Quote: Controlfreaky...
i have tried to catch up with this...
xenia and others... children do not get permanently removed from their families because a parent calls them stupid now and then or doesnt hug them. really they don't. as stated by me before the criteria that has to be met before a full care or supervision order can be made is that of significant harm. that is not a trivial test. you are scaremongering and misunderstanding if you keep posting otherwise.
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They are not scaremongering hun, not in any way shape or form. Do you want to know what happened with my own child? As i have already said, she was sexually abused. A few months later, she FINALLY began counselling, something which she had been denied during the court process in case it interfered with her evidence. What bollocks. Still. She started counselling..i tried to talk to the counsellor, given that we as parents were offered fuck all in the way of support, she seemed to be my only point of discussion, unfortunately she didn't see it like this, she saw it as i was taking over my daughters' time with her, which maybe i was, but i was desperate, she only saw my daughter once a week, for the rest of the time i had to deal with the fallout from my daughters' point of view, of the court experience AND the abuse itself, so i needed help as well, i did suggest a seperate appointment with her but she refused, i said surely it could only benefit my DD if you help me as well, so i can help her, (she was having nightmares, refusing to eat, terrified of the dark, oh, and was being a complete little SHIT to me and DS, understandable, but that didn't make it easier to deal with..) I had terrible feelings of guilt given that i had been abused myself as a child, and protected DD to the point of being obsessive, but the one person i chose to trust had done the unspeakable to her..its a dreadful feeling, of feeling you haven't protected your baby from a monster.
It finally came to the point where we (my mother and i) were offered a place on a mothers' group, for abused kids.
Well, we attended every single one, and do you know, the agenda was full of SHIT about what is an abuser, and there was a SW there who worked with abusers and seemed to spend most of her time defending them, everyone was angry and felt they could not be open about their kids behaviour since the abuse came out, for fear of the SW's saying 'emotional abuse!!!! ' and taking their kids, this was 7 years ago by the way so the idea of SW's abusing the emotional abuse route is NOT a new one.
So we all sat through pie charts of what makes a dirty bastard do things to kids, and explainations of why we should not feel guilty which sounded good from a book but these sw's should try living it for real before quoting from a fucking BOOK where the author probably knows shit all and is living in dream world as well.
And we sat outside smoking cigarettes and telling each other the REAL dark stories, how we were angry at the abuser and wanted to kill him, something shouted down in the meetings as 'non constructive' the stories of being angry at the kids for not telling us, angry at ourselves for not knowing, ok, all irrational or unfair, but all natural emotions, and valid..
The nighmares, the bedwetting, the powerless feelings through court, wishing it had never came out, being glad it did, wishing the SS hadn't become involved, the feeling of having no one to speak to, no one who truly understood, the list is endless.
The SW's were detatched emotionless nodding fucking dogs to us, they didn't know the true feeling of finding out your beautiful baby's innocence has been ripped away, in their own bed, own home, the one place they should be safe..they didn't know the feeling of walking into your childs room, looking at their bed, the place of terror, dragging the bed outside and burning it in a total fit of anger...
No. You were supposed to be a robot, not show your kids any emotion about the abuse.
Total and utter bollocks.
So. Me being me, i grabbed the bull by the horns. I sat in their stupid mothers' meeting and let rip. And i REALLY went to town.
Near the end of me telling them the true meaning for parents of a child being abused, the wanting to rip abusers balls off and feed them to him, ect, i was that tearful and frustrated, when i launched into what it means for the kids, i was leaning back on my chair and hitting the palm of my one hand with the back of the other, making very very angry noises..i told them how my DD was behaving, how i felt sometimes i could just get her and shake her, and say, i know how you feel, we feel the same, we are all in pain over what has happened to you..
"I wouldn't though," i said, "Because what purpose would it serve? She is in a terrible place at the moment and if you ask me, SS have made it WORSE, not better. The counsellor (also at the meeting) is SHIT (her face dropped at this lol) i ask her questions to help my DD and all she does is stick her nose in the air and say 'Sorry its confidential'....understood, but maybe she could make suggestions to me without breaching that confidence??..Oh and by the way these meetings are a fucking waste of time because we are all afraid to speak the truth. And because whenever we do, one of you has a 'PC' answer which is fucking useless because you don't know how any of us truly feel. AND all of us are here because we have been threatened by the SW if we don't attend, we will have our kids taken away."
There followed a looong period of silence, after which the parents started clapping. Then the SW who was sticking up for the rights of paedo's said quietly, "I see. Who threatened you? These meetings are voluntary.."
"Margaret Hadley." I said. Followed by two other parents who also named her. Then my mother also named her as saying that, but by then my mum had a different SW (it is worth noting that my mum still has her daughter)
"Well, they are voluntary." The SW said. You would have laughed at what happened next. All the parents there said "So i won't lose my DC if i don't attend? " No, she said..and they all, with the exception of me and my mother, and one other mum, got up and walked out!!
After they had gone, after the shocked silence of the two SW's the counsellor one turned round to me and said "You sound very angry. Do you smack your DD at all?"
Yes, i said, i use it as a form of discipline. Then followed a lengthy whinge and moan from them about physical abuse.
Apparently following this meeting, the pair of them made an allegation of abuse against me which i never found out about until my DD was removed from my care.
This was later to come and bite me in the arse. I will probably tell at a later date. Jesus i should write a sodding book lol.
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there is already statutory provision that sws must look to place children in the extended family before seeking other options.
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They can and almost always do get round this by saying that the extended family would be unsuitable due to feelings running high or other such bullshit.
They state that the family would be unlikely to cooperate with the SS and other such bullshit.
Or, C.. they just don't bother and bypass this stage completely, no one ever drags them up about it anyway.
My mother, for example, couldn't be my DD's carer because she WORKS. Hmmmmmph!
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and can i say again, of course it is not sws who make these decisions it is judges.
No but these judges swallow all the fucking bullshit that the SW's have spun. There should be a JURY in ALL childcare proceedings cases unless there are special circumstances that are gravely important enough to prevent this.
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look, i dont want to upset you any more thatn you are already by these issues.... but the idea of my 9yo ds thinking that he might be "ripped from [his] family" and discussing that with him as a possiblity because he had a genetic disorder causing bruising is unthinkable to me.
Glad its unthinkable to you. My son, having seen what the SS do, made his own plans without my prompting, indeed, he only told me not that long ago about them..He would run away, he said, if he was my DD. He would be so naughty that they would have to let him come home. Unfortunately this was my DD's way of thinking, one time, she told me she deliberately wet herself so she would break the FC's washing machine and the SS would send her home mixed feelings on this one.
But it does show how kids that do not want to be in care feel angry, trapped, and powerless.
I'd like to see your reply to this.