Children's Society report that nearly 2/3rds of us aren't able to spend enough time with children because of pressure of life and work - what are your thoughts?

[JustineMumsnet]

Hi all,
We've been asked for the Mumsnet take on a new report by the Children's Society which say that family life is under threat because of the pressures of work.

From the Children?s Society:

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS STRUGGLING REVEALS NEW SURVEY
Date: 17 July 2007

Family relationships appear to be under threat as parents across the UK struggle with the demands of work, raising concerns over how much time they can spend with their children, a new poll commissioned by The Children's Society highlights today.

From this survey of UK adults, 61% said that parents nowadays don't get enough time to spend with their children while almost half of those questioned (48%) said that they had to put their career first even if this affected their family life. These results reflect the growing dilemmas over childcare British parents can feel when trying to juggle the many demands of modern life in a country that already puts in some of the longest working hours in Western Europe.

The survey, conducted by GfK NOP, is the second in a series called reflections on childhood commissioned by The Children's Society as part of its Good Childhood Inquiry - the UK's first independent national inquiry into childhood.

When adults were asked if a pre-school child was likely to suffer if his or her mother worked, almost half of all participants (48%) disagreed, but a significant number (37%) agreed. Two thirds (67%) of respondents said they didn't believe that parents should stay together when they didn't get along, even when there are children in the family.

Children contributing to The Good Childhood Inquiry* however, saw a happy home life as one in which they spent time together as a family. Although several submissions from children spoke of parents being too busy to spend time with them, saying:

'When your parents are always arguing or have full time jobs they don't spend any time with you. You feel lonely with nobody to talk to and all you can do is play on the computer or watch TV.'

Overwhelmingly, both the GfK NOP survey and the submissions to the inquiry identified love as the most important component for a happy childhood - 67% of adults polled and 70% of children's submissions.

Bob Reitemeier, chief executive of The Children's Society said: 'Family is hugely important in the lives of all children yet modern society appears to be pulling them apart. Only by taking a closer look at how a child's need for family can be met in the context of the 21st century, can we ensure a good childhood for all children. Without this fresh perspective and a better understanding of how to support families, we risk damaging the successful growth and development of future generations.'

(Daily Mail report here)

Would love to know what you think?

I think the problem these days is that as we live in a high consumer driven environment we have provided our children with all the things they request which are predominantly solo activities, ie. playstation, gameboy etc. advertising has put us into this catch 22 society where children want what they see advertised, we supply the goods which mean in order for us to keep up with their lifestyles and demands we have to work, hence spending less time.

A friend of mine has it right though. He has a good job she gave up her good job to have the kids, they all have lots of cheap family times and holiday in friends caravans and teh children love it because they are happy. They have a Nintendo DS but i think they share it and more emphasis is spent on low consumer/high quality time.

Expat don't rise to it. I hate that these debates come up over and over again. If we really looked in detail at the threads most mums agree that each mum does what's best for her family.

Most mums don't have a choice whether they work. Most mums (SAHM & WOHM) know this.

Why do we fall for this every time.

Agree expat. I know we are relatively well off and we don't want for anything - we can go out to lunch together a couple of times a month for instance. I can afford to buy clothes/shoes/toys etc for dd. But holidays? Even with dh and I both working, we can't stretch to that. And if I gave up work we couldn't pay the mortgage.

a lot of my friends are looking at/already have partners who are teachers precisely because of the holiday allowance issue.

not every can afford for childcare throughout the six weeks or would want to.

thumbing my nose at the report - i would say that if parents were physically able to spend more time with their children, they would.

Just blaming it all on gadgets and holidays is not only lazy and stupid but also a complete crock.

No No No, Jammy!

Most people are not working to fund their over extravagant lifestyles. They are working to pay the rent/mortgage and to eat.

Jammy, I know what you are saying, but most people do not work to fuel their consumerist desire for all the latest tat. They work so they can feed and clothe their children, and maybe even run a car and go on the odd cheap holiday.

I really think this 'keeping up with the latest technology' stuff is only relevant for a tiny minority of people.

isnt it all about priorities thgough? surely we do really have a choice about what we spend at least some of our money on. I realise that not everyone has spare money for non-essentials but I bet they are honestly few and afar between. Wealth is only relative.

of course here is a very erudite duscusison ont he topic

Well, Jammy, your friend is a rare one. Becuase for about 80% of us, there wouldn't be a lot of family time if we gave up work because we'd be living on the streets.

Do you honestly believe that most people work to buy Playstations and the like?

I mean, for real?

I encouraged DH in his ambition to train as a teacher and at the time thought how convenient it would be if we ever had kids. Now that we have 3, is he teaching? Is he hell.....

It's what my mum thinks. We still get the odd comment about "making cutbacks", and pointed remarks about how they never had a car until they were 35 and didn't have washing machines, etc, and "certainly no computers" and not everyone was on the phone, you know.

(I can still just about remember people asking "are you on the phone?" in 1970s. The 1990s version - "do you have electronic mail?")

i know families where each child has one

honestly im not trying to be inflammatory here but i do think true poverty is rare - certainly on Mumsnet

We really need a vomit emoticon around here.

'honestly im not trying to be inflammatory here but i do think true poverty is rare - certainly on Mumsnet '

Haahaahaahaa. That's the funniest thing I've read all day! Where do you live? I'd like to move out of my imagination and go and live there.

we have two between three
um er

Yes jammy, true poverty probably is rare on Mumsnet, because those of us who would have financial problems go out to work.

OK Jammy, but what is your point?

I don't work to fund a 'lifestyle'. I don't know anyone who does. If I stopped work, I would be sacrificing some luxuries, yes. But I wouldn't get any benefits and my family would therefore be without a home.

Oh, yes, UD, I hear that as well. Well of course you didn't have a computer, you old bat, they didn't exist back in the dinosaur era!

And no washing machine. I tell them how much it costs to do laundry at the laundrette.

I ask them if their rent was also 60% of their take home pay, too? And what about their council tax and power bill?

They usually shut up by that point.

it's about expectations...

some place higher expectations on what they have at a certain age.

i would have been happy with a house, a garden and a bike, and work in the shed, but hey that's totally unrealistic!

at 'true poverty is rare'

Where do you live Jammy?
Do you open your eyes when you leave the house at all?

Maybe it doesn't exist on mn because a lot of poor people don't have computers...

I usually come back with a variation on, "yes but at our age (nearly 40) you had TWO cars, actually THREE later on if you count dad's company car, and a DETACHED house, and a BIG garden, and a holiday abroad EVERY year. We have a lot more than some people but we don't have those."