Teenage girls should be prepared not to expect it all

[BecauseImWorthIt]

here

This has made me really angry.

Where is the education for boys? Why are our future citizens (female only) being told that babies/childcare are their responsibility only, whereas their male counterparts can, clearly, expect to have it all?

I agree that these discussions should be had with boys as much as girls to highlight their responsibilities for children etc.

But isn't this all about women having choice now. They can stay home with kids, work full time or work part time and do a bit of both. What makes the mum happy by and large will be good for the kids. We cannot say it is good for all mothers to stay home with young kids as if they hate it then that's no good for anyone. I know it did not suit me but my DH was great at it so he stayed home. I prefer to work PT and stay home PT.

I think it is great now that women can, more than before at least, feel free to choose from a range of options. i think that men should be encourage to do so too

daftpunk I was at home until my dd started school but don't think that should be the woman.

I agree that childreb should be the priority, who would not, but that is the priority of the family and not the woman alone.

Dp and I had a discussion when it became clear that we wanted to spend our lives togther about who would do what. (dd is from a previous marriage) I loved being at home but I did miss working, we also feel that my job has a greater benefit to society and I am naturally more amibitious. He does not really enjoy working and likes running a home. As a teacher I also get the holidays so I can earn a full time wage but spend a good few weeks at home. So we spent a few years with both of us working, me part time and then when I gradually worked up to full time. He then dropped his hours and now works from home and combines that with dropping dd off at school picking her up and running the house.

For us it did not make sense for me to be the one at home. Hopefully a baby will soon be on its way and I will take my six months and then go back to work full time with dp being at home. I think! You never really know.

no...can't do that....2 players out till december....1 for longer..

oh well...will have to lose 12 points and hopefully make them up...

dziekuje..

morosky....i have chatted with you a few times on here....you always sound so together and sensible....i like reading your posts....

I wqent back to work full time when my daughter was 9 months old and I am happier for it, and I bleieve that I am a better mother to her now than when I was at home, because the time together is now much more quality time than when I was ith her 24/7.

She loves going to nursery, where she's offered so much activity and stimulation, and still gets all the cuddles she wants.

I'm having my cake,I'm eating it and it tastes bloody great.

If I thought my child was unhappy, or if I or my husband were unhappy we'd change the situation, but we can't see any reason too.

excuse bad typing, breastfeeding and typing at the same time still isn't easy...

Sensible is one of my pet hates, I am always the sensible on in my family!

But I know it was a compliment, thankyou daftpunk

This isn't about women deciding if they're going to SAH or WOH.

It's about the assumption that all childcare responsbilities rest with women.

And it so, so, so shouldn't be like this.

Until men accept the fact that children and childcare are important issues, we will never, ever give women true equality.

Why is that so hard to understand?

And so many women on here moan about the hours that their husbands/partners are keeping, how little time they spend with their children, etc, etc - because the reality is that those men either don't want to spend more time at home or - most likely the case - are in a workplace where it isn't seen to be acceptable to want to spend time looking after/being with their children.

So why aren't these 'barriers' or 'future limitations' being talked about with young men? Why is it only with girls?

I'm with you BecauseImWorthIt

Children need a parent(s) looking after them, parent(s) chosing their childcare, parent(s) spending time with them etc.

Why oh why is the assumption that this will all fall to the mother?????

Hurrah!

You are preaching to the conveted BIWI, our decision making process was not concerned with what does or does not hang between our legs.

if you want complete equality then fathers would have to work part-time..or not at all...

totally unfeasible

Why daftpunk? That is exactly what happens in my house?

daftpunk the decision based on who would work and would do childcare was based on our individual preferences at that time nothing else fortunately I wanted to be at home, he wanted to work.

When I return to work dh will reduce his hours so we will both be part time.

Erm, I work full time, my hubby works part time. Totally feasible, thanks.

ok...but just because it happens in your house doesn't mean it can happen in every house.

most men don't want to be at home changing nappies and pushing buggies around parks...

can you blame them...?

the human race has survived for 1000's of years with women being the main care giver......

why do some women want men to change...?

it's leftie political bollocks.....

But when we start education children/teens that parenting is a joint venture and a joint responsibility then options for women will change.

"most would give up when they had children and go back when the children started school...(if they went back at all)....that's how it should be."

What complete and utter reactionary nonsense. Are you seriously saying that a woman's place is in the home once she has children?

Blimey.

Why would all women want to do something that all mean don't? There is much more to being a full time parent than pushing buggies and changing nappies.

I don't think there are desires or personalities that are solely attached to a gender. There is simply a great variety of human behaviour. I have not sought to change my man, I knew my wants, desires and traits so sought someone who would compliment them.

I am quite selfish, very driven and not very good at housework. I therefore chose to be a parents with someone less selfish than me, good around the house and less driven in terms of career. We both however share ideas about parenting, so we make a good team.

I am a leftie liberal but I don't particularly think that is relevant here, dp is very far from being a leftie liberal.

Exactly cargirl, I hope my dd has no idea of what is "women's" or "men's" work. She just sees that we do things that make us happy.

Dh & I are equally good parents.

However I am better at cooking.

I was very unhappy at work so it made more sense that I gave up. I actually earned slightly more than him and have better "career prospects"

If I decide to pursue them then he would take over the childcare duties in order for us to achieve that goal.

Morosky you are doing what works well for your family...that's fantastic...

but most men are different to women.... and thank god...because if they wern't we wouldn't have an army, or a fire service, or half the police force....or maybe all those men should be at home cooking....?

i need to get some sleep

Daftpunk said:

"most men don't want to be at home changing nappies and pushing buggies around parks"

How do you know? How do you know what most men would want? How do you know that most men wouldn't want the opportunity to spend more time with their children?

"can you blame them...?"

This statement implies that there is something less than desirable about spending time with your children. That it's a chore. If you felt it was a chore, why not give your partner the chance to do it - he may have enjoyed it more than you did?

"The human race has survived for 1000's of years with women being the main care giver". So it has. This doesn't mean that we should carry on and preserve this way of life. Lots of things have happened to improve our lives, like electricity, telecommunications, etc. Why should we ignore things have significantly improved our standards of living?

"why do some women want men to change...?" Because some of us who are intelligent would like to see opportunities for us being open in the way that they are for our male counterparts. And I don't think many men would change, actually - I think it's about changing the culture so that men feel able to ask for such change.

"it's leftie political bollocks"

It's absolutely nothing to do with party politics.

You get women in all of those careers.

I do genuinely believe that most of the differences between men and women are socially constructed. I think you may be right in the fact that perhaps dp and I have managed to push aside those constructions earlier than many other families but I do think things are changing.

The fact that we are doing it shows that it is feasible.

You people must move in very different circles to me.

If you want to reverse traditional roles, just do it! It's between you and your DH. There should be no 'should' about it. We live in a free country.

When I was a SAHM, DH was slightly envious because he could see that I had total control over my day and didn't have to answer to a boss. Who wouldn't want that life (as long as money was coming in)?

Now that I am working fulltime, we share chores (not in a mathematical way, we just do what needs to be done and gravitate towards our strengths). We also expect our kids to do their fair share from a very young age.

DH earns about 4x what I earn, but he's the one who has to respond to childcare emergencies. He has more power to direct his own time in his job than I have in mine.

I really don't get this lack of equality thing. If you want it, then claim it. If you want to whinge and expect government to legislate it, then do that too but don't expect everyone to agree with you.