Couple warned over allowing children to cycle to school alone

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

From the Telegraph.

No, you don't disagree with me, in content.

You are just rude.

(regrets engaging with troll, hides thread)

well i think its all wrong. particularly reporting them to the authorities.
if a head speaks tot he parents and the parents say we have considered the risks and we think this is o.k. with us.
then we may disagree. but .....
same with views on cot death. if you think about the risk but choose to move a child out of their room before the guidelines recommend, having given it some thought and careful consideration...
what are we ( the headmaster) actually accusing the parents of here ?
that they are foolish ? that their children are in danger, and they can not see this ?

I agree with you Oblomov about the helicopter parenting - one of my friends lives in a house like you describe and our children were out there on their own from the time they were two. One of our other friends still won't let her DD out there unless there is an adult and she's nearly 7!

I also think it's wrong for the school to report the parents to the authorities.

But I wouldn't let a 5 year old cycle to school with an 8 YO - mainly because the traffic round there is bloody awful

I think that´s the thing LadyBiscuit-8yr old alone, OK.

%yr old with an adult imo.

Tricky talking with children about keeping safe without worrying them. There's a family-friendly free film endorsed by ACPO and children's safety charities at www.childseyemedia.com/safety.html Leraar

actually I can sort of understand the reasoning for potential reporting to SS's.

I wonder how many young children "at risk" are left to walk to school with parents citing "promoting independence and freedom" but in actual fact they're saying that to mask neglect?

If this had been an all more shocking story of 2 young children that were being neglected and ill treated, and it spilled out a later date that the school knew that they walked to school on their own and had concerns about it but didn't report because it didn't seem like a big deal.....I should imagine that many people would be asking - why didn't the school raise their concerns?

"I wonder how many young children "at risk" are left to walk to school with parents citing "promoting independence and freedom" but in actual fact they're saying that to mask neglect?"

Is not driving your children to school really neglect now?

And parents who don't drive their kids to school shouldn't be accused of it either. It's cruel and petty. Perhaps there are some wonder parents out there whose behaviour is always perfect. Maybe you're even one of them. But I'd bet that if I watched you all the time they way the papers watch those poor people, sooner or later I'd catch you raising your voice or saying no when your kids wanted a yes... then how would you feel if I immediately went to social services with the evidence that you were a cruel, neglectful parent whose children needed immediate protection from her?

Does the idea of that make you squirm? If you love your kids, so it should. But that's what you're doing to other people: putting their happiness, their families and their kids at risk for the sake of your own judgemental, malicious gossip.

ImSoNotTelling thank you for drawing everyone's attention to the fact that it is illegal to cycle on pavements.

It is a real bugbear of mine.

I didn't say not driving your children to school was neglect

but we're talking about a 5year old child here - this time last year they were still in nursery.

If you left your 5yr old child at home on their own while you popped to the shops or whatever for 10-15 minutes and something happened to them SS would be down on you like a ton of bricks.

Maybe some would consider is as a one off situation to leave them at home on their own at that age, but regularly leaving children at home on their own at that age would I'm sure raise a few eyebrows.

If I shouted at my children once in a while and someone reported me to SS I'd think they were off their rocker. If I shouted at my children every single day then I think they'd have more of a point.

When did shouting become so bad and an issue for ss? I see no problem with raising my voice sometimes (it's the only way they can hear me over the din half the time).

I can see the point if all you ever do is shout and it also depends on what you are shouting at them. But we seem to be so wound up about being the best possible parent that we have stopped enjoying it. That extends to completely out of proportion anxiety about the safety of our children. The end result is that we're not happy and they're not happy any more.

Although even I think five is a bit little, but then I don't know the child or the route and the parents do.

FGS - is no-one reading anything I posted properly at all??

I said DAILY regular shouting could well be cause for concern.

I doubt there's a single parent in the country who can honestly raise their hand and say they've never shouted at their children

Are you shouting tocca?

yes - well I was......

I asked my dd how she would feel if I asked her to take a hypothetical little brother to school every day. She is 9 and does cycle to and from school most days (otherwise she walks) sometimes with her 11 year old brother, but often separately, or with other friends (lots of kids walk or cycle in here). She said that she'd be fine walking with a five year old, as she could hold their hand, but that she'd be worried if they were cycling, as apparently five year olds are too rebellious (having graduated from nursery) and won't do what they are told, and she would worry if they hurt themselves and she didn't have a medical kit (my children have wipe outs when cycling on a fairly regular basis). Six year olds are apparently fine.

DD, aged 5 cycles 4 or 5 miles to school every day, with dh or me. When she is 8, she will have 3 years experience of cycling on the roads.

The younger child in the story may well have been cycling for at least a year. City roads are statistically safer than rural roads. It's so much harder to pick up speed in the city. A mile is diddy distance, even for a 5 year old.

overmydeadbody, yep DH is German, and in Germany it's the opposite. It is illegal for kids under 12 (? I think it's 12) to cycle on the roads!

He can't get his head round the fact that we would force kids onto the roads!
(but he is someone that cycles everywhere, and always has done)

On a different note, I'd like to be a fly on the wall in the staffroom.......

"I said DAILY regular shouting could well be cause for concern."

Is there anything at all that you consider to be none of your business?

Does anyone else in the world have the right to live their lives and make their triumphs and mistakes without you hovering over them, sniggering maliciously and looking for ways to interfere in their families with social services on speed dial?

oh f*ck off off captainspeaking - if a child (or adults) welfare is potentially at risk then I'm sorry if it offends you - but yes I do consider it my business.

or are you the sort of person that may have concerns for someone's welfare but do or say nothing because it's none of your business, and then wring your hands in despair when something happens to a vulnerable person and SS's had done nothing about it (because no-oe had bothered to alert them to a potential problem).

"if a child (or adults) welfare is potentially at risk then I'm sorry if it offends you - but yes I do consider it my business."

Actually you don't. What you enjoy is the power of being able to decide what's best for other people and more than anything else the power to viciously punish them if they don't do as you say.

It's got nothing to do with concern for their welfare. If you were concerned for them or their kids, you'd talk to them. But you don't do that, you want to wreck their lives and families instead. Anyone can see that doesn't help, it just makes the situation worse.

It's all about power. I don't know you so I can't see where your need to abuse and control others comes from. I doubt you were abused as a child yourself, very few such cases actually stem from that. It's much more likely that you're just a bit of a failure - I suspect that having kids has been the pinnacle of your achievements and you subconciously resent the fact that other people have done that and so, so much more, so you try to hurt them for it.

Perhaps you should get help instead of pretending to help?

WTF are you on about?

SS isn't just there for "punishing" people - it's there to support as well.

And - as you say you don't know me, but I have no need to control or abuse people, and I'm certainly not a failure - so please be a dear and fuck off

"I have no need to control or abuse people"

Of course you do. You want to watch over their shoulders so the moment they do something which you don't agree with you can go running to social services.

So: you were bullied at school, not a high academic achiever, you have trouble controlling your temper, you're passive-aggressive and like to punish those around you by exclusion (you probably give the silent treatment or more likely say you're "leaving").

There's a lot more there. Pretty nasty stuff to be honest.

if you're trying to offend me or upset me you're failing miserably. I'm almost PMSL at your pathetic attempts.

Of course I wouldn't be concerned about the odd bit of shouting, or even the occasional smack, or any other of the hundreds of "not great" parenting things that parents do. Nor would I stick my nose into the odd argument between neighbours. But a continued display of neglectful or abusive parenting, or in the case of adults shouting/abuse - then yes I would do something about it.

I'm afraid I'm not the sort of person who can sit back and watch someone suffer because it's none of my business.

"if you're trying to offend me or upset me you're failing miserably. I'm almost PMSL at your pathetic attempts."

Whoops, not very convincing. People who are comfortable and happy don't need to tell people they're comfortable and happy, and they don't tell other people who they're definitely not being upset by to "fuck off".

In fact you're really very aggressive towards me on this forum: swearing at me even tough you don't even know me? Tut tut. Perhaps your neighbours should call the social services - you seem to spend an inordinate amount of time typing on web forums, verbally abusing strangers. They might well say that there's exactly the sort of continued display of abuse which you say should result in a referral.

Now, you're the one who says adults who abuse others should be investigated. So how come it's only other people who you think should be targetted to have their lives ruined? You seem to think you should be immune from your own cruel, petty rules.