Guardian article on SAHMs

[branflake81]

here

Beautiful - it doesn't matter at all that you are the one doing the chores. Chores (laundry, ironing, cleaning, bedmaking) that involve no human interaction might just as well be subcontracted.

However, it does matter that you are there to love and talk to them. That is the important bit.

(and I think that food made by parents is preferable to bought food because ultimately there îs a huge amount of family interaction around shared food).

when did food come into this?

nkf - I think there is another, very important, divide, and that is about childcare and whether a family uses it or not...

beautiful, what would you like to be doing?

I know what you mean. My mother was at home with us too and it was great. I will always have a voice in my head that tells me I am letting my kids down by not doing the same for them. But the truth is that I find being at home every day frustrating. When I am "only" doing it 3 or 4 full days a week I have more patience, more energy and more happiness. That's got to be a good thing for both me and my daughters.

Anna8888, I agree. But what if when I'm talking to them I'm just saying, "For God's sake, I just washed that floor... NO! Put those cushions BACK on the sofa!... Would it kill you to use the flush?", etc etc?!

food? So WOHMs don't cook for their children, Anna?

Pendulum, actually I am doing what I love, because I Mumsnet write from home as well as nagging nuturing my spawn. So I get to be there for school runs, sports days and all that. So I can't complain really.

blueshoes - read again, you have completely missed the point

Beautiful - then you need someone to help you with the housework

I know that terrible feeling when the house is all spick and span and your brow is dripping and then seemingly a herd of young elephants destroys the whole thing in five minutes .

no anna, not interesting enough to read again, if you cannot be bothered to express yourself clearly

But the idea that loving comes from the oven isn't a universal. And I speak as a someone reared on fantastic meals. I know stacks of women who never lift a finger in the kitchen and their relationships with their children are fine. It's one way of doing it. You can make cooking togethe a symbol of your love and togetherness but you can do something else.

The bottom line is, really, that far too many people stil think that women exist for the use and benefit of men - to do the shitwork for them, service them and raise their children. So anything a woman does for the reason that it benefits her is still viewed with deep suspicion, hence all the desperate I-have-to-do-it-this-way justification.
Some people really do feel happiest exerting themselves constantly for the benefit of others, but for most people, living one's life as an appendage or a service mechanism is deeply psychologically unhealthy. Don't forget that we raise our children to go away from us into the world, we don't live through them.

Beautiful- that's OK then, although your "shouty mummy voice" sounds exactly like mine!

Working from home though.... that's got to be tough. Getting out of the house and wearing dry-clean only clothes are two of the big perks of working for me. How do you cope with the interruptions (maybe depends how old your DC are- mine are 4 and never-stops-yacking and 8 months and never-stops-teething-screaming)

Oh FFS

Children aren't raised by women for men's benefit though Madamez.

Hmm... I think that eating the same food, together, around the same table, that has been prepared within the family is a very strong binder, personally.

hurrah

madamez for Prime Minister!

Well yes so do I Anna8888. It suits me. It's what I'm used to. But I know plenty of families where that isn't the patten and they seem as happy and contened and close as mine.

Maybe - I was just pointing out to BEAUTIFUL that I thought her domestic toil was worthwhile when it was about food - trying to be encouraging - not saying that families would fail if they didn't eat together...

I do think that using the term "shitwork" might be a barrier to finding domestic bliss.

I am now at home with ds1(8 years) & ds2(5 months). We are hopoing that i will be able to stay at home for as long as possible with the children. We are already planning number 3. We are in a lucky enough position to have a choice about it at the moment (although this is no long term certainty). I am educated to university level and a qualified professional. Some might see it a waste of my skills to the workforce to stay at home and I have had many comments about 'returning to work'. Thing is I remember how upset I felt when my mum returned to work and I was 11. All of a sudden she upped and had a career and never seemed to be around when everything was changing for me (my elder sisters were 15,17 and 19). My behaviour deteriorated and i sought attention where i could. I feel that it was a negative impact for me as a child my mum returning to work.

I think the term "shitwork" when referring to domestic chores that must be done to keep a family going is highly inappropriate.

Awen - when your mother returned to work when you were 11, who looked after you in her absence?

I thought "shitwork" was a term coined to describe work that nobody ever noticed was done, only when it isn't done. Like road sweeping or emptying the bins. And clearning the lavatories.

"Hmm... I think that eating the same food, together, around the same table, that has been prepared within the family is a very strong binder, personally." as opposed to what? Is this something particular to being a SAHM?