Teenage girls should be prepared not to expect it all

[BecauseImWorthIt]

here

This has made me really angry.

Where is the education for boys? Why are our future citizens (female only) being told that babies/childcare are their responsibility only, whereas their male counterparts can, clearly, expect to have it all?

ITA re boys being told that too! And also that it's OK for them to want to go part-time after children, not just because they ought to be willing to share the work, but but because it's OK for them to want to do that, too.

For neither girls nor boys should it be seen as a sign of selling out or wimping out if they do anything other than working full time outside the home.

Some careers have long hours or hours that are not compatible with childcare. But do they really have to be set up that way? Could this be rearranged? Is 'facetime' absolutely necessary? Or is a lot of the hourly presence at the office or workplace required just to satisfy some ego needs of the managerial cadre? "Facetime' requirements and the culture that requires visible hovering around the boss have the effect of putting an impenetrable glass ceiling in the way of career and pay advancement of many family oriented employees, sadly mostly women with children.

Sellotapeepatolles, I agree, if you know as a school-leaver that you'll eventually want kids, this might influence your career choice & that could well be a positive trhing.

But I think everyone (OK, not daftpunk) is pretty much in agreement that yep, when you have children you have to work out whether it's desirable/feasible/essential/plain bloody-minded to want to carry on working as you did pre-dc.

& it's probably a good idea if that's something that schools at least mention.

SGB said it better, but I think the main point is: the boys need to be hearing this too.

x posted with your second post sello! Sorry

daftpunkSat 14-Nov-09 20:18:04
women can't have it all...it's true.
who wants to kill themselves trying to juggle a full-time job and a couple of kids...?

Some of us don't have a choice.

daftpunkSat 14-Nov-09 20:33:57
can't remember where i read it, but something like 85% of working women would give up if they could....they were working purely for financial reasons and felt constantly tired and stressed...
plus, women even when they work full-time will still do the majority of the house-work....
feminism has killed women.....we are working twice as hard as we were 50 years ago....

I have to work but if I could afford it would work for nothing, I adore my job so I certainly would not be part of that 85%. Women need to stand up for themselves if they are being taken advantage of. My dp works part time from home and does 80% of the housework.

notnews.today.com/2009/11/14/school-head-boys-should-be-realistic-about-careers-and-fatherhood/

SueW thank you so much for that link, because it led me to this one

I don't have a problem with the article.

She is addressing the girls school, so is only talking about what girls should be taught about expectations. Just because she doesn't mention the responsibilities of fathers, it doesn't mean they don't have any. Actually, she does say the father has to be supportive.

I actually think there is nothing wrong with girls thinking they can have a good career and become good mothers. I thought that and I worked hard for my career. I came to the realisation that my job would have to come second whilst I was pregnant, and now I'm so wrapped up in ds that I'm not at all worried about going back part time and not progressing for a while. However, because I did work hard it means that when the time is right I will be able to continue up the ladder, just a few years later than originally planned

If a teacher had told me that I would feel like this about my career when I was a teenager I would have thought 'what's the point?' and not bothered working so hard.

I really do think it depends on the person. I am finding it extremely hard to "have it all" right now and wish I could stay home with my DS. I'm just not an organized person, and holding down as many work hours as I do and trying to care for DS and keep the house in some semblance of order is killing me. (And yes, DH does his share but is home far less than I am, so most of the household stuff falls to me.) But that's just who I am. When I was a nanny, the woman I worked for loved her work and was there 50-60 hours a week. It was the right choice for her, but I wouldn't have been able to do it.

DH and I were just talking about it the other day, and he thinks it's odd that I want to stay home. He thinks that if he couldn't get the intellectual fulfillment he does at work he'd go mad. But I'm truly happy at home; I love to cook and read and take long walks with the dog and DS and the billion other things I fill my day with. I feel ashamed admitting that sometimes, though, because people jump on it and act as though I'm anti-feminist. I'm not, I just know what makes me happy.

Working full time and having children isn't for everyone, and I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing that out.

well, regards parents feeling they have no choice but to both work, because of mortgage/car(s) etc.... I would think that in the majority that's through lack of thinking longterm at the time of setting up said lifestyle.

As an example, I recently advised my little sister, who's 26 and househunting with her other half, to forego the enormous mortgage and palatial manor they are searching for at the moment as DINKs and consider what they can afford on one salary.
EIther one of their salaries. Mother or father, it does not matter.

I think one issue is that as dual-income-no-kids happy young thing it's easy to forget that down the line, if it's the 4bed garden/garage family home you are buying for the future children, well then, you'd better sort out the finances so that it is condusive to actual, pleasant, non-killing-yourself-family life.

In the case of my sister, this is exactly what they are doing. Oooh, we want a big house as we want to get married and have children some point soon, and therefore looking at mortgage payments they can pay back in their current situation (two Cambridge-graduated engineers working for big multi-nationals- i.e., plenty of cash ) In that situation they will never be able to afford for one of them to give up work.

Sensible and long term financial and family planning is what should be taught to school girls/boys if we are trying to help people be happier later in life, IM humble O.

Agree biwi - no, the reality is that it's hard to have it all. But not impossible and if girls are told to limit their ambitions it lets boys off scot free. Infuriating!

It's all very well the head of the GSA saying these things, but what are girls' own mothers telling them?

We should be the ones educating our own daughters (and sons), saying 'you might want to stay home with your kids' or 'that career might not be very easy to stay in if you want to work PT' or 'if you want a high-flying career you want to marry someone who wants to be a SAHP'

I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM because my mum always spoke about the options she had and what she had enjoyed in her life (being a SAHM), and even before we got married I told DH I would not want to work when we had small children. He could not understand it - his mum had worked FT and he thought that was just what people do. I actually work PT but after the next baby I will quit altogether.

I am very much like daftpunk in that I have set my life up so I can stay at home (lucky to have a high-earning DH too) and I think that is the best for my family and my kids, but I don't believe it is the best situation for every family.

The next generation of women really might be able to 'have it all' in that they will WOHM if they want to and will not also have to do all the childcare and housework too . But we have to make that happen for them by preparing them and our sons for how they can really achieve that balance.

I think her advice is quite useful and I would pass it on to my girls.

In a nutshell, she's saying:
'Don't be too harsh on yourself, be comfortable with your choices and don't let the feckers get to you'.

Fair enough.

edam;

i have nothing but respect for working mothers....it can't be easy, but my opinion is, when you have children they become your priority.
women have always worked, but most would give up when they had children and go back when the children started school...(if they went back at all)....that's how it should be.

morosky;

i understand that alot of women have no choice.....i don't know what the answers are...but feminism has caused alot of these problems.....women wanted it all....now they have it all.....i doubt women are any happier than they were 50 years ago.

....i have 3 injured players...no free transfers....what do i do..? i'll never beat you now....shall i give up..? >>

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