I can't believe she will be able to adopt

[2chocolateshoes]

poor child

if she were my child I would prefer her to be adopted by madonna than left in an orphange.

I don't understand why it matters whether she adopts her or abroad. Still a child kept out of the care system which can be no bad thing.

I don't agree with the OP.

The first child she adopted lived in an orphanage in the most appalling conditions. This second child has no mother and presumably is also living in an orphanage. I think she is doing some good here, and I don't think it should be knocked.

I would rather my child was adopted by a family who would love them, than be left in an orphanage.

Also - I don't know Madonna personally I do not know what home studies she has or hasn't had. I don't trust the media one iota to get their facts right before reporting. I have no idea how often Madonna spends with her children and how they manage childcare whilst she is working, or if the children travel with her and are home ed, with tutors, etc. I have no idea how their finances wor and how much or little the children will have to do to "get n in the world" when they are older.

As I have no idea of any of this and there is no way of knowing the truth (as the media is not reliable generally in such cases) I can't form an opinion on whether the adoption i right or not.

However in general it must almost always be better for a child to be adopted into a loving family than be left in an orphange - whether that orphange is in the UK, the US or elsewhere. IMO orphanges cannot be the very best place for many children especially long term.

That'd be the father who left his son in an orphanage and never visited him once, would it?

Who says the orphange keeps kids in appalling conditions? I haven't seen this orphange but have plenty of others in Africa. I've always thought conditions were good. I've seen kids in crummy flats in this country in far worse conditions and being treated far worse by their families.

As for David's father not visiting him at the orphanage - probably because it was some distance away on shitty roads and would have taken him over a day to walk there, he had no transport and was busy working.

I read that Mercy's uncle lives 5 miles away from the capital and has never been there in his life. Distances in Africa are a lot more than the same distance here.

Quattrocento i am glad people haven't all agreed with me(that would be boring)
it is interesting to see different opinions

There are so many many reasons why she would not be able to adopt if she were a normal human being.

The child is more than 40 years younger than her.
She has undergone a major life event i.e. acrimonious divorce
She has recently adopted a young child
She will not be caring for this child herself and will be unlikely to take at least 6 mth to devote herself to the sole care of this vunerable, traumatised child.
She is v.white, the child is v.black
What about her other kids. THEY have just lost their Dad. Do they really need another huge thing happening in their lives right now?

I cannot bear it, truly. Its disgusting that children are sold in this way. Its not adoption IMO.

There are so many many reasons why she would not be able to adopt if she were a normal human being.

The child is more than 40 years younger than her.
She has undergone a major life event i.e. acrimonious divorce
She has recently adopted a young child
She will not be caring for this child herself and will be unlikely to take at least 6 mth to devote herself to the sole care of this vunerable, traumatised child.
She is v.white, the child is v.black
What about her other kids. THEY have just lost their Dad. Do they really need another huge thing happening in their lives right now?

I cannot bear it, truly. Its disgusting that children are sold in this way. Its not adoption IMO.

I am more than 40 years older than my (adopted) DD. She is Chinese, I am white. Mercy is not being sold, nor was my daughter. Both are legal adoptions.

I don't see a problem in their different colour; like Florence, we are a racially mixed family (have other mixes too, what with stepchildren etc) and this is not a problem.

I accept that America may allow concurrent adoptions (doesn't seem a brilliant idea to me, as it might potentially unsettle the first adopted child).

But I do wonder how her lifestyle can really gain the approval of the person doing the home study. Either she won't be there a lot of the time, or the child will have to go on tour, which sounds very unsettling after the whole upheaval of being adopted.

Florence I dont know anything about your adoption and so would therefore never suggest you 'bought' you daughter. I was talking specifically about Madonna. The vast majority of agencies do not allow a bigger than 40 year age gap between adopter and child.

Agencies rarely approve a match between two such diverse ethnic backgrounds.

I am not making a judgement. I am stating the facts.

A lot of people on here appear to have a very indepth knowledge of Madonna and her family. Do you all know her then?

Well its common knowledge that she is 50, has recently adopted and has recently divorced.

All these things would make adoption for a 'normal' person very difficult.

I think people have an indepth knowledge of the adoption system rather than Madonna.

Well...people will be happy now, I suppose, that she is not allowed to adopt this little girl....

Yep.

There are reasons why people are required to reside in a country for a certain amount of time. Its incredibly hard on the majority of prospective parents. They do it though. Why should MS M be excluded?

No one has the RIGHT to adopt a child.

I dont know why I am expected to feel sympathy for this woman. There are plenty of couples trying to adopt that deserve far more sympathy and support [hmmm]

It's unreasonable to expect someone to reside for 18-24 months in another country in order to adopt a child. DH and I spent 10 days in China whilst adopting DD.

Sadly many MNetters are happy that a little girl has been denied a mother

FoA - I think that is a teeny bit disingenous. I think there are good reasons why this adoption has been stopped and they have nothing to do with denying a child a mother. Children from 3rd world countries are not commodities to be sold to the highest bidder.

Thank you spicemonster.

Florence, this thread is not about you and your daughter. Unless you are Madonna?

This is a about a spoilt, rich woman who lives on another planet, selecting a child to add to her fantasy family.

She is not in a position to adopt a child. She has recently divorced and should be concentrating on the welfare of her current children. Do you honestly think these children who have just witnessed the very public seperation of their parents, need another huge life event right now?

Why is life with Madonna so automatically preferable to life in a well run children's home with attachments to other children and extended family?

Chegirl - you have brought your experience as a mother into discussions on MN, I'm doing the same and, as I'm the mother of a child who was adopted from another country, I think it has some relevance.

I have answered your last question on the newer thread about Madonna's adoption plans.

Florence- I can understand why you feel people are criticising adoption from abroad generally, but I dont think this is really what is going on.

I am presuming that you thought carefully about how your adoption would affect you and your new child, and took time to arrange your life to ensure that both you and the child had time to settle and bond and that she feels loved and secure. That is clearly a win win situation for everyone.

I object to the Madonna situation because I suppose I do not feel her priority is the children. I dont see her (or angelina-mother-of-the-year) saying things like 'I am going to put everything on hold for the next year to make sure my children are settled and secure' etc. The critism arises from the fact that being the offspring of a committed mega star would be difficult for anyone. It is not an ideal environment to start slotting in a series of children who have already had a hard start in life, without seemingly making any concessions as a parent to helping them settle. I would feel this way about any child she want to adopt , but I do think adding a new language food religion and culture to the mix is unlikely to help.

I am sure Mercy would benefit from a loving family life (if she has not chance of it in Malawi) but I dont think a loving stable family life is what she is likely to get from Madonna.

I know I am judging a woman I have never met, but I suppose I am making an assessment of the sort of personality it takes to be and maintain being, and in fact want to be, the sort of mega star she is. I dont think that personality type is ideally suited to managing the needs of children in this situation.

Florence you have spoken about your daughter's adoption and Madonna's attempt as if they are the same thing.

No one has said you shouldnt have been allowed to adopt your daughter

I have not criticised overseas adoption either.

I have criticised Madonna's attempt to adopt for the reasons given by Cathpot.