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Original poster

I never wanted this many children. I wanted babies.

90 replies

TrillianAstra · 18/02/2009 11:39

Another 'is it bad for the environment to have more than 2 chidren from the BBC website 'magazine' (which I quite like) but what really gets me is this quote:

"I never wanted this many children. I wanted babies. They got to a certain age and I wanted another. I love newborn babies"
says Emma who has 6 children aged 10 and under

Isn't this a bit like loving kittens and ending up with 20 cats because they don't stay as kittens for long?

And how would your children feel if you said you really only wanted babies (small, nonverbal beings) and that now they can talk and have personailties you're not so keen?

Or am I being a bit harsh here?

OP posts:
compo · 18/02/2009 11:41

I once asked my mum why she had 4 kids, she ws broody for 5 but my dad put his foot down, and her reply was 'I liked being pregnant'

LauriefairycakeeatsCupid · 18/02/2009 11:42

yuk, it's a horrible thing to say in my opinion. Childish and she probably has retarded emotional development.

Poor kids.

BitOfFun · 18/02/2009 11:47

I used to babysit for someone like this (she had six). When the eldest boy was 12 she tried to get is best friend's mum to "foster" him

It sounds bad, I agree, but I must admit I'd love another baby, but only part-time, and returnable after six months. So I will probably leave it...

NorthernLurker · 18/02/2009 11:48

I knew a woman at toddler group who obviously liked pregnancy and babies. It was shame that she couldn't cope with toddlers though - the treasured baby of one year became the ignored toddler of the next. It's very sad We need to think in terms of wanting another CHILD not baby.

belgo · 18/02/2009 11:48

I think it's a very honest comment. I love the baby stage and I will be very upset when I no longer have a baby in my arms. (But obviously I will still be very happy with my three children)

AMumInScotland · 18/02/2009 11:52

It's worrying isn't it, I mean, why not train as a nursery nurse or something, if you don't want them to grow up from the baby stage? I knew a woman at a toddler group who was planning to have a 4th child because oldest was going to be starting school and she felt she was "losing" him and wanted another baby at home to make up for it. I mean, WTF? What must it feel like to know your parents just aren't that interested in your life any more just because you're no longer completely in their control?!

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 18/02/2009 11:54

Of course it's entirely possible that she followed it up with 'now that I have all these children I love them' and the quote just got cut off there. I wonder if she's on MN?

(I tend to wonder that about most mothers that I see now )

Those are very sad stories BoF and NL, like a much worse version of 'a puppy is for life, not just for Christmas'.

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 18/02/2009 11:56

Yes but belgo you're not going to keep on having babies because you prefer that stage are you? Emma in the article says she wants babies - well babies grow up and you shouldn't bring them into the world if you can't cope with that!

MrsSchmaltzyMerryHenry · 18/02/2009 11:56

Yes, it's sad that whole human beings are brought into the world when they're only really desired for the first few months of their entire lifespan. There are so many wonderful, amazing things about all stages of life, what a sad loss to only really value the baby stage.

Haven't read the article yet but she most likely does need some sort of emotional healing.

ilovemydogandMrObama · 18/02/2009 11:57

I hated being pregnant and find newborns a bit, um, like hard work. Love love DD's age where she is asking about everything and the why why why constant questions.

But will also miss DS not being a baby anymore as he's so placid...

AitchTwoOh · 18/02/2009 11:58

i'd presume she was JOKING...

piscesmoon · 18/02/2009 11:59

I don't think that you are being harsh-the baby stage is so short-she would be much better getting a job with babies.

Reallytired · 18/02/2009 12:06

lol.... Most people with large families that I know love their older children as much as their babies.

Personally I loathe looking after babies, but I adore being with my seven year old. I also hate being pregnant.

My husband was saying he would like no. 3 in a few years time. I'm 31 weeks pregnant and suffering hell with sciatica. (I couldn't help thinking "where's the bricks!?!?")

KayHarker · 18/02/2009 12:07

Out of context quote, so impossible to judge. Could have been an answer to a very specific question, like 'Did you always want lots of children?' - so she gives her answer as to one of her motivations.

I never wanted to have a house impractically stuffed to the gills with books, but when I finished one, I wanted to read another.

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 18/02/2009 12:08

Books are rather easier to get rid of than children...

I do want a house stuffed to the gills with books, but I also want sufficient bookcases to hold them all.

OP posts:
FAQinglovely · 18/02/2009 12:11

I rather wish I the 6 months-approx 3yr stage as I find it such bloody hard work and a real drag .

If they could go from approx 6 months to 3yrs overnight I'd be on cloud 9

Oh and then if we could skip the stroppy 7/8yr old stage too that could be rather nice

AMumInScotland · 18/02/2009 12:11

Actually the article as a whole is fairly garbage. There's a graph titled "Rise in UK fertility" and the text refers to "UK fertility rates have not been this high since 1980". But if you actually look at the graph, it shows a big drop in the numbers of children since 1960, and the more recent trend (from 1980 onwards) looks more like a "levelling off" rather than a worrying increase.

If you had to draw a "best fit" line to fit that graph, it would be a decline followed by levelling, and levelling at less than 2 - ie not enough children to replace the current ageing population without immigration.

I accept that the worldwide human population is increasing, but these figures completely fail to show that it's the fault of UK mothers. (Oh, but everything that's wrong with the world is the fault of UK mothers, of course)

trixymalixy · 18/02/2009 12:12

God, I'm the opposite, I want children, but hate the baby stage!!!

I'm pregnant and I really hope I enjoy the first 18 months a bit more this time.

It is very sad for her children if that's what she really feels.

SoupDragon · 18/02/2009 12:13

I think that most people think of babies when they think of starting/adding to their family. I rather suspect there isn't anyone who thinks, wistfully, "ohh, I'd love a(nother) smelly teenage boy..."

KayHarker · 18/02/2009 12:14

I said impractically.. it simply means I don't have enough shelves

I really don't have an issue with the quote. If she now hates her children, that's one thing, but there's no indication of that. I loved having babies in the house, and I miss the fact that I don't have one now. If all things were equal, I'd have another, and yes, one of the reasons would be that I love babies.

Does anyone have children because they are completely indifferent to babies?

Original poster
TrillianAstra · 18/02/2009 12:15

AMumInScotland: apparently the long-term sustainable population for the UK is 30 million (it's about 60 now) so they (the 'Optimum Population trust - sounds like a loony organisation to me) want the birth rate to be lower than the 2.1 or so that is needed to maintain the population at current levels.

OP posts:
KayHarker · 18/02/2009 12:16

Which is barking, considering the booming elderly population that we can't look after properly as it is.

Flibbertyjibbet · 18/02/2009 12:29

I quite liked mine as babies but once ds2 was past the first 12m I knew I'd never do it again. I much prefer having little human beings around than new babies.

I have been heard to wonder aloud though, when mine are playing up, why we only get broody for the little baby stages and not the tantrumming 3 year old. After all, they are each equally just stages of being a person

AMumInScotland · 18/02/2009 12:40

I'll have to look up the "Optimum Population Trust" to decide whether they're talking complete nonsense or not . It rather depends what they mean by "sustainable population" - in population dynamics (zoology here rather than people) there is a concept of the "carrying capacity" for a species - that is in a sense the sustainable population, But in that case it depends on things like food supply, availability of nest sites, etc, and means that those beyond that number are likely to either starve or be unable to breed, and will therefore by nature either die off or at least not add to the population. I don't see any sign of that happening in the UK human population... possibly the avaiilability of turkey twizzlers and council flats makes it easier for people to survive and breed....

KayHarker · 18/02/2009 12:48