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Original poster

Mum asked to leave a Costa coffee for breastfeeding her baby.

128 replies

QueenofCards · 21/04/2008 19:52

Appologies if this has already been posted. Mum asked to leave a Costa coffee shop for breastfeeding!

This makes me very and at the same time. How can a thing as natural as breastfeeding be so taboo in our society today? I am personally going to be avoiding Costa for this reason from now on. I live near Poole so i know which Costa the woman was asked to leave from.

Thoughts please?

OP posts:

nametaken · 21/04/2008 21:55

I take it your not gonna say sorry then.

But surely if you don't enjoy seeing something during lunch then don't bloody look. I don't enjoy seeing people talk with food in their mouths or hearing them bellowing down their mobile phones so you know what - I don't look.

lisad123 · 21/04/2008 21:55

you wouldnt see anything thebod, thats the point, baby on nipple nothing else to see. To be honest I hate seeing page 3 girls on the newspaper and that puts me off my lunch, maybe I should go and steal all the mens newspapers

AbbeyA · 21/04/2008 21:58

I have sent an email to Costa Coffee to complain-I think that it would be a good idea to inundate them with emails.

theBOD · 21/04/2008 22:02

why would i apologise? i just stated a preference? i've never stopped anyone from breastfeeding nor do i own an establishment from which to exclude someone.and i would never complain to a proprioter if i saw a woman breastfeeding in a cafe/restaurant.i'm just saying if someone gave me the choice of having the person who is sitting at the table across from me breastfeeding or not i would prefer if they didn't,but that's not my decision.
i personally think that once a business acts within the law it can do whatever it likes as at the end of the day it is the owner/manager who will either fail or profit. in this case the manager obviously made the decision that based on numerous customers complaining about 1 customer he'd act to try and appease the majority so they'd think he was providing good service.obviously he was an idiot because this reaction/the papers finding out was inevitable. but stupidity isn't a crime and while i may not agree with his decision i will defend it because he did nothing wrong legally and acted within in the law and it is his business who will have to deal with the reprocussions and no one else.

LyraSilvertongue · 21/04/2008 22:04

TheBod, why do you post on this site>

Psychomum5 · 21/04/2008 22:04

poole hasn't changed then!!!

I was in a coffee shop in Poole when DD1 was 3wks old, was my first trip out with a BF baby (so respect to this lady quoted!), and I sat down with my MIL to feed DD. (DD1 is now 14yrs BTW, so a while ago)

I was asked to leave and advised to go to the nearby toilets, as what I was doing should not be seen in public.

anyhooo........MIL stood and loudly asked if anyone else would expect to be asked to go eat in the loo's....

no-one replied, so she then said that as no-one esle would, why should anyone expect a tiny baby to, and also, why go comewhere with a very tiny baby that is so unhygenic!

respect to my MIL for that, and we stayed put.....with a very red faced waitress.

I mean, we paid for our food, we were customers (who are always right apparently), and so had every right to be there.

tis others who have issues if they cannot handle something so natural as a breastfeeding mum.

next thing we will see is pregnant woman being asked to cover up, or even hide, for fear of upsetting people with flaunting the very obvious result of having had unprotected SEX!!!!

luciemule · 21/04/2008 22:05

Unfortunately Costa are entitled to stop them. It's only in Scotland at the moment that women have the right to feed in public, although campaigners in England are trying to get it pushed through as quickly as they can.

policywonk · 21/04/2008 22:05

theBOD - I see the point you are making, but this part of your argument -

'his business who will have to deal with the reprocussions and no one else'

is sadly wrong. The woman in question was so humiliated and upset that she has stopped breastfeeding.

LyraSilvertongue · 21/04/2008 22:07

Silly woman for stopping though. Humiliating though the incident must have been, it doesn't mean she should have stopped.

theBOD · 21/04/2008 22:08

and yes f you do feel offended by page 3 girls complain, complain away to your hearts content. i'd completely agree with you. whatever about porn/mens mags being bought by adults, i think page 3 girls in tabloids available to kids is completely unacceptable,so what do i do? i don't buy the papers or go to the barber in my village that leaves them out on the tables for my little cousin to pick up. since they are not braking the law i hit them in the pocket by refusing them my custom which is exactly what all of you who disagree with cafes/shops/etc that don't allow women to brestfeed in them. it is their decission and maybe they've done the sums and decided that they will make more money by either being pro or anti breastfeeding. and if you disagree with them then let them know and inform them they won't be getting any of your money.my main point was i don't think any business working within the law should have a policy forced upon them because some people disagree with them.the law should be changed to make it mandatory but as it is not then the owners are completely within their rights to act in this manner

Psychomum5 · 21/04/2008 22:09

the bod.....why exactly do you think anyone would be sitting across the table from you unless it was your wife/partner???

every woman I know of is extremely discrete when it comes to feeding in public, so in no way could you expect it to be flaunted "across from you".

in fact, do you have children, and if so, did you encourage the mother of your children to breastfeed, or did you say it would put you off your dinner/breakfast/lunch???

SparklyGothKat · 21/04/2008 22:09

lisad123, costa coffee tomorrow for a drink and a BF???

Woollymummy · 21/04/2008 22:10

theBOD, you seem to spend a lot of time on MN talking about all kinds of things, and this BF issue has cropped up before. You need to sort out your attitude to women, children and how they feed. Every time you find it an uncomfortable experience to see someone breastfeeding, you are looking at it/them in the wrong way. You seem to be thinking that it is your right to look at the world and see it in a way which doesn't offend you. I don't get angry and offended every time I see a woman bottle feeding a baby, as there could be many reasons why she has made that choice, and the milk in the bottle could even be expressed breast milk. Even though her little baby would probably enjoy her yummy breast milk soooo much better, as it is so much sweeter, as he/she could have so much more of a nice time snuggling up to her mummy, it doesn't offend me to see her feeding that way because that is her coice. If it did offend me, I could look in any one of the other 365 degrees of vision (not to mention down at my plate or up at the ceiling) and get on with my lunch. I wonder if my description of BF above has made you feel uncomfortable? If it has, perhaps you are one of the rather screwed up people who ends up making new mums feel they have behave like FREAKS and hide their feeding activity. Grow up and behave like a proper man, and keep your eyes to yourself. I think it is best if you eat all your lunches in private now, so that the rest of the world does not have to watch you eating.

LyraSilvertongue · 21/04/2008 22:10

TheBod doesn't have children which is why I wonder why he comes on this site. His views tend to be, shall we say, controversial and anti-parents.

theBOD · 21/04/2008 22:11

"The woman in question was so humiliated and upset that she has stopped breastfeeding. "

and i'd agree with you to a point.but i don't think you can hold someone responsible for their business policies effects on others when they have not broken any laws as if they are within the law they owe no duty of care.

policywonk · 21/04/2008 22:12

I think this obsession with 'discreet' breastfeeding is counterproductive. I think we (or at least those of us who are comfortable with it) should be a lot less discreet. It would be an effective way to normalise public breastfeeding, I reckon.

Psychomum5 · 21/04/2008 22:13

welll.....if thebod doesn;t have children, he should therefore be banned from being on subjects such as this as he has no real experiance to draw from to be constructive about it!!!!

people don't have to agree, but to be diliberatly (sp) provocitive is smacking of 'troll-ism' to me.....

policywonk · 21/04/2008 22:14

FWIW I don't think theBOD is saying anything particularly awful. He is entitled to say that something makes him uncomfortable. He's expressing something that a lot of people feel.

LyraSilvertongue · 21/04/2008 22:16

I BFed discreetly because I didn't want random strangers seeing my boobs. I wouldn't go topless on a beach either.

Psychomum5 · 21/04/2008 22:16

bod....everyone owes a duty of care to other people.......everyone.

you have a duty of care not to offend by rudeness, not to hurt, to help where needed if in a situation.....etc.

Idealic I admit, and not one that even I manage to follow thro with, but there is a duty of care to be had with being in a public service sector.

((IMO))

Woollymummy · 21/04/2008 22:17

having read some of theBOD's other posts it now makes me feel very uncomfortable having him here flaunting his offensive views in front of me while I am discussing breastfeeding. I don't know why he is here, he should know when to cover up to avoid offending others and I would prefer him to go and obsess over the breasts of others in private, preferably a stinking public toilet full of dirty nappies. He is the sort of unkind and opinionated MN timewaster who we don't really need.

Now, how does that make him feel? It is the sort of attitude he is advocating, so I am sure he wouldn't mind me expressing it in his direction. I really hope he is haunted now by BF women forever, if it makes him feel that uncomfortable.

Psychomum5 · 21/04/2008 22:19

policy....I know he is not saying truly awful stuff, and is even pointing out quite calmly, but still....this is a very emotive subject that unless you are a parent, you really don;t have much in the way of decent practical experience with, and therefore you veiws can be coloured in a darker sense than otherwise IYGWIM.

unless of course he is firing us up to in fact make us act by doing a mass breastfeed, and therefore should be applauded

lisad123 · 21/04/2008 22:21

He also makes a good point, until its law then theres not a lot we can do. He has said he wouldnt conplain, but does make him uncomfertable, which is fair enough, properly doesnt know where to put himself his not saying anything nasty just stating a fact.

theBOD · 21/04/2008 22:29

"welll.....if thebod doesn;t have children, he should therefore be banned from being on subjects such as this as he has no real experiance to draw from to be constructive about it!!!!""

i have also never been a drug addict, a doctor, a judge, a dog, a pensioner, an economist, an immigrat and any other number of things which are subject to publc debate and social policy. should everyone who has not had direct experience with these things be denied an opinion on uch topics? nonsense.

LyraSilvertongue · 21/04/2008 22:31

But why are you here thebod? and why do you keep ignoring my question.

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