What do you think about being forced to look after elderly parents? Baroness Deech says we should.

[BendyBob]

Here Would you do it? Should you be forced to do it?? Would you want dc to look after you?

I understand care of an ageing population needs more consideration, but no, I think I could not do it nor would I want dc to do it for me either.

I think TheCrackFox raises good points in her post.

It's a strange logic - she says grandparents are giving up work to provide childcare, so the parents should have the responsibility for looking after them in old age. Well, how about fixing the system so that parents can afford to work without having to rely on unpaid childcare from the grandparents, so they aren't forced into that situation then?

No. I am facing the reality of when, rather than if, my mother will need caring for. And still, there is no way that I could care for her or my father - DH and I work ft, and have a 3 year old. If mum and dad can't cope on their own, then I'm not sure what good transplanting them from the house they have lived in for 40 years, and the town where dad has lived all his life would do, when they would still be on their own all day.

I think it's a very different thing to care for a dementia sufferer in poor health, than to have a frail, but compos mentis, granny who is there for your children. My great grandmother lived with her daughter for 15 years - but tho she was a wheelchair user, she did all the household stuff

cmotdibbler - i can't imagine my mum doing all the household stuff - she has very different ways to me and i remember loads of arguments even when i was a teenager at home.

even down to really simple things like watching tele - she hates the programmes we love and vicecersa.

still she never helped me with childcare - i had to employ people. so does that let me off?

oh and to all those people who say their parents don't want to live with them as they don't want to be a burden. my mother used to say that, but since having one or two health issues has quickly changed her tune to not wanting to move into a home and be looked after me instead

TBF, my nana didn't have a lot of choice in the matter - her hip had spectacularly collapsed after the birth of her third child, grandad was in the Navy, so whilst she was on the sofa for 2 years (had to lay flat whilst the whole thing slowly formed a bony lump), her mum kept the family together

thats awful cmot

I would look after my mum if I had to but she would absolutely hate it - probably more than me.

Wow, attitudes sure have changed a lot in teh last 50 or so years, eh? I'm pretty sure that parents coming to live with their children for the last few years of their life was the norm then (and still is, in many countries).

yes but the wife didn't normally work fulltime. its impossible to do everything

I have taken this quote from this website

"Life expectancy for both men and women has continued to rise. In 2002, life expectancy at birth for females born in the UK was 81 years, compared with 76 years for males. This contrasts with 49 and 45 years respectively at the turn of the last century in 1901."

If parents came to live with you 100 yrs ago it would be for a couple of years not decades. Due to ill health dementia would not have a chance to become an issue.

Coupled with the fact that women work attitudes would inevitably change.

'I'm pretty sure that parents coming to live with their children for the last few years of their life was the norm then (and still is, in many countries).'

Difference is, the rise of dementia.

50 years ago, you had fewer cases of advanced dementia or death from dementia than now.

Something else usually took out the person before that.

And when something else took a person out, it was generally a lot faster than it does now, with medical advances to prolong life.

The trade-off is that more intense and advanced care is needed to look after the elderly as they live longer, round the clock care in the case of many advanced dementia patients (Sundowner's Syndrome, for example).

what a stupid idea,

I think Baroness Deech is a pillock to start with anyway, but even more so now.

Everyone has different relationships with their parents and children, their own circumstances and their own mind. It?s not quite as simple as this stupid bloody woman makes out.

Well, I always thought the last thing I'd do would be look after aging parent/s. No, no, cramp my style etc. As it happens, the moment I realised how frail my mum had become there was no doubt in my mind that that was what I was going to do. DH and I had sold our place and were looking for somewhere, so mum sold hers, we put the lot together and all moved in. Mum had a completely separate flat within the house, with kitchen bathroom, bedroom and sitting room.

If you'd told me 20 years ago I was going to do that I'd have laughed at you.

It was a pleasure having her here. She and DH got on brilliantly, adored each other. She and dd the same. She and I had our moments as would any mum/daughter act, but nothing serious. We all miss her dreadfully.

If I'd had no choice, now that would have been a different matter.

The sad reality of this is that it's not 'people' who will be expected to look after their elderly parents, it will be women who are expected to do it.

This is the clear payback for having the audacity to ask grandparents to help us out with childcare, so that we can go to work. How very dare we!

(Not that grandparents doing any care was an option for us, as both sets of grandparents lived too far away).

It depends what the alternative is, doesn't it? We are about to hit a mega 'bulge' of old people with not enough younger ones to support them.

If the choice is looking after your parent yourself (be that in person or by paying someone else to do it) or having your parent in an industrial sized home lined up in a chair sat on an incontinence mat in front of a TV that they cannot chose the programme on all day every day, never going out, being on a conveyor belt for bedtime and getting up.....what are you going to choose? Hard hearted person to leave them in a home like that. I can't see society going any other way though. I don't want to pay double the tax I am now.......

What a good way to save the government money. Make it the law (again) for the elderly to be cared for by their family.

If you love them, then you want to be there for them of course - but being the one to do the physical care is just not practical for many people. It doesn't mean they don't love them, or want the best for them.

Caring for someone 24/7 is one of the most demanding and stressful jobs imaginable. Even the most devoted and loving of people can find it an enormous struggle or buckle completely under the weight of it all.

To insinuate that it?s something we should ALL be doing is ludicrous and proof if ever any was needed that this woman is barking mad.

Yes, but Avril, she'll be the first to declare it's all because she 'works hard'.

Implying anyone else who doesn't have that kind of wealth, including the people who work in care homes, are inherently feckless.

I don't know why anyone gives this woman press.

She's a waste of space.

This is a slight deviation but currently, it seems that there are increasing numbers of people aged between about 25yrs-60yrs who are quite vocal about how they would prefer to end their lives if they ever lose their faculties, rather than become a burden on their families/society. IMO, this has come about because so many people in this age range now have experience of what it is like to care for, or to live with, much older relatives who have Alzheimer's, dementia, etc. and they have been horrified by what they have seen and do not want it for themselves.

Going forwards, my view is that the law in the UK will eventually change to allow people to end their lives.