Influence couple and Down syndrome pregnancy

[annjo5]

Apologies if there is already a thread on this, I haven’t seen it.

Has anyone else seen this story? There has been uproar over it since an influencer couple chose to terminate their pregnancy after their scan showed their baby had Down syndrome. Whether or not you agree with this choice, it was their choice. There has been so much judgement and vitriol towards this couple. Lots of people with kids who have disabilities saying how vile they are and what a horrible choice it is.

My argument isn’t whether this was right or wrong. The point is it was their choice, probably a very difficult and heartbreaking one and some people can cope with things that others can’t. Whatever their reasons they made this decision and to have the world judge them for it (I believe they are from NZ) seems incredibly harsh.

Again, I’m not saying it was the right choice or whether it’s something I would have done in that situation. Thankfully I’ve never had to make that choice. But why does everyone feel they have a right to comment on other people’s choices knowing nothing about them.

As far as I can tell one of the primary purposes of social media is to pour judgement and vitriol on others.

But they have chosen to go public, they can’t then complain about any comments. Im pro choice but I can also see it could be upsetting jf you are the parent of a child with Down’s syndrome.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5539188-american-influencers-who-terminated-for-t21

People can't complain about receiving death threats? I think they can. Living your life in public doesn't mean that other people get a free pass to abuse you.

I suspect they have had to go public because they already announced their pregnancy and they couldn’t exactly explain it away without bare facing lying which would have been much worse.

I totally get that it’s upsetting and triggering to those with Down syndrome children or loved ones but it’s not other people’s place to cast such harsh judgement on them.

I agree wholeheartedly that the couple's decision to terminate the pregnancy was their choice to make.
However, their naivety in sharing it on the Internet beggars belief.
What did they honestly expect? A well done and 'Aren't they brave' sticker.

They announced the pregnancy to a large following. How do they explain that it no longer exists without lying about miscarriage or something similar? I actually do think it’s brave to be honest in this scenario.

I think they were misguided and insensitive in naming Down syndrome.
Sharing that following scans/tests they decided to end the pregnancy due to the health of the baby would have probably felt like much less of a judgement/attack for families who do have a disabled child, than the explicitly of saying they terminated due to a specific condition.

Their pregnancy? Only the woman was pregnant.
Their choice, but they choose to go public with it and it’s an emotional subject they must have known there would be comments. Miscarriages happen, I don’t see how saying she had a miscarriage is such a bad thing.
I find these people putting their whole private lives on display sad and ridiculous.

Would it be ok to criticise a couple who choose to continue with a pregnancy that is positive for Down’s?

If not then it’s not ok to criticise a couple who choose to terminate either.

Yes influencers open themselves up to public comment but I don’t think that means it should be a free for all.

Because it would have been a lie and they obviously felt that it would be wrong to lie about such a thing. Perhaps in hindsight they wish they had.

I don’t especially like the whole influencer thing but it is a thing and they couldn’t have just not mentioned the pregnancy again and hoped people never asked.

They could have said the foetus had life changing abnormalities so they took the heartbreaking decision to terminate the pregnancy.
They didn't need to name those abnormalities that was their business.

A family member had a termination due to their baby having physical anomalies that would have been incompatible with life - we talk about how they lost a baby - you don’t need to share every detail of your life with everyone.

They did what most people who get a downs diagnosis does ( about 90% abort). So I'm not sure why they're getting so much vitrol. I think a lot is coming from the religious Christians in the US.

This is why pregnancy should be kept to close circles until later stages. The NIPT tests are done quite early now.
They have chose to monetize all the intimate details of their life. Having people criticize your choices is the cost of this.

I find it hard to sympathize with them. Bluntly they chose to live their lives publicly. This is the consequence.

I suppose you are right to a point. It’s not like they’re not aware of the industry and have earned a lot of money from it. I generally don’t like influencers who lap up praise but can’t take any form of criticism.

My take is that they chose to be honest but naming the condition has caused a big backlash. It’s the public who are jumping on the back of this to try and appear like superior humans because they didn’t terminate and make the topic all about them that irritate me. Everyone is different.

Yep, all the negativity I have seen are the American right/Christians.

Exactly this. These people know what they are doing. They are not stupid, it was entirely predictable that choosing to announce a termination because of Down's Syndrome would provoke enormous controversy and backlash (and I am saying this as someone who is very pro-choice). These people chose to poke the bear because they wanted more views and attention and I have very little sympathy if they are now experiencing consequences.

I also suspect that had they decided to proceed with the pregnancy, the poor little kid would have grown up with cameras being shoved in his/her face and all their antics broadcast online to an audience of millions. These people seem to have no concept of privacy or reasonable boundaries.

Good for them for sharing their decision. Many people have made the same choice but probably thought they were amongst the very few.

The response they have received the sharing their choice is IMO exactly why it shouldn’t be a secret - assuming the couple don’t want it to be.

As a pp noted 90% of people in their position do the same. So why is it so unacceptable to mention ? American far right aside as they would likely condemn anyone who had any sort of abortion and have pushed through legislation that prevented women getting one even when their life was at risk - resulting in the deaths of several women now.

I think it is their choice. I saw the video where they opened the test results on screen. I can't understand why anyone would do that except to generate clicks/views. It was quite heart-breaking to watch--but i really can't see what would go through people's heads to film a 'reaction' video to getting their baby's test results. I judge them more for the whole set up then the terminiation. maybe it's very British but it should have been private to reflect the enormity of it, and give the poor baby some dignity. Even at that point they are a prop in an influencer's content. Awful.

I have just finished the book Yesteryear which is about an influencer and the point is made that success relies on a balance of people loving you and people hating you, both lead to money.

I think this is a great idea in theory but doesn’t always work out so great in reality. Especially with influencers who have a large following.

Their fans/followers do end up feeling entitled to all information and push push push, crossing lots of privacy lines to get there, there was no easy way out here really.

We have some neighbours who have a daughter with downs syndrome. She's not at all like the smiling, chatty children that are depicted in the Downs publicity. She's in her mid twenties and has a cognitive age of around 18 months. She's not continent, she has no speech and very limited communication. She has limited mobility. Her parents seem elderly already and will be caring for her until they die or become incapacitated and then they expect their sons to take care of her.

It's not what we sign up for when we become pregnant and it's deeply unfair on any other children in the family. I would absolutely make the same decision in their shoes. Bringing up a child with SEND is not for the faint hearted and most of us fall apart doing it.

But why does everyone feel they have a right to comment on other people’s choices knowing nothing about them.

Well in this case the answer is painfully obvious, surely? 😳

They're 'influencers' and therefore invite the world and its dog to comment.