Lying to children

[cleanandclothed]

Article in the Times here
I find the whole article but especially the list at the end, extraordinary. I would never contemplate lies about 'policemen coming to get you' or 'going to jail if you don't go to bed'!!! I was expecting something much more nuanced about Father Christmas

Am v. jealous of all of you with children who believe you have eyes in the back of your head. Ds never fell for that one, despite my own mother/various friends backing me up. Darn him!

I must be rubbish at lying then. DS laughed at me when I told him I would stick him in the dustbin if he didn't behave.

I have to tell the whole of mumsnet this one. My MIL told DH when he was a child that he had to have his fingernails clipped because the birds need them to make their nests. She would then leave them on the windowsill. 19 years later when he went to university he still believed it.

Re the more serious point of whether you should lie to your children, it depends on the spirit in which it is done. I would never tell mean lies (that sound like a proper threat) - but joking with them that if they don't behave they will spend the night in the garage or whatever is fine.

What I mean is that if they know it is a joke then it is fine.

What a mad list at the end of the article - imagine the therapy bills you'll end up paying! A couple of my sons friends (6yo) have picked up on the Madeleine McCann publicity recently and are already worried about children disappearing, imagine telling them that a scary man would come and get them if they didn't sleep .

Nothing wrong with telling your kids that there's no ice cream left and all the chocolate they saw in the cupboard yesterday was a present and has been given away, though, is there?

I worked from home yesterday. TO prevent dh from getting nothing from dd but " mummy mummy" all day, we pretended I went out to work then I snuck into the study and stayed there all day. Periodically dh put cups of tea and a pasta lunch on the stairs... When it got time to go home he took dd to the toilet and I opended then shut the front door and came in. (she is 2 btw, and wouldn't really understand mummy ignoring her for a whole day...). I did feel daft tho!

White lies are ok as long as you are able to talk your way out of the consequences. I told my son that he came from the boy shop when he asked me about 'where babies come from'! Now he wants to come with me to go and get another one!

I would never ever lie to my children regarding scary men coming to get them - they'd never go to sleep, but do lie about things like Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy, etc.

My best lie was when dd2 decided she didn't like boiled eggs at the same moment as they were cooked - I crushed it up with a fork and told her it was scrambled

i don't think it is actually about whether or not the kids believe the "lies"..i think it is more about how a parent will lie as opposed to resorting to other more effort requiring means and the message this sends to the kids.Yeah,we all do it I think when we are helpless, tired or just feel plain lazy? kids are ever so demanding and well not everybody can find the energy and mental alertness etc to handle this 24/7! but I do know deep inside it is a cheap way out

To a certain extent, yes, for example the Santa thing. We have a rat an alien and a rabbit in the house...none of these have actually harmed anybody. She is a bit scared of the alien -I think too much HOTH putting Dr Who on maybe-but he is the Toy Story kind...and mainly just sits there...

I wonder where the author got that list of example lies from.. ones he used himself, or examples from the US Study he was discussing? Rubbish list though.

If you DARE to punish your child for lying to you when you set the example for lying to it, that makes you a hypocrite.

Scary threatening lies (scary man) or lies of control (shops are shut) are bad... Fun fantastical lies when a child is initiated into the lying fun are fine IMO.

I am adopting my friend's "lie" for the run up to Christmas. She tells her children that every time they are naughty Father Christmas takes a toy out of their stocking and replaces it with a brussels sprout. They always get a few sprouts in their stockings and are left wondering what they would have got if they had been good.

Now that's really evil, chickbean, I like your friend's style.

Question, most people are hypocrites at some level, otherwise we'd never live with ourselves. Hey, I'm fundamentally opposed to torture and war crimes but haven't got my act together to overthrow the government*, or even worked out exactly how many companies and products I have to avoid in order not to fund any sweatshops in the third world.

*It's no. 532 on my 'to do' list, right after 'finding all the odd socks in the house and marrying them up with their pairs'. So probably not achievable this decade. (Just in case Harry Pearce, Lucas and Ruth out of Spooks are checking...)

DH fibs to the children loads - fantasical lies - they just look at him and say "don't joke". Even the 2 year old.

When eating chocolate i tell mine that "no they can't have any, because my chocolate is poisonus to children!" Would never tell scary lies though.

My Dh regularly tells LO that if the icecream van plays a tune its out of icecream. When we were away with my folks last year, my DM tried this as it was near to teatime and my LO went "Let just go and check Nanny! He might have a littel left!" I was for ages afterwards!

both my dd's have ceoliacs and following my dad's example when we bought him some really nice chocs for his birthday and he told them they were made of purest gluten, I have been known to tell them something has gluten in (if I bought it for me, and have been looking forward to it, and everyone else has treats) actually that is really evil isn't it, I will never do that again seeing how it sounds.

You can't NEVER lie to your children. Yesterday a large parcel of christmas presents arrived at our house. I thought that saying it was 'private things for mummy's work' was probably kinder and avoided any problems than being honest and saying 'oh its toys but you can't see them'. I had hoped that the parcel would arrive on her nursery day but no, post was inconveniantly quick.

I agree that you can't never lie, to your children and throughout life. Not all lies are bad.

IloveDolly - so true!
We got a parcel a week ago containing some plastic bits for a cupboard we are building - DS (nearly 2) saw it and DH (for god alone knows what reason) saw fit to tell DS it was a present for him - cue DS trying to get into the box for the next half hour until I had to open it to SHOW him there was nothing in it for him (I was going to say nothing "of interest" but actually he was quite keen on taking the plastic things away and playing with them - I wasn't!)

If things arrive ahead of time, I would have no compunction in telling a small fib about what the parcel contains.
Why do it, to them and yourself?

LOVING the sprout lie, will definitely be nicking that one!

I have recently discovered that DH 'manages' DD (3) when I am working late/early by responding to any and all requests with "not now, but Mummy will do/cook/buy/find it tomorrow"

I told my 2yo today that if he unscrewed his tummy button (which he was fiddling with) his toes would fall off and he just laughed.

I did feel quite weird telling him about Father Christmas for the first time this week as I never lie to him so it was odd to do.