Ah sue, I know exactly what you're saying. I've swung back and forwards from that view myself, asking myself if I'm utterly nuts to keep on with this in the face of everything - even DD has started saying she doesn't want a baby sister or brother anymore. I can't afford another cycle, I will have to take out a loan to do it (which is difficult in itself); OH doesn't want to have anything to do with actually doing another cycle as far as I can tell, let alone paying for anything - the only thing he's interested right now is the next holiday, which he's already researching, and will be wanting me to pay half of. He is quite against another child from a finance point of view, as it will restrict the things we do to a degree (three holidays last year!), whereas I would rather just have a couple of weeks down on the south coast once a year and have two children! Methinks we have fundamental differences in our outlooks, I just wish I'd known this before I started seeing him all those years ago. Oh well.
sue I think your attitude is a very healthy one, actually - we put our lives on hold for this and before you realise it, your life is just flying past and you're not doing the things you actually want to do in your life. pebbles I hear you too - I'm actually finding I have little interest in anything much these days; I guess I'm just tired of all the stress and hassle. I do often feel like I wish I could pull the duvet over my head and get up in a couple of years when all this worry has gone away - I'm sure you can all relate to that!
duggs I'm loving your planning and yes, I would be doing both donor egg and sperm. It makes me sad to think when we started this road my eggs were probably still good enough; I was 42, and had DD when I was 39. I'm now almost 46, tomorrow actually, and almost certainly my eggs are now completely knackered. I don't mind the donor aspect of it, it just makes me sad that I didn't know OH and I were so incompatible (I'm talking genetically here, although other meanings do cross my mind these days!) all that time ago; if I'd known, I wouldn't have bothered trying at all.
duggs When will your DH get his test results back, do you know? Hopefully it will just be another course of antibiotics or something to get him right again? Lots of luck for your consultation, I really do like Penny a lot personally, she is one of the few genuine people in this game, I feel. There are rumours she's intending, if not to completely retire, at least take more of a back seat in this IVF/fertility game - I'm hoping all of us get our babies before that happens!
I'm slightly worried because Penny now wants me to 'get a cheap flight' and go over for an aqua scan, to check the last miscarriage didn't leave any further scarring, and I just can't afford to do that. Thinking of how miuch scarring was seen during the hysto I had in April in Athens just worries me that similar might have happened. There was no way anything would have implanted prior to that hysto, but I cannot afford to have another one. I was hoping that the hysto I had here (Sept?) to remove the last bits of the miscarriage would have left my cervix healthy enough, but it seems now that Penny wants to check. I'm going to have to gamble on this one, I honestly can't afford another airfare and another aqua scan on top of the costs of another cycle. This is another thing just making me wonder if I'm doing the right thing carrying on with this - am I just stupid to gamble that all is ok inside? What a waste of a hell of a lot of money if it's not!
Sorry, I'm just feeling all this is going to end up futile, I do try to be positive but it's getting harder and harder!!