Anyone starting IVF soon? Join me.

[Shellster52]

After 3 full failed IVF's last year, I am about to embark on my second last attempt. I started an IVF thread during my last IVF, and everyone got pregnant but me. So I swore I wouldn't do that again this time. But I find myself wanting to chat with people going through what I am, so I am starting the thread again. Join me as I seem to be a BFP magnet!

So sorry to hear you don't think you've been lucky on the IVF roulette Purple and Annie. Don't give up until the blood test result is in though, as my clinic say that a decent minority of women don't get accurate results with home pregnancy tests and they always confirm a negative with a blood test before calling time. Really hoping the symptoms aren't the evil progesterone playing tricks. Fingers crossed for you both.

Hope you are doing okay inconceivable - are you feeling okay or driving yourself insane on your 2ww?

That sounds like an awful lot of stabbing and expense Smidge - this whole process is an utter bugger isn't it? Hopefully it will make a difference for you though.

As for me, I have some encouraging news. I had my lining check today and it is 9.4, and according to the nurse it looks 'perfect'. So I am thrilled, as lining is an issue for me and I barely had acceptable lining for my transfer last time.

I am now scheduled for 28th October - assuming the little buggers defrost. So here's hoping it works this time.

Al my hope is with purple today.

I have brown/red bleeding this morning and feel totally unpregnant. I will do the blood test though just to confirm. Time to plan the next step. DH is convinced we can do it naturally. I'm filled with determination!
Thank you all so much for your support X

Thinking of you too purple...

So sorry your cycle wasn't successful Annie. It really really sucks. As others said, allow yourself to grieve, be kind to yourself and when you're ready, prepare all your questions for your follow up appointment.

That's great about your lining GoBigOrange! Your transfer will be the day after I test.

I'm doing ok thanks. I only work part time but have a super busy week at work this week including a bit of travel which is a mixed blessing at best. On my fresh cycle I took leave from egg collection until test day so it was totally different. No egg collection this time obviously but would be nice not to have such a busy week at work. The timings all shifted when our initial FET attempt had to be abandoned and then when we re-started my lining was ready quicker than expected. C'est la vie I guess.

Keep thinking if I should have done anything differently - acupuncture, lifestyle changes etc - but what's done is done. Trying to stay positive!

Annie and Purple, have you both confirmed on way or the other? Trying to identify positive symptoms are more stressful, it seems, than the whole lot of it. Heaps of love to you both, whatever the final tests reveal -- be kind to yourselves and know we are all thinking of you.

Inconceivable, I'm sure you've done everything that you can! When's the big day?

Shellster, I'm so pleased to hear about the sudden change from your DH! That's awesome!

Blue, I would love to be in LA right now. I brought out my winter coat yesterday (boo!).

GoBigOrange, congrats on your lining!! That's ace news!

Smidge, I'm fascinated by your NK analysis. That's a costly result, but you must be pleased-ish to have some sort of answer.

As for me, it turns out charting has its uses! I think I ovulated late this cycle, so even though I'm 'a day late' for a regular cycle, I'm pretty sure it's nothing to be excited about and expect to start the next one in three days (which happens to coincide with the Yoga Show -- if my period starts in the middle of my Punk rock Yoga workshop, I will be pissed!).

I've been for my bloods and they'll take up to 3 days she said but marked them urgent so may be sooner. Anyway, full flow has arrived. Onwards and upwards!

Oh Annie that's rubbish.
I'm still hanging on in there. I'm feeling rubbish - really not very well at all today. I went into work because I had a meeting which I'd rescheduled already, so I thought I ought to, and then when I got in, the person I was meeting couldn't make it....so I did a couple of hours and then came home. Going to get a bit of kip before I pick up ds from school.
I'm not testing until tomorrow...still bleeding a little, but it's very light, in a "normal" cycle I'd be due today, I'm usually like clockwork and I don't feel premenstrual. Soooo...it's still a possibility, but I don't feel terribly optimistic either. All will become clear.
Thanks everyone, for your kind words and encouragement. xxx

Just out of interest, what would happen if one embryo stuck but the other didn't? Would you bleed lightly? My bleeding is v watery and light but it's flowing now rather than spotting and cramps are bad so I really want to go home and lie down / cry.

It is possible to get bleeding and still be BFP but all my negative tests and lack of sore boobs points to it being a failed cycle. What a shame.

Annie, I can't believe the blood tests take 3 days! With my IVF clinic, I get it done in the morning and they call in the afternoon. You are amazingly strong. Like you, I always find moving on to plan B after a failed IVF helps pull me through. Though I think I am up to plan R by now!

Purple my thoughts are with you. You've been so supportive of me and I just wish there was something I could do for you to end this agonizing wait... with a positive ending!

Orange - congrats on your lining. I too usually have a light period/thin lining so I know how happy I would be if that were me. I am surprised that your lining is perfect now but they don't do the transfer until the 28th? I am sure it is just me not understanding the FET process... of my 8 attempts at IVF not one embryo available to freeze.

Inconceivable, I echo Emmas words. When's the big day?

Emma, you hippy you. Off to a punk rock yoga class. Sounds cool You sound so healthy - this infertility thing just makes me wonder when you are so healthy yet are struggling while others eat crap, drink etc and hey presto, they're pregnant. Even with my DS, I was a diet coke addict and regular alcohol consumer up until I found out I was pregnant. This time I have been so healthy for so long and nothing.

Well I stopped recording my periods and every time we had sex. But now it feels like a long time since I've had a period so I am trying to work it out. I am at day 24 - I think. My periods usually vary between 24 and 28 days so from tomorrow, I will start falsely getting my hopes up each day my period hasn't arrived.

Shellster i knew it would take days. I'm a flight away from my clinic so went to my local GP practice and they have to send them to the hospital and the lab there is understaffed...

I may as well indulge myself one more time with my live updates to say it's dark red flow now and 2 clots have passed id say 1 inch x 1 inch.. I wasn't expecting those! Could be that the lining was v thick??

Got to look for the positives. I can conceive, I did produce embryos, they did fertilise, I found the process quite easy (apart from organising tIme off work). Just need to be patient and wait for that good egg to come along.

I'd really like to try naturally for a while. If it takes more failed ivf attempts and more miscarriages then that's ok. I'll know I tried my best.

Tomorrow I'll stop being so me me me and start supporting the ladies who are about to start cycles, going through them or suffering the wait this thread has been a huge support xxx

Annie - you're not at all me me me. We're all going through this together and we all have our moments of sharing (too much?!), venting, ranting - and hopefully celebrating too. We've all got time to listen and send a hug, and we know that you're there for us, too. It makes it all bearable. Well done for finding silver linings so soon....and don't be too brave xxx

purple I think it must be test day for you now. Good luck - i shouldn't get your hopes up at this stage but I am wondering if the light spotting may just be a side effect of the blood thinning meds, especially as it doesn't seem to have got any heavier over the last few days, plus you don't feel pre menstrual. Anyway, FX a good result!

Annie you are being incredibly stoic and practical about the BFNs. I am very impressed. But don't be surprised if you have an upset wobble when they give you the results from the blood tests. I was in the same boat my first time round - had been certain I wasn't pregnant, started spotting, then poas so I knew it was negative. But I still collapsed when the nurse told me my blood test was BFN.

Emma any news on AF? I agree it helps knowing you o'd late so are expecting a later start. Yes, I was interested about my NK results. My family does have a history of various immune issues. But how ridiculous that my own uterus might be attacking the 'foreign body' of what I'm desperately trying to get to implant! Am glad to have a plan of action though.

inconceivable can't believe you still have another 5 days to go! (I think). Hope the upside of work is that it stops you from symptom spotting.

GBO well done on lining being perfect. Good luck for next week.

I had my day 6 stimms blood test and ultrasound this morning. I don't remember much but results are in line with expectations and I'm to continue my current dose, and have tests again on Friday. I tried to notice follicle sizes on the screen but I couldn't really keep track. Half the time it looks as if they measure the same one twice! As I left the room the I could see some she'd just measured and one was 12mm and another was 1.5mm so I don't think they're growing at the same rate so far!! Hopefully they'll even out over the next couple of days.

annie onwards and upwards... I'm pleased you have your frostie. Take some time to be nice to yourself and have a brea. And feel free to vent on here, we've all been in the same position!

Purple thinking of you x

I'm afraid there's no happy ending from me, either. I tested first thing this morning and it's very definitely a negative.
DH and I had a good discussion about where we want to go from here and we're both feeling the same way: this is definitely the end of the line with my own eggs. We always said two fresh cycles, we've given it our best shot and it hasn't worked out. However, we now both feel that we'd like to try with donor eggs, so I'm going to explore this.
I'm glad we're on the same page - I think I was probably ready to consider donor eggs last time round - I did ask the consultant at our last "debrief" if the time had come, but he didn't think so yet, and DH wasn't ready to think about that. He took the dog for a long walk at 6 am this morning, and apparently they had a chat about it and decided it was the right thing to do. Clearly the dog is not psychic after all, but he does seem to give wise counsel.
I'm okay. I'm sure there will be times when I'm not - and thank you all so much for your support throughout all this - it really has helped. I'll let you know how we get on with the donor egg quest.
And of course, I'll be watching everyone else's progress - good luck, lovely ladies.

Oh Purple I'm so so sorry . There is nothing that I can say better than the kind advice you've given me.

So sorry purple I've been thinking of you. Take care.

Sorry for short post but it's flat out here. I test on Monday - our wedding anniversary....!

Thanks, Inconceivable - good luck for Monday....that's got to be auspicious x

Oh Purple. Just seems to be a run of bad luck on this thread. Starting to make me feel like this is just the standard IVF result and it's what I should expect next IVF.

Smidge, you sound very relaxed about the whole thing. I bring a piece of paper to my ultrasounds and write down everything! At least not knowing means you won't be stressing until Friday about if the little ones are going to grow or if the big ones have grown too fast. Do you have any idea how many follicles you had to give you some idea?

Annie, you are not me me me at all. It's nice to hear from you. And venting all your emotions makes me feel more sane when I go through IVF again and rant away about the same things.

Purple, I'm so sorry, my thoughts go out to you. I'm sorry too that your dog isn't psychic -- but I'm glad he's a good councellor. I hope he's advising you to spend most of your time cuddling those who love you.

Smidge, no sign yet, but my temperature dipped .16C this morning, so I'm expecting it. The weird things is usually at the end of a cycle I have a couple of days of really angry cramping followed by at least a day or two with no cramps at all (that's my best signal it's on its way), but I'm still gently cramping periodically, so it might still be a few days out yet.

When do you expect it to be go-time?

Inconceivable, good luck for Monday!! I hope you land the best of anniversary gifts!

Adding my commiserations too purple . But I'm so glad to hear you and MrP are on the same page with next steps, so you can start looking forward to your next plan of attack. My OH doesn't seem to want to consider donor eggs at all, and tbf, at the moment I'm not sure i'd be ready either, given we don't actually know why we're not getting pregnant.

Shellster I don't usually go in armed with pen and paper, but probably due to lack of foresight rather than intent tbh. Having said that though, I'm glad to have one less 'specific' thing to be obsessing over. I know in general that I'm willing the small ones to catch up and the big ones to slow down, but a vague obsession like that is much easier to handle than referring to specifics and mentally calculating the various iterations of 1-2mm growth per day! (And I would!)

Another blood & ultrasound for me tomorrow. I'm still bleeding though. Day 9 of my period and still passing clots and red blood. Please can someone reassure me that this is normal side effect from the down reg drugs, and nothing to worry about. I'll ask the nurse again tomorrow, but would love it to have at least shown signs of slowing by now.

If I follow same schedule as last time, I'll be triggering on Sat night with EC on Monday. However, I'm hoping that the down reg drug regime gives a slightly longer incubation time, and that I make it to EC on Tues (or Weds). Only concern then is that I'm not sure the clinic does ET on Sundays, and with a 5 day blasto (FX!) with EC on tues, that would be when it would fall.

Hey ho, must stop second guessing and just go with the flow.

How long does it take to go through FET?

I had my ob/gyn appt this morning and was told that we were rejected for IVF as on NHS as the criteria has now changed. I had an inkling that would happen.

I asked him if there was anything available like Clomid that didn't have the side effects that I could use and he didn't suggest any drugs but said we could try ovarian drilling if the frozen embryo transfer doesn't work.
I need to work out if we should try another private fresh cycle or stop.

So next step for me is to call the clinic and arrange FET.

Thank you lovely ladies for all your kind words.
Smidge - I'm not that organised either, but my clinic always hands me a post-it-note and a pencil and asks me to write down the sizes as they call them out. My experience was of pretty light flow in down-reg, but I think everyone responds differently, so I'm sure your clinic will be able to reassure you.

Annie - We did our first fresh cycle in April - transfer was on 14th - and FET in July. Started down-reg for the FET on 25 June and had the transfer 3 weeks later on 16th.

I've booked our de-brief with the consultant and said that I want to talk about a DE cycle. I've also spoken to my cousin to see if her daughter's offer of eggs was serious and it seems that it was. The daughter hasn't spoken to her DP about it, and he obviously needs to be happy, but it turns out that she has PCOS and is not ready to start a family yet, but worried about the implications of delaying. I'm hoping that it might be beneficial for both of us - if we can pay for her eggs to be frozen until she is ready to start a family so they are there if she needs them, and in return she donates some eggs so that we can have another try. We're going to meet up with her in a week or so's time as my cousin is staying with her and then coming to stay with me. Sooooo....big steps. I don't know of anyone who has used DE from a known donor, and it seems like quite an usual situation - I can't find many on Fertility Friends either, and that site's got a whole section on DE.

How are you doing today, Annie? My tears have arrived. I was trying to do some DIY while ds is at after-school club and it wasn't going to plan and I just burst into tears and sobbed and sobbed. Feeling that life's very unfair. And so it is. But that doesn't help, does it? Hope you're okay xxx

oh lovely purple I'm so sad for you . It's just horrible. It's so unfair. Why??? Why did those lovely embryos not stay?? After all that..

They way I come to terms with it is to accept nature's indifference. She is as hurtful to us as she is helpful to others. Neither rhyme nor reason.

I'm being annoyingly philosophical I know. It's because I spent Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and a bit of Wednesday crying my eyes out, filling up at work, bursting into tears at the GP surgery, sobbing in the car, texting through sobs, sobbing on MN, hysterical in bed until it reached proper banshee wailing levels and I just stopped suddenly and became all assertive.

DH has noticed I get materialistic straight after a ttc mishap. I want an expensive handbag, Christmas in Australia, a trip to London and a piano. None of those things will make me happy though.. (plus I'll never get any of them anyway!)

It is amazing that your relative is willing to be an egg donor for you Purple. That is the ideal I'd imagine.

We looked at adoption last year but ruled it out as we know a couple who adopted siblings and they've had a very hard time - they told us not to do it. That sounds terrible but it put us off.

I rang the clinic and it looks like I can do the FET around January. I'm not expecting it to work one bit but I need to go through it just incase.

I'm going to keep going the old fashioned way with daily intake of fresh royal jelly, Pregnacare, CQ10 and aspirin and add some Omega 3 to the exciting cocktail this time. I do have a bit of hope for this and so does DH. It's worked for us before but we just need to be patient and wait for a good egg.

I recommend you keep sobbing while you're doing the DIY, mope around, cry into your pillow at night and let Mr P do everything for you until you've run out of tears.

It's a different path, on a long journey, with horrible corners that make you sad and difficult turns that are hard to get around but we'll get there Purple xxxxx

Thanks, Annie - your lovely message helped. It is helpful to think of nature that way. And hell, yeah - I think I need a piano, too!

I built a bed, today. I go into practical mode when my world falls apart. Try to control the factors I can control to make up for the things that are outside my power. It makes me feel better in a strange kind of way.

DS had a hard day, too. His class is studying the Great Fire of London and they built model buildings, set them up as a "street" on the school field and set fire to them to see how quickly the fire spread. He invested a lot of himself in his model - they've been making them for weeks - and he didn't want to burn it. . Cool lesson, though!

purple I think it's absolutely wonderful that you might be able to have donor eggs from a relative. I really do. Means some of those genes are going to be the same as yours and you know the donation has come from a caring family member.