Neighbour screaming abuse at her kids

[dawnie1]

We had new neighbours move in about 6 months ago, initially all seemed fine with them but the kids seemed very withdrawn and quiet. Recently the mother has been screaming the most horrendous stuff at her 2 children. She has a daughter of 10 years and a boy of 7 years. It started with the odd row - no swearing or verbal abuse just shouting but has now escalated into every morning and night, it goes on for atleast 20 mins and she says the most awful things- example at 7:30 this morning she burst into her daughters room (next to ours) and screamed 'I f...ing hate you, I hate you you little bi..., I wish I'd had an abortion, you are disgusting' and this type of things happends so regularly now - she then went into her sons room and screamed the same at him !!??!! Poor, poor children . I know that she has just been signed off work for 6 weeks for depression because she cannot cope with having the house decorated - she has freely admitted to me that she is obsessed with her house being immacualately tidy but FGS her poor children. Last week she was seen running out of her house after her 7 year old son with a tennis racket to hit him, later after she had calmed down she explained that he had lay down on her bed after she had spent at least 10 minutes making it-FGS - I can't understand it. I don't know what to do, if anything, but those poor children ??????? HELP, any advise would be greatly apreciated.

Sad that school wouldn't do anything . I agree that nspcc would be a good idea. How old are your kids? could you reasonably invite neighbours kid fir a sleepover, or even for tea, just to get them out of the way for a bit? I feel very sad for those children

ChicPea initially we got on fine and did talk over the garden fence etc, went to a neighbours BBQ in July where she sat with dh and I the whole time and after a few drinks she told us that she was obsessed with tidiness, cleanliness etc in her house and that it had caused problems in the past - we laughted it off because lots of people say things like that. At that time she'd shout at the kids on a very infrequent basis and there was no swearing or abusive language at all, it was 'normal' IYKWIM. Then they started having minor building work done and she immediately changed - she seemed more nervous and anxious when talking to us and quite panicky - shouting at the kids a little bit more often but still no swearing etc. Now they still have builders in and decorators in and she has totally flipped - signed off work for 6 weeks with stress and depression because they have decorators in !??!(can you imagine actually saying that to anybody especially a Dr/your friends & neighbours etc)and this awful behaviour towards the kids. She has now been screaming at them for the past 2 hours, every abusive word under the sun, kids crying, husband shouting, doors slamming etc etc. Last week she sat in the middle of her garden in the middle of the day and wailed her head off as loud as she could for about 15 minutes. She really is at the end of her tether. She needs help and the kids need protection from the verbal onslaught.

Colditzmum, my dd is just a year old but our neighbours across the road have a 10 year old daughter and she invited the neighbours daughter (Sophie,also 10 years old) over for tea one night, they had a chinese takeaway and Sophie accidentally spilled a little bit of soy sauce and she got really, really upset cried her eyes out, really physically upset and kept apologising over and over again. The neighbour from across road just kept saying its ok I'll just put the tablecloth in the washing machine - no big deal etc etc but apparantly Sophie was really upset for about 20 minutes. Both children seem really nervous and not relaxed in my company so I couldn't just invite them in - not from my POV but they never talk to me or DH.

Chickpea, in my own situation the Nursery explained that when they were contacted by the parent they were obliged to take it further even although they told me that they did not for a minute have any concerns about my DS but their hands were tied.

dawnie1, I'm no expert but the woman sounds like she is having more problems than decorating, perhaps that's the excuse she is using to cover up for something more, if she is getting help with the stress and depression then that's a good thing but her children do need protected as speaking to them in that way must be so damaging to their self-esteem. It must be awful to have to listen to.

Slinky, my friend has since left the school but given the same circumstances again, if the Head Teacher didn't want to raise the alarm, I don't think she would have the courage to raise the alarm herself. I remember discussing the whole thing at length and telling her she HAD to do something about it but she felt her hands were tied. Very very sad I know. When she told me the story I remember feeling very down about it and thought about it for days.
Dawnie1, your neighbour sounds very depressed. Does she need a visit to the doctor? Could you speak to the husband without sounding like the nosey neighbour? If she knew you could hear through the walls, would she carry on like that?
Demented, I remember you had a particularly nasty situation to deal with but can't remember all the details without looking up your thread. Sorry.

She must have already been to the Dr if she has been signed off work for 6 weeks (I think its only a Dr that can sign you off isn't it). Hopefully he will have recommended something other than just time off work, I suppose thats why I don't want to get SS involved, its probably the last thing that she or the kids would want. Thats why, maybe, the NSPCC, is a better option.

Definitely call the NSPCC if you can't face calling SS.

What surprises me is that some are worried about possibly offending the mother by EMOTIONALLY, because it is not physical abuse does not make it any the more acceptable.

please do get some help for those kids, and their poor mum, by the sound of it. Things could get an awful lot worse for them all. She won't like being "reported", but she is probably crying out for some one to notice how rough she is feeling. I'd ring the NSPCC for advice before Social Services though. Good luck and thank you for caring

Westcountrylass, I don't think anybody finds anything that she is doing acceptable. Emotional abuse, mental abuse or physical abuse directed at children is completely awful. But I do think that in the first instance they need help and secondly I think she needs help also - bit hard to say that though when you hear the language, tone and volume of her voice at the moment.

The Police have just pulled up and gone into next door. I hope that this means thats some form of protection/support will be given to all of them.

Somebody else was braver than me in trying to help those children (and the mother also I hope).

I feel for you (what a difficult situation), but could you not ring the NSPCC tonight, while the abuse is fresh in your ears. Surely there is a 24 hour hotline?

I think she probably knows that you can hear her - wailing her head off in the garden is hardly private behaviour. Either she is so beside herself, she doesn't care, it's a cry for help or a mixture of both. That poor family - they must all be very unhappy.

How well do you know the husband? Could you talk to him? My only fear about pointing out that you can hear her is she may choose to vent her frustration physically rather than quite so audibly.

I'd definitely ring social services. See if you can speak to a social worker in depth about your concerns though, rather than just leaving a 'Mrs X is a nutter please sort it out' message (not that you'd say this, but I hope YKWIM!).

Chicpea, you must have me confused with someone else because I have never gone into the details on MN and probably never will it's done with now and although I have no issue with someone being concerned enough to report their worries, IMO it's the only thing to be done, I am very aware of the hurt and complications that involving third parties creates, my only reason for posting. Whatever happens this woman has to be treated with dignity, that way she will hopefully accept the help she is offered. I just hope the kids are OK and that they get help.

Just read your latest post Dawnie, hope all is OK.

There is a lot of people next door. The neighbours from the other side of their house and the neighbours from across the road have also gone in. Something must have happened while I was on the PC-?

omg. I hope the children are ok.

yes, keep us posted. fingers X'd

I'm sorry Demented, I have confused you with an MNer who posted something in the summer.

Any news Dawnie?

Dawnie as it doesn't sound like an ambulance has been called I'm hoping the kids will be OK for now. (Another neighbour must have called because of the shouting). But I would definitely call social services in the morning - think they work Saturdays - and tell them everything you've told us. The police might think it's a one-off marital dispute and might not realise that the kids are at risk during the day too so don't rely on tonight to sort it out.

Cab, are you a neighbour of Dawnie1?

No chickpea I'm just making wild assumptions here!!

No news, they are all still next door- its very quiet now?? I have to say that the neighbour from across the road will definately tell all to the Police, she was the one that had Sophie over when she spilt the soy sauce and she had Matthew over night when Karen chased him with a tennis racket. No news yet - I shall tell you when I find out whats gone on. Just hope that kids are ok.

Just read my post which got somewhat bizarrely buggered up.

I agree the mother needs help but SS are the people to provide it kwim? Of course there are horror stories about SS getting things wrong we never hear about the very good support they offer families.

Just read the recent replies and am glad to hear a 3rd party is involved now, hopefully the Police will refer the situation to SS and the whole family will get the help they need.

Very sad situation for all concerned.