result

sideshowbob2 · 29/07/2014 13:39

oh no lauren hope your ok, well as ok as you can be, whats your next move??

Lauren83 · 29/07/2014 13:44

Well I want to see my surgeon about having a 3rd op as everything's a but mangled in there, and possibly save up for some immunes testing I think

sideshowbob2 · 29/07/2014 13:51

good luck with all of those, i have a friend that is coming over tomorrow for lunch and gossip, she had some kind of immune problems where by her body attacked any babies in the womb causing very early births and she lost lots of babies because of it and stopped trying in the end, couldn't adopt because of problems to do with her husband, i'll ask her what she had done

Lauren83 · 29/07/2014 15:50

Thankyou!

Immunes issues are often linked to chemical pregnancy and losses which I haven't had but there's also links to endo so need to look into it I think

resipsa · 29/07/2014 16:36

Lauren - sorry to read your news. I think we all (and I include myself) think donor treatment is as close to a dead cert as you can get but it's no different from OE treatment really.

I wish that I could say something to help but suspect that I can't.

Don't give up, though. Humans were meant to reproduce so you'll get there.

ThanksThanksThanks

Lauren83 · 29/07/2014 16:57

Thanks so much

I really did think it was the answer but feel with getting just 1 poor embie from a lady older than me never gave me a decent shot, they said it was a slow embie too and the other 3 never made it so I knew it was pushing it expecting this to stick around

Original poster
foxinorangesocks · 29/07/2014 16:57

Oh Lauren I'm sorry to hear that Sad. When is your official testing date? Might it be a bit soon?

OP posts:
ControlGeek · 29/07/2014 17:54

I'm so sorry Lauren it feels like you had a really unfair cycle from the get-go. I hope you get some answers on the immunes front. It would be so much easier to get through all of this if we could know when it would actually work for us. This constant feeling that it's never going to happen is so draining.

Original poster
foxinorangesocks · 29/07/2014 19:26

Control I said the exact same thing today to my mum. The not knowing if I'll ever have a baby is so difficult. Thinking of you Lauren Thanks

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 29/07/2014 21:16

Thanks everyone, I always presumed I would get their eventually, its dawning on me that it might not actually ever happen and I'm scared for the future, I'm kicking myself for getting in debt years ago as what I wouldn't do to be able to happily pay for some private treatment now but I'm lumbered with big debts x

sideshowbob2 · 30/07/2014 05:55

ahh lauren don't think like that, just think of me in my situation, if i hadn't put myself on the pill at 22 when i was with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, i could of had a child then, but i had no where to live, smoked and drank alot of vodka most weekends til i blacked out and the rest!! i racked up alot of debt and still have one with debt collectors now!! i've built up my career and worked in the same 2 jobs for the last 12 and 11 years and had my flat for 10 years coming up in august, although a career working with children doesn't pay that well, its what i've always wanted to do, sometimes its hard, but most days i know i've made a small difference to at least one child's life and the little girl i've had after school and in the school holidays for the past 12 years is more like me than her own parents as she spends an awful lot of time with me, in her mannerisms or the sayings that i say, even down to spending time at my place every school holiday as she likes it here, its not so clinical here, i showed her how to fold clothes instead of screw them up the other day!!
i know if i hadn't started looking after her 12 years ago, she would still be wearing a bib, wearing a nappy and have limited 1 or 2 word answers, as when she has been with her parents for a long period of time she points and grunts as she gets away with it when she's with them!! i know she's not mine and i get paid to care for her, but she has come a very long way since i first got her at 4 years old and i pride myself in thinking that i have helped her to become the young 17 year old girl that she is now and i know there is still so much i can do for her!!
there is always the worry that you can't fulfil your dreams and hopes in life, but sometimes there are bumps in life and its how you deal with them to get to the goal that helps, at the moment i have been hit with a bump but i'm trying several different ways to overcome this bump, as giving up and letting the bump win, is not going to happen, positive thinking and that you can achieve your dream but you may just need to approach it in a different way, think outside the box(comes from working with autistic children)
i really hope the bump you are experiencing right now, is just a small blip that can be ironed out and yes do seek more medical intervention, shout loud to get every piece of help you can get, there's someone out there that can help you achieve your dream!!

Original poster
foxinorangesocks · 30/07/2014 10:18

Lauren big hug. Ride out these hormoney bits and then things will become more clear. You've had shitty luck this time so a new donor and immune things perhaps, if needed could be a whole new story. It's frustrating that the quality was a big comprising factor this time. You have had such a long journey but you are young and I feel sure you'll get there.

My lining is 8.5 and I'm good to go. Just need the many many next stages to fall in place.

OP posts:
Lauren83 · 30/07/2014 11:03

Bob that's so nice to hear how much you have helped that girl, it must be such an amazing feeling, I also had some rocky wild years like you! :)

Fox we are relying on you doing it for the both of us now and cheering you on, our luck has to change soon so come on!!!

My GP has put me back on bladder meds and is facing my referral to my surgeon through today so will focus in that, going to get back into the gym too

sideshowbob2 · 30/07/2014 11:20

great news fox, do you have a transfer date??
lauren, the bank said no, very snotty young bird with braces, didn't like her attitude, so i have a list of more phone calls to make, i've also got the gp first thing to see about this funding request thingy, so fingers crossed for that!!

Lauren83 · 30/07/2014 12:09

Sorry to hear that

Did they give a reason?