Children's Society report that nearly 2/3rds of us aren't able to spend enough time with children because of pressure of life and work - what are your thoughts?

[JustineMumsnet]

Hi all,
We've been asked for the Mumsnet take on a new report by the Children's Society which say that family life is under threat because of the pressures of work.

From the Children?s Society:

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS STRUGGLING REVEALS NEW SURVEY
Date: 17 July 2007

Family relationships appear to be under threat as parents across the UK struggle with the demands of work, raising concerns over how much time they can spend with their children, a new poll commissioned by The Children's Society highlights today.

From this survey of UK adults, 61% said that parents nowadays don't get enough time to spend with their children while almost half of those questioned (48%) said that they had to put their career first even if this affected their family life. These results reflect the growing dilemmas over childcare British parents can feel when trying to juggle the many demands of modern life in a country that already puts in some of the longest working hours in Western Europe.

The survey, conducted by GfK NOP, is the second in a series called reflections on childhood commissioned by The Children's Society as part of its Good Childhood Inquiry - the UK's first independent national inquiry into childhood.

When adults were asked if a pre-school child was likely to suffer if his or her mother worked, almost half of all participants (48%) disagreed, but a significant number (37%) agreed. Two thirds (67%) of respondents said they didn't believe that parents should stay together when they didn't get along, even when there are children in the family.

Children contributing to The Good Childhood Inquiry* however, saw a happy home life as one in which they spent time together as a family. Although several submissions from children spoke of parents being too busy to spend time with them, saying:

'When your parents are always arguing or have full time jobs they don't spend any time with you. You feel lonely with nobody to talk to and all you can do is play on the computer or watch TV.'

Overwhelmingly, both the GfK NOP survey and the submissions to the inquiry identified love as the most important component for a happy childhood - 67% of adults polled and 70% of children's submissions.

Bob Reitemeier, chief executive of The Children's Society said: 'Family is hugely important in the lives of all children yet modern society appears to be pulling them apart. Only by taking a closer look at how a child's need for family can be met in the context of the 21st century, can we ensure a good childhood for all children. Without this fresh perspective and a better understanding of how to support families, we risk damaging the successful growth and development of future generations.'

(Daily Mail report here)

Would love to know what you think?

shit sandwich is good description IMO.

We are the somewhat stale and rancid jam.

i'm only going off the OP as i know this will turn into an anna VERSUS Xenia debate of immense boring proportions.

its bullshit. pure and simple

here we are in a capitalist society. few parents have a choice of whether to work or not actually unless they have substantially more wealth than most.

to present this argument which boiled down says " mumms and daddy don't play with me becuase they are off to work all the time" is a shit argument to begin with

all this does is secure the rich midle classes who can afford to stay at home and makes the rest of society feel like shit - even if ( like me) they would rather electrocute their own vagina before staying at home with children ever ever again.

it is being presented as a choice

like parents are chosing lifestyle over child

and quite frnakly that is bollocks.

Haven't even read the OP but go Custardo, quite agree. Now will read the rest of the thread, oh I can JUST see the link in the OP and it's from The Daily Hate, so I suspect will make me froth at the mouth.

it's the main reason we emigrated - to have more time with our son. He is worth more than a swish salary and a mortgage.

Home working actually made me feel worse as I had to actively ignore ds in order to get work done, as opposed to simply not being there.

tigana, that's not home working, that's like taking your child to work. home working still requires childcare, but you lose the travelling etc

Oh okay. . Good point.

LOL Mcnoodle! I too tried working from home once with my two to save a few pennies in childcare, not worth it! I was so stressed and wound up by the evening, i necked a bottle of wine! Next day at work was a bit fuzzy too!

lucky you princess good life!

"it is being presented as a choice

like parents are chosing lifestyle over child

and quite frnakly that is bollocks. "

Hear hear custy

well said

Like I said earlier, I am seriously doubtful that almost half of those interviewed said they chose to work long hours even though they know it is damaging their family life.

I really cannot see half of any sample of people saying they chose that. Life may necessitate (sp?) it but that is not the same thing.

Oh, I see, that's what homeworking means.

Anyway, the fact is that work/home is not a choice for most people. And most people don't sit around debating it, they just get on with life and try and balance things as best they can.

Just wish government policy was more supportive of individual choice rather than the social engineering, 'get thee to a gulag' approach.

We have 2 children (one pre school), an ok income, we both work ft oth and I think we have a nice life and our children are happy.

I work a poxy 35 hours compressed into four days and spend Friday with my pre schooler. Dh works a poxy 35 hours, drops dd every morning and picks up both children every night. Ds is at school for most of the day with some decent childcare before and after and dd is in a lovely nursery in the countryside where she plays with friends and kittens 4 days a week.

So in our case I don't think work does negatively impact us. My children know they are loved and we all spend a lot of time together at weekends. Four days a week are fairly full on with getting us all to school/work/nursery but it's all working well atm. DH and I both think our jobs are ok, although we're not doing jobs of our dreams we're both paid reasonably well and are not really unhappy at work.

I think some of it is down to living outside London with decent salaries, low hours (both of us really DO only work 35 hours) short commutes (20 minutes each) and no weekend working. We don't really have much other stress, not really and we do seem to get a reasonable amount of time together as a family.

Reikizen, you're quite right, they do usually mean mothers.

I don't envy those people doing horrendously long hours for little pay. That must be awful.

"UK Adults" were surveyed

Were all these adults parents of young children? It doesn't actually specifiy that (please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong)

I rather suspect that some of the responses were given by people judging situations they know nothing about as they have no current experience of life with young children and ridiculous house prices these days.

Agree with Sophable and others, flexible working needs to be enshrined in law and MEN need to start applying for it too.

27% of my dept (at last count) work flexibly

i agree with blu, i think i suffer the stress of f/t working (more so than dh who also works f/t) but i think ds and dd have pretty nice happy lives generally tbh.

i would be more stressed as a SAHM and my kids would be in care by now.....I'm not being melodramatic!

I would say it is me that suffers more from working f/t than dd does. She is perfectly happy. She has a social life based around nursery and plays out with her friends at home too.

I have not read all the posts - so sorry if I am repeating stuff.
I gave up a job I loved as I felt, having gone back to work when dd1 was 6 months, I was missing to much of her childhood. My dd1 is now almost 3yrs and I have since had dd2 and although I miss my job and I don't regret anything apart from the lack of money. I am lucky as we can just about (and I mean just about) manage on DH wage. So I have a choice. I think most people would love to spend more time with their kids but are unable to because of the ridiculous cost of life today- I don't believe the kids suffer at all in childcare and can gain a lot from it. I think its the parents that miss out. What is the point of having children if you don't get to spend any time with them.

Have not read all posts, but I have often wondered how much time women spent with chn in the past, when they had to handwash etc - bet it was far less than today.

"some employers would say fine, cut pay by 1/5th for the day off but still expect the same work quota to be achieved in the reduced amount of hours. Some men would jump at the chance and then spend the day golfing/fishing/on the computer/playstation etc."

And some women would still expect the same standard of living on four-fifths of hubby's income and would not be sympathetic to making cutbacks.

I can only answer for me. It is not my role to comment on society.

For most people there is NO CHOICE so its rather an inane report.

I did go back to work after DS was born and really didn't feel much like a mother. I felt that I almost had to ask the childminder's advice / permission. I didn't feel that I knew my child.

We decided, and were in the fortunate position to be able to decide, that I would stop working to see if that felt right .. and it did.

I am fortunate to be able to raise both my children without childcare. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and I sincerely believe that my children are happier and more secure for having a parent at home.

People erroneously find it judgemental to hold such a belief but it isn't its just our life choice. And I totally accept that most people are not in our fortunate financial position where by budgeting carefully we can survive. I repeat for most people THERE IS NO CHOICE.