Lying to children

[cleanandclothed]

Article in the Times here
I find the whole article but especially the list at the end, extraordinary. I would never contemplate lies about 'policemen coming to get you' or 'going to jail if you don't go to bed'!!! I was expecting something much more nuanced about Father Christmas

Pleased someone else read this pile of tripe carefully researched feature. There's an interesting discussion to be had about how much truth you tell your children, but telling them crocodiles are living under the freezer???? Frankly if that's your idea of skilled parenting you deserve every contemptuous look your kids ever give you.

Do you think children believe all those lies? I mean, I threaten to eviscerate my children when they are annoying me. They don't think I'm going to do it. It just takes some of the tension out of the situation.

I don't think they believe me...

"How does she cope if one of her children has a screaming fit in a supermarket without telling him or her that a crocodile lives under the freezer and comes out to eat naughty boys and girls?"

Seriously, is this what parents do? If so, presumably they're trying to startle the child out of the tantrum, or distract them looking for the crocodile, rather than it being a genuine lie?

Exactly AMIS. It takes the heat out of the moment IME.

Now that one's

The list at the end are certainly odd though - "If you don?t go to sleep, a scary man will take you away." - my son would never have gone into his bedroom if I'd suggested there could ever be a scary man in there!

I don't lie to my son, but that doesn't always mean I have to be 100% honest with him - back when he started playing violin I didn't tell him every time he hit a bad note, because it is discouraging to hear lots of criticism. So I'd say "it sounded better the second time through", not "pretty awful both times actually". That's politeness, not lying...

What a strange article. I agree that the list at the end is bizarre.
I honestly don't know anyone who would talk to their children in this manner.
Surely "If you don't go to sleep a nasty man will come and get you" is the least persuasive argument imaginable to help a child relax and go to sleep.
I tell the children that if they don't brush their teeth they will decay and that I will get in trouble if they don't wear seatbelts in the car- these are both true, no need for lies at all.

There is a huge difference between scary lies - "a scary man will take you away" and white lies.

My Dad was brilliant at inane lies. How he kept a straight face with some of them I will never know.

I found this rather telling about the so called expert:

"How does she cope if one of her children has a screaming fit in a supermarket without telling him or her that a crocodile lives under the freezer and comes out to eat naughty boys and girls? ?I do the hard thing,? she says. ?I leave the shopping and go home.? "

Sorry but leaving the supermarket if your child is having a tantrum is not the "hard thing" it is a cop out. You may as well give a green light for a tantrum everytime you go to a supermarket.

I'm sure I have done. Occasionally to get them to get them to walk home quicker I'll say quick I can hear the monsters coming but its all part of a bigger game where there are washing machine eating monsters and is done in a fun way. I dont think Iwould ever scare them like that because knowing my lot it would come back and bite me in the bum at bedtime

Yes - dealing with a tantrum in the supermarket is not best dealt with by giving in to them! Child quickly learns "I don't like supermarkets. When I do this I don't have to go to supermarkets. Win!" The hard thing is to deal with the tantrum, and still manage to go home with the food you came out for. That's the measure of success in this instance!

I think there's a difference between feeding a child's imagination and lying in order to control them. I don't lie to instill fear into my children. I tell lies based around things like Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy and such like. I think telling children that a policeman will put them in jail, or a scary man will get them, in order to make them do things is a rather strange kind of parenting.

Father christmas.

Grandmas the brightest star in heaven.

Your dog didn't die when the car hit it, it just changed colour and is now a boy.

Your tongue turns purple when you lie.

We all tell untruths to make life a little easier but to scare the hell out of the child is just plain stupid.

My ex sister in law used to tell my nephew of the closet monster who would get him if he didn't sleep, but then she had a poor example of a mother.

It's the parenting, not the lie that counts.

Bizarre list of lies at the end of that article. Not so much 'the lies we love to tell' but 'the lies this journalist tells and didn't have enough time/couldn't be bothered to ask anyone else a little more sensible'.

I would think anyone with half a brain knows that threatening children that the police will take them away is a v. bad idea for lots of reasons.

Although I was once told off by a copper when ds was little for using said PC as an excuse. Ds was having tantrum after tantrum. I Spotted two police men getting out of their car and said 'Look, if you don't start behaving yourself, those police men will tell you off'. Copper looked over at me, pulled a really hurt face, and said: 'We are nice to children you know!'

Civilised life would very soon grind to a halt if we all told the truth.

Agree that the list of lies was pathetic though. I told and tell my dcs much bigger better ones than that.

I must be a bad parent, I've used the police threat to get DS to do his seat belt up. To my knowledge he has not been scarred for life

MY 16 yr old tells his 8 yr old brother "you're adopted and nobody loves you" and then they both collapse laughing.

When dgs was terrified of the church tower which he could see from his bedroom window we told him that the 'megabloks'king would protect him and now he sleeps happily with said king by the bed!

I have since time began told my son that there is always one sausage in the pack thats half the size of the others (so I can snaffle half a sausage straight out of the pan of course!).

I tell my children little lies, to make my life easier. I even started a thread about it last week. I don't think it harms them.

But I would never say anything about monsters to scare or frighten them.

i tell mine huge whoppers -i think its parenting at it's best

awful to tell scary lies
My only lies are of the "no choc buttons left" sort, DS only 2 tho

i told ds that i will take him to a police station so that a police man can tell him off when he took his seatbelt off wilst we were driving once. he has not taken it off since.

ive also told little lies such as 'oh, that toy shop is shut today so we cant go in there' them sort of lies just to make a situation easier and to avoid a fuss.

i would never scare him with monsters etc that would terrify him.

I do lie, as long as its innocent not scary or depressing the child, i odnt see the harm. Parents lie for their own good.
At the moment, we do " Santa watching you"
Stealthpolarbear, wait till your dc gets bigger, 2 year old is too young to lie or understand what you mean.

No of course I never fib to the children!