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Original poster

Mum asked to leave a Costa coffee for breastfeeding her baby.

128 replies

QueenofCards · 21/04/2008 19:52

Appologies if this has already been posted. Mum asked to leave a Costa coffee shop for breastfeeding!

This makes me very and at the same time. How can a thing as natural as breastfeeding be so taboo in our society today? I am personally going to be avoiding Costa for this reason from now on. I live near Poole so i know which Costa the woman was asked to leave from.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
theBOD · 23/04/2008 14:03

it just would make me feel uncomfortable. i at no point have said this is the right attitude, on the contrary i said the law should be changed to make it mandatory for it to be allowed as there are a million things that make me uncomfortable in soceity that does not mke them wrong. my point was that the manager/owner of this cafe has ated within the current law and i don't any privately owned business should have social policies forced on them when they are operating within the law as they have the right to make choices regarding this business.
if you go through my posts at no point have i said women should not be allowed breastfeeding in public,or that the manager was morally right (simply that he was within his current legal rights) or that my personal opinion was right in being uncomfortable with it, i just honestly stated that i am made uncomfortable by it.

also to clarify my opinion that it would not equate to sexual discrimination under current irish equality law (not famliar enough with english law) is by meansral judgment, it was simply a response to others proposing that the managers actions equated to sexism. and it is my honest opinion through the study of law that this does not equal sexual discrimination as i said before the quality of the act was being objected to not the person performing it, the fact that only a woman can perform such an act is irrelevant in my legal opinion, this is in no way a moral opinion

theBOD · 23/04/2008 14:04

should read "is by no means a moral judgment..."

cupsoftea · 23/04/2008 14:14

will never go to costa coffee - this is a disgrace. A mum should be able to bf where she wants.

hercules1 · 23/04/2008 15:00

I've breastfed in toysrus walking around with baby in a sling. Much better timewise to do this than sitting in a room somewhere.

tiktok · 23/04/2008 15:11

Hard to follow your posts, theBod (tip: try using punctuation, it can help, and the 'preview' option for posts is useful, too), but I think you're saying that because they did not break the law, the business concerned is within its rights to object, and anyway it would make you feel uncomfortable, and to quote you, 'what's the problem?'

The business may well have broken the law, and obviously, should not have done.

But laws don't have to be broken for something objectionable to occur.

Woollymummy · 23/04/2008 15:14

So, now we have clarified that none of this discussion really revolves around the legalities or non-legalities of BF in public, can I ask why any man or woman would feel uncomfortable about seeing BF, and how we should respond to that expression of discomfort. Indeed, should there be any expression of discomfort? Why would anyone openly admit they have a probem with something but then be so unwilling to ask for or accept help, or even address their own issues in private? I ask this because this topic has caused BODman to repeatedly state his level of discomfort about BF this year, and yet he doesn't seem to be getting anywhere with his issue? To be honest I would rather be observed by someone who thought the sight of my boobs was a turn-on than by someone who thought they looked awful and put him off his lunch? Is this man repulsed by the sight of boobs or turned on by them? The main point is he shouldn't be looking in my direction if I am doing something he doesn't like, and he should grow up and think of higher thoughts if it bothers him so much that he has to specifically look out for topics related to BF to make comments about.

tiktok · 23/04/2008 15:47

Has theBOD got previous, then, in coming onto mumsnet and talking about breastfeeding?

If so, then he can forgive us if we think he is at least a little bit pervy and should go somewhere else other than a board mainly aimed at parents or would-be parents.

Sheesh.

Get a life, why doncha??

theBOD · 23/04/2008 16:25

well i shall depart and leave you all to your communal back slapping. i mean god forbid anyone should have a different opinion to the moral majority on here.
also what a great way to win an argument, throw out the "sexism" argument while following it with a lot of male stereotypes.
you're a credit to women everywhere

tiktok · 23/04/2008 16:32

What on earth are you talking about?

Minority opinions are welcome on mumsnet - we love 'em.

But you're not a parent, nor a parent-to-be, but apparently you come on here repeatedly to reiterate your discomfort at breastfeeding.

I mean, WTF?

smallwhitecat · 23/04/2008 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EruvandeAini · 23/04/2008 16:46

I'm not sure why it's difficult to comprehend why BF might make someone uncomfortable.

We have a strong cultural understanding of bodies being private, which is why we generally cover them up when we go outside. When a mother is (quite rightly, I underline) feeding her baby herself, she is revealing a part of her body that isn't normally revealed, and if there wasn't a baby there, we would do a double-take and get a bit embarrassed.

I agree that when there is a baby to be fed, it's a different keetle of a fish, but there's no reason to suppose that someone is warped because they still react internally in the way they would if there wasn't a baby present.

PeachyHas4BoysAndLovesIt · 23/04/2008 16:54

Thing is, I don't care if it makes someone uncomfortable- they still don't have a right to expect that to affect my actions, especially when mya ctions are just trying to do the best for a baby.

Am learning rapidly to ignore other people- apart from the apparently heavily Pro FF HV today - am at risk of poor quality milk apaprently as not doubling my claorie intake. yeah whatever! pmsl)- my house opens onto the road and I refuse to pull the curtains for every feed; if elderly women want to walk past giving me looks then they are welcome to it, but tis my own home (well rented anyway)

I don't understand why people can't just tell themselves they're being silly and move on, we all have our hang ups but no right to impose them on others.

EruvandeAini · 23/04/2008 16:57

No, Peachy, I agree that it remains that person's problem, not the breast-feeding mother's. I just don't think it's an obscure 'issue' that's difficult to fathom.

But yes, the most important thing is that women feel comfortable to feed their babies in the way they're designed to. Cultural gubbins is neither here nor there on that score.

BellaMummy · 23/04/2008 17:04

Just a side note - I told my husband that if any establishment ever asked me to leave while I was discretely BF my daughter they would have to call the police and have me dragged out. It never happened, or you might have seen me on the news .

policywonk · 23/04/2008 17:08

Agree Eruvande. Also I'm not sure it's strictly true to say that minority opinions are loved on MN. Generally, I have found that minority opinions get taken down a dark alley and have their heads kicked in.

However, for all that, I believe most sincerely in indiscreet breastfeeding and practise it on a daily basis.

tiktok · 23/04/2008 17:12

I mean of course minority opinions are welcomed, apart from the head-kicking bit.

Natch.

tiktok · 23/04/2008 17:15

Eruva, I didn't think the attitude was 'warped', especially - people haul all sorts of inappropriate emotional and psychological baggage with them, after all (myself included).

It was the deliberate seeking out of threads to parade it all, when clearly it is not a major issue in everyday life for that particular poster (ie he is not a bf mother, or the father of a bf baby, or likely to be one, from all accounts).

Pervy or what?

EruvandeAini · 23/04/2008 17:19

ah, but tiktok, that's 'tinterweb for you. It's entirely possible that there are many folk here who speak about things they aren't remotely likely to encounter much in RL

tiktok · 23/04/2008 17:29

I know.....but it's just a bit odd that he goes looking for breastfeeding threads so he can announce that it makes him feel uncomfortable!

I can't be the only one thinking that

I agree though - this is the internet, what does one expect!?!

ruty · 23/04/2008 17:30

could we do something a bit more organised, send a petition to costa coffee headquarters outlining our concerns, and saying we will boycott costa coffee until it makes it clear to its staff that breastfeeding mothers should be made to feel welcome?

nappyaddict · 23/04/2008 17:46

in england the sexual discrimination law was altered earlier this month so actually what they were doing was sexual discrimination - unless it happened a while back of course.

AbbeyA · 23/04/2008 18:58

I sent an email saying that I would be unable to have a coffee in their establishmnet unless they could convince me that it was the misguided actions of a lone assistant. They haven't bothered to reply yet. I think that it would help if they were inundated with emails.

branflake81 · 23/04/2008 21:02

My mum was asked to leave a beer garden when breastfeeding me as a child. She said "is it because we've brought our own food?"

Pixiefish · 23/04/2008 21:31

Have sent an email.

Here's the email addy

[email protected]

waffletrees · 24/04/2008 10:06

I have emailed them to tell them of my disgust and to suggest that staff are properly trained to deal with these situations.