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Original poster

Just found out my friend is pregnant...not happy!!!

71 replies

erilou38 · 12/01/2014 22:58

A friend of mine who is older than me, 40 this year has just texted me to announce her pregnancy, i know it sounds awful but i'm gutted. She had been trying for 7 months and i was kind of hoping it wasn't going to happen. Another older woman who has gotten pregnant while i'm in menopause at age 38!! So pissed off!!!!!!

OP posts:
GlitzAndGiggles · 13/01/2014 00:10

Wow bitter much? A baby isn't a fashion icon I highly doubt she's been ttc for 7 months to piss you off

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 13/01/2014 00:10

riled up? Confused again. Who is riled? Or is that what you were trying to do?

Lj8893 · 13/01/2014 00:11

Wow with friends like you who needs enemies!!!

Original poster
erilou38 · 13/01/2014 00:11

Seems like i'm a wicked person then. I'm off.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 13/01/2014 00:13

So just because you can't have a fourth baby (let's not forget the millions of women who would love just one child) you think no one else should have one?

How remarkably selfish.

elQuintoConyo · 13/01/2014 00:13

LOTS of nasties about tonight, Oblamov Sad

Oblomov · 13/01/2014 00:29

So it seems Conyo Sad

NorthernLurker · 13/01/2014 00:37

Feeling despairing about your (in)fertility is normal. Feeling upset by other's pregnancies is normal in that situation. Articulating your anger about it and expecting it to be accepted as an ok reaction is NOT normal. It's nasty. As is hoping your friend will never conceive. Get a grip OP.

BaronessBomburst · 13/01/2014 00:40

Do you usually post in this topic OP? It just seems a trifle tactless. Your question would be far better in AIBU. You'd attract a lot of responses there. hopefully

Bubblegoose · 13/01/2014 00:51

You sound very self centred, as if you think this woman has spent seven months ttc JUST to piss you off.

Very glad you're not my 'friend'.

Lauren83 · 13/01/2014 01:00

Hi Erilou

I have helped you out with loads of your posts on here (and there's a lot) given you loads of info on your situation and shared my story and knowledge with you, I'm 30 (just) I'm in the menopause like you...I have no children...unlike you, and I have been told I wont unless I find an egg donor, which I'm struggling to do, I have spent 3 years dosed up on morphine amongst 10 other meds had operations and scans, countless hospital appointments, part of my bladder and bowel removed and my tubes due to endometriois, I had a 15cm cyst stuck to all my organs, I was given the all clear in Aug then by Dec diagnosed with menopause after 7 years of trying, how cruel is that??

My friend told me last week she is pregnant the first month of trying, how do I feel? Bitter? Nope, just happy for her, secretly wishing it was me but I wouldn't wish this infertility business on anyone as I know how much it hurts, I will have to see her bump grow and hear all about it as I do her 5 year old, whilst I cry myself to sleep every night

Lauren

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 13/01/2014 01:06

Lauren (hugs) and i wish you good luck in finding a donor.

BaronessBomburst · 13/01/2014 01:07

Okay, maybe I was a bit harsh. I've just read some of your other posts.
It's not normal to feel this way. It's clearly eating you up and affecting other areas of your life. Go for counselling like you said and try to move forward. You haven't mentioned how your DH feels about the situation though.

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKaleesi · 13/01/2014 01:07

Oh Lauren I'm so sorry, you sound like such a lovely person I'm sorry life is being so cruel to you. I hope things get better for you x

Op being upset and jealous is understandable, hoping someone would never get pregnant just because you can't is hideous, surely you can see how nasty you're being?

BaronessBomburst · 13/01/2014 01:10

Xposts with Lauren. I wish you all the best and hope you find a donor.

Lauren83 · 13/01/2014 01:15

Thanks girls I really appreciate it, I only joined this form recently as someone suggested I post looking for a donor, I found this board and have been able to share my experiences as have had 2 ivf cycles and am pretty clued up, I had commented loads on ops posts trying to help and advising on tests/clinics that could help her etc, all the time struggling myself, I only found out in Dec when my clinic withdrew funding for my other ivf cycle due to my blood levels, us women get a hard enough time with stuff like this, we should look out for each other, you never know what secret heartache others are going through, some people don't know about my issues as I plaster a smile on every day

I know op was wrong but go easy, ttc takes you to some dark selfish places and hopefully she will realise how wrong her attitude is

Thanks again girls x

hollylive · 13/01/2014 01:20

I don't know where I read this quote but I know its true.. Having bad thoughts about someone else is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get ill! It will only harm you ,Just wish her well for your own sake and mean it.

differentnameforthis · 13/01/2014 01:20

i was kind of hoping it wasn't going to happen That's pretty horrible.

This woman's new partner already has a child So he can't have any more? Good job she isn't a good friend.

I don't think i'm a bad person for having these thoughts and feelings. Doesn't make you a good person though, does it?

WhenWhyWhere · 13/01/2014 01:28

That's a kind post Lauren. I hope things work out girls you.

OP, on the off chance you are still reading, I suggest you really have a think about things. It's not good for you to feel the way you do about your friend. I suspect your reaction to her pregnancy is only as negative as it is because of you previous feelings about your friend. I hope, for your sake as well as others, that you won't feel like this everytime you hear that a friend is pregnant. Otherwise you are going to become a very unhappy person.
You should give yourself permission to feel sorry for yourself for not being able to get pregnant but you should try your hardest to not become bitter. If you genuinely find this difficult perhaps you should consider counselling of some sort.

WhenWhyWhere · 13/01/2014 01:29

Typo... Blush I hope things work out for you

risingsunshine · 13/01/2014 02:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eminybob · 13/01/2014 03:40

So no one is allowed to get pregnant because you can't? Especially if they are older than you or have more children than you? How do you cope with being on mumsnet? There are pregnancy announcements and stories on here 24/7.
Feeling bitter towards your friend is not going to change your situation. If you feel that she shouldn't have gotten pregnant just to spare your feelings then you are are not a friend at all. People have lives independent of you and do not need to ask your permission to live them.
I'm sorry for you for your situation but you do really need to get a grip.

StandingInLine · 13/01/2014 09:22

lol ,this reminds me of my partners bitter ex. No one else is ever allowed to get pregnant as it's seen as rubbing it in her face if they so much as utter a word about it.

Never mind te fact she's got 7 kids !!

Original poster
erilou38 · 13/01/2014 11:25

I have no problem with pregnant ladies. In fact i have a friend in her late 20s who is 8 weeks pregnant and i am thrilled for her. A few months ago there were a group of us with the kids at a play area and the woman i was posting about was there. I had mentioned to her a few weeks before about me havung an early menopause. She made fun of me and told all the other women, which i didn't want her to do and said that i was now and old woman having to take HRT. I was very hurt. Then she texts this last night. It wasn't a personal message, just one she had sent out to everyone on her phone.

OP posts:
uptheanty · 13/01/2014 11:30

op you seem to think you're more "entitled" to get pregnant than your friend Hmm.

If I apply your logic... I have 2 dc & would have loved more ... So therefore you better not get pregnant anytime soon.

Have you considered that your friend hasn't been in touch because of your attitude towards her? Or that she texted you the news as she knew you'd be upset.