Neighbour screaming abuse at her kids

[dawnie1]

We had new neighbours move in about 6 months ago, initially all seemed fine with them but the kids seemed very withdrawn and quiet. Recently the mother has been screaming the most horrendous stuff at her 2 children. She has a daughter of 10 years and a boy of 7 years. It started with the odd row - no swearing or verbal abuse just shouting but has now escalated into every morning and night, it goes on for atleast 20 mins and she says the most awful things- example at 7:30 this morning she burst into her daughters room (next to ours) and screamed 'I f...ing hate you, I hate you you little bi..., I wish I'd had an abortion, you are disgusting' and this type of things happends so regularly now - she then went into her sons room and screamed the same at him !!??!! Poor, poor children . I know that she has just been signed off work for 6 weeks for depression because she cannot cope with having the house decorated - she has freely admitted to me that she is obsessed with her house being immacualately tidy but FGS her poor children. Last week she was seen running out of her house after her 7 year old son with a tennis racket to hit him, later after she had calmed down she explained that he had lay down on her bed after she had spent at least 10 minutes making it-FGS - I can't understand it. I don't know what to do, if anything, but those poor children ??????? HELP, any advise would be greatly apreciated.

Police have just left. She locked her 2 kids in the garden at 8.30pm with just their pyjamas on. The other neighbours saw them in the garden coz their security light came on (and they'd heard the rows)and they saw them hiding in their shed. They brought them in and Matthew had cuts on his wrist where Karen, his mum, had put a knife to his wrist because he was so untidy. They called the neighbours from across the road over and they decided to call the Police. Now police have gone and both kids are next door with their parents - !!??!! they shouldn't be there tonight IMO but thats what the police have decided . This is why I didn't want to call SS- they'd do the same, really upset the apple cart and then leave.

Dawnie - honest, contact social services tomorrow. The more people who can back-up the neighbour's story the better chance that social services have of doing something.
The mother could have told the police any old baloney tonight to explain the cuts on the wrist and why the kids were locked out.
I'm kind of begging you here because I wish one of our neighbours had been concerned enough to do something when we were kids.
Mum went through many years of being beaten up, but we probably had it better than those kids. (I do vividly remember us all being smacked (some belted) and chucked out, half dressed into the garden on a cold winter's night for hours because - no one would tell who had been playing with chalk on the front step FFS.)
Please..

I think I would ring the police to reinforce that this is not a one-off and that you are very, very worried. I would still also ring the NSPCC and SS. It is minus 5 here tonight, those poor children are in very serious danger.

hi, i've been following this thread closely, and I think you should contac the police and also SS dawnie, the school could still be worth a shot, esp. if the school is the same as your DD (not sure of ages). Belive me if heven forbid something more sinister should happen you wouldn't forgive yourself so even if it's for your own peice of mind to know you did all you could then give them a call, is there no chance (in case it happens again) you could possibly make an escape route sort of thing so the children can find saftey in another house? IMHO the mother will ocntiune and get worse until she is stopped. but that's just my view.

Agree with cab here dawnie. This must be very hard for you. What a nightmare position to be in. The situation sounds at breaking point. From my own childhood experience, I would say make those calls too. Can't post under my usual name, it's not something I talk about to anyone.

I've just phoned the NSPCC Helpline and they have taken lots of details not sure if they will actually do anything though. I also phoned the Local Police Station and spoke to about 4 different people and told them all the same stories time and time again - don't know if they will do anything either. Have also phoned the London Borough of Sutton, left a message because out of office hours - is that how you contact Social Services, I don't know !?! Also have gone next door and have shouted through the letterbox that I will take the kids for a few nights if they need a break, other neighbours have done the same but there is only silence, lights off,no noise and nobody answering the door

Good on you Dawnie - you're a heroine!!

nice one dawnie

They're probably all lying low & being shell-shocked...if you're in the sort of state your neighbour's obviously in, you don't necessarily even REALISE that others have noticed...police turning up has probably stunned neighbour AND her dh.

You've done all you can I reckon - good for you, hope the whole family gets some help now.

Dawnie, you're an angel. I hope this woman gets the help she needs - and realises how lucky she was she had someone like you nearby who cared enough to help her.

I'm no heroine, its just awful thats its gone this far for FFS its 2004 what the hell is wrong with people, including and especially me - a 7 year old child is verbally abused, his wrists are cut and he is put out in freezing weather in just his PJs and there is me wondering 'oooooh should I do something' well yes Dawnie FFS, WAKE UP, you should have done something weeks ago !!!!! I feel dreadful and they are still next door. WTF??

Don't beat yourself up dawnie - you WERE concerned and you did DO something. That takes guts. Sleep well - you deserve it. There is absolutely nothing else that you can do for those kids tonight - unless you here shouting again tonight in which case phone the police pronto. Thankyou.

But you were quite reasonably worried you might make things worse! I had a neighbour years ago who used to routinely lean out of her bedroom window yelling abuse & declaiming from the bible at passers-by, in between letting off a siren & a police car 'bubble light' - all this whilst her dd was in the house - eventually rang police who said they were VERY familiar with this woman but without evidence that she was physically harming the kid, couldn't act...made me feel like a right net curtain twitcher.

You've done the right thing, it's really hard to take action in situations like this. Don't for chuff's sake beat yourself up about not acting sooner!

dawnie, please don't criticise yourself, I think you have been very brave and it will make a huge difference to the children knowing that there are other adults close by who know what is going on and are trying to help them. You've done your best for tonight, try to get some sleep and perhaps talk to the other neighbours tomorrow and see if you can find a way forward with all of this. Good luck and thank you for having the courage to act. x

If you'd done something the very first time, you'd be beating yourself up about whether you'd not given her a chance. You have, she's not got better and you've done the right thing at just the right time. I think you can be very proud of yourself - don't give yourself a hard time hun.

Dawnie, you have ABSOLUTELY done the right thing at the right time. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. There comes a point, and you saw it tonight, where neighbours, friends etc must act.

Just catching up with this thread ... can't believe the police left the children with her TBH! because they most certainly have the power to take the children away if they feel they are in danger, which clearly last night they were!! Well done Dawnie for calling the NSPCC and SS, it's never too late

WELL done dawnie, i admire you.

Well done for reporting this Dawnie.

Just seen this thread. Putting your children out in the garden is so public an act, it sounds like the woman really is very disturbed and is crying out for help. I cannot stop wondering how the husband could let her do that. Last night was so bitterly cold.

Really think you did right to contact social services and the police to make it clear this is not a one off.

Dawnie

Just read through this awful thread. Very brave of you to take action, but please be careful, this woman sounds very mentally unbalanced, and you must be careful not to put yourself or your family at risk.
I cannot believe that the police left the children there, because they are in danger of physical violence, its very worrying.
Take care.

I suspect that the children were left with the parents as the dad assured the police that he would be responsible for them. However, that rather begs the question as to what he was doing/where he was when all this was going on - not just last night, but all the other times.

Having notified all the relevant agencies, I think you've done the right thing, Dawnie. Although there's a fine line between being interfering and being a caring neighbour, in this day and age we seem to have lost the community spirit which used to exist. When a child's parents no longer protect them, it is up to the rest of society to step in. You've done this and hopefully that poor woman will get the help she so desperately needs and her children will feel safe again.

Oh my God. Just read this thread. That poor woman but far more importantly those poor kids. Well done Dawnie. What a night-the coldest one of the year. Something has GOT to be done. Thank God you are vigilant neighbours

So glad you have phoned Dawnie and you have been brave. The knife cuts to the boy sound horrendous , they sound like a family desperately needing help. Just to echo Spook about it being cold last night, it must have been about -1 at 8.30, those poor kids .

Those poor kids. The mum sounds as if she is in dire need of some help and because of what you and the other neightbours have done, she will now get some. Actions like that are a cry for help and thank god there are people around willing to answer it. You've done absolutely the right thing.