23 year old has assisted suicide in Switzerland

[Evenstar]

Here news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/hereford/worcs/7676812.stm

This is terribly sad, I wonder how much help and support this family were given in the wake of their son's accident.

'just pointing out to ND's that full body paralysis isnt the end of the world. '

to some, however, it is. that was the case for this man.

and thats the shame

NMC aggree.

I think reading through that forum though people are saying that time wise it was too soon for that type of injury and 18 months to be mentioned as one of the worst times -a hurdle to get over.

And others say they feel the same, that they empathise with him, and that some people never come to terms with their lives. Some of the descriptions of their own lives are very upsetting and sad.
And most of the people on there were not in pain, and said that if they were that would be a deciding factor for them. Dan was in intractable pain (I believe though I'm no expert at all, that controlling pain can be very difficult after spinal injuries) and also suffered convulsions. It is a very interesting forum, with some very tough and humorous people on it. The focus on finding a cure/treatments is very motivating for them.
NMC, I know your dd has no limb function, and I'm very sorry and I'm glad she is happy, which I am sure is largely due to your unstinting love and care. But I wasn't talking about her, I was talking about myself - as someone who HAS experienced independence and movement.

there needs to be more support. When I was diagnosed with MS that was it. The neuro said it and off I went. We didn't have internet back then (this was even before the days when you paid per minute for the internet being on the phone line)
No mention of mobility or how to control the pain.

I do think there?s a difference between being born with a disability and aquiring a disability. Kind of you can?t miss what you?ve never had, iyswim?

If you?re born with a disability then that to you is normal, in the same way as everyone else views their lives as normal. But if you become disabled then you go from having a normal life to having one that, at least until you have come to terms, is anything but normal. But with time generally comes acceptance, and so your normality changes. Most people with disabilities wouldn?t say that they?re not normal, they?re just a different type of normal, to them, it?s still normal.

you are right wannabe.
if you are disabled at birth(dd wasn't born with cp) then you never know anything different.
my freinds son was disabled as a tot. the adjustment his family have had to make had be horredous. even now years later, I wouldn't say they have got over it.
it takes time to adjust when your child is disabled at birth, for it to happen to a child you already know must take a lot of adjustment and imo would take a lot longer than 18 months.
I might be talking about a child here, but it would be the same if your child was an adult.

And for a parent, there is always an adjustment, regardless of when the disability happens.

When we are pregnant we have all these pre-conceived ideas of how it?s going to be, and we also have certain expectations ?Oh my child will go to x school and hopefully when he?s a teenager he might do y and wonder what he?ll grow up to be?? so when it transpires that that child has a disability our expectations have to be adjusted accordingly. But for the child there is no adjustment because they?ve never known any different.

I am perfectly at ease with my disability, but I am 99% certain that the majority of the rest of my family are not. This to me was confirmed recently when it transpired that I may have been wrongly diagnosed, and instead of a problem with the visual cortex in my brain, there may actually have been a problem with my retinas which was not picked up when I was a baby. It is impossible to know now because I have developed cateracts which obscure the retinas, so the only way to know is with fairly complex surgery which I see no point in me having. But my mum?s first response was that ?maybe if I?d known back then something could have been done.? But maybe if something had been done back then then I wouldn?t be the person I am today, and what is the point of what if?

But if a child becomes disabled later in life then not only do the parents have to come to terms with now having a disabled child, but the child also has to come to terms with it, and so I think that the positives can be lost. If a baby is born disabled then it is a happy baby because it knows no better, but if a baby becomes disabled as an older child/an adult, then there is no positive to look to until the acceptance comes.

by "knows no better" I of course mean knows no different.

jimjams, that thread you linked to is both informative and bloody depressing

it took 4 years to accept dd's disability for me. Before that I was a mad thing hoping for a cure and spent too much money and guilt trying to find one. Real acceptance has taken 4 years.
Funny enough I accepted becoming disabled myself faster.
My in-laws, in response to this case, remarked that if dh, their only child, became disabled he'd be better off dead as they wouldn't want their lives destroyed.
Thanks for the help and support from that quarter!
Makes me realise that if he did come off his bike then I'd be doing it on my own as they are definately disabled = better off dead (MIL says that in front of me and dd)
No thought that their son is a mathematician and he'd still have his brain and read and watch films and still get something out of life. Nope, disability is too awful and they don't want their holidays etc to stop

I think it takes most parents years to fully accept their childs disability but there are also some parents who never accept their childs disability My daughter goes to a pmld/sld school and the amount of parents who are still in denial at their childs disability is quite common. Then year after year we have fewer parents taking care of their children and more foster carers present at parents evening etc etc. I find the whole thing really depressing. I know its hard, its hard for us, but I cant imagine just giving up. maybe thats more a reflection on 'us' though and I shouldnt be quick to think people are the same as me

there were certainly children at school with me whose parents never accepted their disability, and comparitively speaking VI is a mild disability. In fact one of my ex's who was only partially sighted and had fairly good vision, just not good enough, his parents never accepted it and when he was 7 they dropped him at school and never came back.

So if someone could find it so hard to accept even a minor disability then I think it sadly goes without saying that there are some who would find a severe disability impossible to cope with.

Although in that case it's better to go down the foster care route than the "better dead" one.

wannabe, my mum used to run the kitchens in a special school when I was tiny. She used to have to go in even on christmas day as lots of children had not been picked up to go 'home' I hoped things were changing, unluckily in some respects they arent. Society's attitude doesnt help this

there are quite a few dc's at dd's school wh seem to be at respite all the time.
there thay are still at school in the summer holidays...sad isn't the word for it.