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Mum asked to leave a Costa coffee for breastfeeding her baby.

128 replies

QueenofCards · 21/04/2008 19:52

Appologies if this has already been posted. Mum asked to leave a Costa coffee shop for breastfeeding!

This makes me very and at the same time. How can a thing as natural as breastfeeding be so taboo in our society today? I am personally going to be avoiding Costa for this reason from now on. I live near Poole so i know which Costa the woman was asked to leave from.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
aDad · 22/04/2008 08:53

What a depressing story.

What did they want the woman to do? Breastfeed in the toilets? Expect women to not leave the house until their baby is weaned in case they might have to breastfeed somewhere?

Coolmama · 22/04/2008 08:55

I agree 100% with hercules1 post.

SueBaroo · 22/04/2008 09:00

It's not on. But I'm not going to pile on theBOD because he finds it personally uncomfortable when he sees it - that's a personal reaction, not a campaign slogan.

Personally I always fed very discreetly - not out of consideration for others feelings (although when grandparents were around there was an element of that) but because I prefer not to wangle my boobs about in public as a general rule.

Well, not anymore, anyway.

harpsichordcarrier · 22/04/2008 09:07

the thing about discreet bf - while I understand completely the imperative of personal modesty - is that people learn by watching.
if they see a woman bf, then that is the way they learn about it. they also learn that it is acceptable and normal.

SueBaroo · 22/04/2008 09:10

Harpsi, well, if it's any consolation, all my daughters have grown up seeing mostly BF, and they all feed their doll babies themselves, hoiking up their tops with gay abandon. So that's three future BFers at least.

LyraSilvertongue · 22/04/2008 12:55

Hercules, I wasn't questioning the bod's right to be here because of this thread. Of course he has a right to be here.
I was just asking why he feels the need to come on mumsnet as a young man with no children. I've seen him on other threads and his views always seem to be controversial and anti-parent, so it seems like he's here simply to stir up trouble.
That's why I asked why he was here. And I didn't get an answer.

Elffriend · 22/04/2008 15:14

SueBaroo, I love the mental image of your daughters Bfing their dolls! How cool is that?!

I think I am lucky in that I have never seen an adverse reaction to BFing in public. I never did myself much (because I could never be out with DS for long enough other than at baby groups, doctors etc.) but where I have seen others, it has always just made me smile and people around have not batted an eyelid. My dad would freak out a bit when I was feeding DS but he soon learned that he just had to look the other way. Leaving the room would just mean he was banished for ages (DS took his time!).

I am horrified at this reaction in Costa. Bizarre.

Also a bit at the Bod. Not seen his other posts. Mumsnet seems an odd place to hang around for no good reason. Presumably the Dennis the Menace fanclub does not have an on-line forum?

ruty · 22/04/2008 18:22

utterly, utterly depressing.

InTheseShoes · 22/04/2008 18:56

I definitely fed DS2 in a Costa in Manchester, and it was one that was sort of "open" in a shopping centre. And my boobs are huge and I had a nosy baby. I suspect there isn't a coffee chain that I didn't get 'em out in whilst feeding DS2...

cupcakesinthesnow · 22/04/2008 20:36

I have BF in costa coffee in Poole (amongst other places in Poole) I will boycot CC now (even though I no longer BF). I recommend Cafe Nero just a little further down the road as they have much more comfortable armschairs and sofas to feed from Or the childrens section of the Poole Library as the toddler can look at books and play and you can bf on a beanbag! Very comfy.

Highlander · 23/04/2008 11:05

BOD, and others like him, have to get away from the idea that breastfeeding is a sexual act - that anything to do with breasts is sexual. It's men that have programmed society to see breasts this way, and not to see breasts as what they are designed for - milk production.

I BF DS2 (18mo) when I'm out for coffee (usually coincides with his nap time). I make no attempt to be discreet or consider other peoples' feelings. There is no need for me to be discreet. My breasts are for feeding, not sex and I am no more worried about about popping one out to feed than I would be about baring my arms.

It makes my blood boil that nursing mums are made to feel like they're doing something offensive. it's other people that have the problem - not us!

theBOD · 23/04/2008 11:26

sorry but at what point have i described breastfeeding as a "sexual act"?
i have at no part in this discussion even mentioned the sexualisation of breasts in connection to breastfeeding.

ruty · 23/04/2008 12:46

why on earth is breastfeeding off putting then?

ruty · 23/04/2008 12:46

[regrets asking immediately]

nappyaddict · 23/04/2008 12:52

whilst there isn't a law allowing a woman the right to breastfeed in public yet it is sexual discrimination to turn a woman away for breastfeeding so it is actually illegal (i think)

LadySanders · 23/04/2008 12:57

i have a newish baby and in last few weeks have fed in all sorts of places (lots of car parks, for some reason)... don't particularly enjoy getting boobs out in public but equally don't want to stay at home for the next 6 months. but have noticed several men (one ancient so i forgave him, but more recently couple of 40s ish blokes in a starbucks, and some corporate types in a restaurant)like to have a good look while i'm doing it which is much more uncomfortable for me than any discomfort a man might feel who is offended by it and who could just walk or look away. sorry this is bit incoherent, am feeding as i type!

LyraSilvertongue · 23/04/2008 13:26

You're right ladysanders, if they don't like it, they don't have to watch.

EruvandeAini · 23/04/2008 13:27

LadyS, absolutely. I mean, while I understand the reasoning behind behind very open about it, I don't want to be perved at by all and sundry, ta muchly.

Dotsie · 23/04/2008 13:32

i recntly went to toys r us and when i asked whether there was a feeding room, was directed to the changing room. i had my sling with me, and would normally feed my baby in that, but for some reason couln't get him comfy, so went to use the room provided, and ended up feeding next to a smelly nappy bin. it was horrid and we didn't stay long at all! i just wish i could have got him comfy in the sling - would have been far more pleasant wandering around. why do people have such a problem with bf in public, when facilities, if provided at all, are generally so unpleasant? (and yes i know not all are - just wish i could find nice ones!)

AbbeyA · 23/04/2008 13:38

I sent an email to Costa Coffee but they haven't replied yet.

Lenniegirl · 23/04/2008 13:47

[email protected]

Blu · 23/04/2008 13:49

Actually, I can't wait for all cafes to be run on the 'instant poll' principle TheBod promotes.
I look forward to enjoying a coffee in Costa - or anywhere else, and asking that:
anyone using discernible after-shave or perfume and especially Lynx
mobile phone users
anyone with a bleeping device of any kind
people with coughs and runny noses and sneezing
people with irritating voices
all be asked to leave, as I would much rather not have them sitting opposite me when I am enjoying my lunch. Sorry if any of those match your description, TheBod, but I'm sure you will understand and leave.

Poole sounds a right mad place - what with this, and setting anti-terroist investigators onto school applicant parents!

VinegarTits · 23/04/2008 13:50

to theBOD - why would a woman BF put you off your lunch? does other people eating offend you? if a woman was bottle feeding her child would that put you off too? i think not, and in that case it is because you see breasts sexual, therefore you see BF as a sexual act. Breasts are for feeding, that is why they produce milk, why would you not want to sit opposite an infant eating its lunch from its mum? why would that put you off

tiktok · 23/04/2008 13:54

If it's up to a business to decide what is and what isn't acceptable on their premises, no questions asked, do we permit them to ban people with disabilities that might make them slurp their coffee a little loudly, maybe even messily? Or refuse to serve someone with a prominent birthmark, or an obvious skin complaint, in case theBod gets put off his lunch seeing it?

We have laws in this country which prevent discrimination in the use of goods or services on the grounds of gender, race or disability, and for sound reasons, too.

The laws apply to private businesses, in the interests of fairness and equality, for the good of our wider society.

If someone objects to the sight of a baby being breastfed, then I feel a bit sad for them, but they can turn their chair away if they really can't handle it.

Blu · 23/04/2008 13:56

Exactly, TikTok.